For Women

I have developed close friendships these past couple of years. Something I had not been able to do in the past for several reasons. This article is not to discuss those reasons, but to write about one of the things I have realized. Many of us are wounded and hurting. Even those who appear to have it all together.    

In ancient times, we had the guidance of the mature women from the culture to guide us as we became women and then afterwards. The support of the wiser older women involved teaching us
about what it meant to be a woman. How to care, protect and love ourselves. Learn to listen to our intuition in all matters; relationships, child caring, marriage, friendships, etc.  In modern and industrial societies, most of us are pretty much on our own.   
                                                                                 
Some of us were raised by wounded mothers. They may look like women on the outside, but on the inside they are broken little girls. Physically they are able to assist giving birth to a child and caring for one. But mentally, emotionally and spiritually, many are inadequate. The cycle of wounded children continues on and on.

Some clues that you may have been a product of a wounded mother and therefore wounded yourself.

1.Extreme jealousy towards women who follow their passion and creative talents.
2.Gossip about other women with the intention of making them look bad.
3.If you tend to go overboard on achievements like getting three PH.D's, getting involved in too many time consuming and/or money wasting projects or activities, taking on a huge quest like sky diving or climbing a gigantic mountain.                                                                                      
4. You feel your children must be perfect, little to no tolerance for uniqueness. Especially if your children are too different from what your family perceives as good.
5. Afraid to admit weakness, fear or imperfection.
6.Masquerading as someone you are not in order to be accepted by your family, culture or society in spite of the fact that your true self is being suppressed and ignored.
7. Keeping busy at all times; over working, time wasting busyness, excessive TV watching, spending too much time with low energy people.
8. Having addictions with food, alcohol, drugs, etc.

There is a way to heal and to stop the cycle of raising broken offspring. This is especially important for mothers with daughters. But it is also a huge benefit for all other women. Even if you do not have children nor intend to have any. Don't forget that we all have an inner child. Most of us have ignored her long enough. If you'd like to start the process on healing, please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com

During Transition

"The obstacles in our path are not blocking us- they are redirecting us. Their purpose is not to interfere with our happiness; it is to point us toward new routes to our happiness; new possibilities; new doorways."

                                                         - Dr. Barbara De Angelis


Transition time could be very scary whether you planned it or not. When you are in transition you are being prepared for your new life. However, most of us have no clue what that new life is and not knowing is what causes much stress and fear. I have put together a list of things which have helped me during transition periods and I hope that they could be of some use to you as well.

• When the path you were taking is suddenly blocked and no matter what you do you can't get around it or through it, try something else. The blocks could mean it is not time for your goal to be obtained, but if you are patient it will happen. Or it could mean that you are on the wrong path altogether and it is time for you to take another route.
• Take one step at a time. For most of us our whole life purpose is not revealed to us all in one shot. When we have a controlling personality type this could be frightening. But if we truly want to live our life purpose, we have to take the steps that are presented to us to take. And once these steps are done, wait for more guidance on the next steps to take. What happens often is that when we can't see the future steps, we become anxious and impatient. Sometimes in order to soothe uneasiness we spend our days on time wasters, things that are keeping us from being alert as to what our next step is.
• Pay attention to your intuition. Some people are so intuitive and confident about their gut feelings that they rarely not listen to them. However, most of us are not so trusting of our intuition and it takes practice to learn how to be. I am slowly now getting comfortable with my own intuition. The times I have listened, I have been immensely grateful. But the times I did not, I deeply regretted it. Try listening to your intuition on little things first. If you can't tell if it is your intuition or not, please contact me and I will share a few guidelines. By the way intuition is nothing to be afraid of. We all have it. Just that most of us have suppressed it for various reasons. Donald Trump admits to using his intuition to make the "Big Deals"(read his books and you will see). In fact, he leaves many people baffled when he insist on a business transaction when others warn him that he is making a bad deal. Then they are even more shocked when Donald ends up being correct in spite of the evidence proving that it could not be possible.
• Be alert to chance encounters and also information you get from others in passing. At first in weirded me out when this would happen. I'd have a question about something and I repeatedly kept getting information on what I was inquiring about throughout the week, sometimes numerous times in the same day. This is how spirit speaks to us. Ofcourse most people do not pay attention. But if you really want answers, the real answers, pay attention to repeated messages.
• There are no accidents. Even if your situation is unwelcomed and chaotic, you are right where you are suppose to be. It does not mean you can not make it better. But once we have made peace with where we are at, solutions on how to get out of our mess are revealed. However, you must keep an open mind. Sometimes we are so stubborn on wanting things to turn out one way, but really it is suppose to turn out a different way entirely.
• There will be a period where you feel as though you are in limbo. Your old life does not fit anymore, but there is huge gap between your future self and where you are at now. So you are somewhere in "transition". Sometimes we remain in transition longer than we hoped because we are afraid to be vulnerable to others who are able to assist us during this time in order to get to where we want to be. For most of my life I felt as though I was all alone and could not count on anyone. But once I allowed myself to finally be vulnerable, help from earth angels and spirit rushed in.
• Let go of the old. Another reason transition periods take longer is because we have not let go of the old which no longer serve us. Old behaviors, beliefs, attitudes, patterns, relationships, material items and addictions keep us from moving on. We want to remain in our comfort zone even though it is a lifeless place to be. No passion, no joy and no peace of mind is the result of not letting go of the old in order to welcome the new.

"Rebirthing ourselves takes time, Like our own physical birth process, it cannot be rushed. that means we must have the undestanding and the willingness to endure the labor pains we experience as we traverse the gap between who we were and who we are becoming."

                                                              -Dr. Barbara De Angelis

For more information or a free session please email me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com or you could view similar articles I have written in the blog section for www.first30days.com.

Inner Purpose is Primary

"Your life has an inner purpose and an outer purpose. Inner purpose concerns Being and is primary. Outer purpose concerns doing and is secondary. The true or primary purpose of your life cannot be found on the outer level. It does not concern what you do but what you are- this is to say, your state of consciousness."

                                                             -Eckhart Tolle




Even though wise friends continuously remind me that my inner purpose is primary and my outer purpose is secondary it is still hard to remember. We live in a world where the belief is that the outer purpose is primary and the inner purpose is only thought about when we have time, which usually turns out to be not very often, if ever.

What I have learned in the past years is that if you do not work on your state of consciousness you will continue to recreate unwanted things from your past. Even if you move, change jobs, change boyfriends,etc.

Some people have a hard time believing that we are cocreators with God because they do not get what they want. When I first learned about the Law of Attraction I was excited because it gave me back some power. The only thing was that in the beginning I had not realized that the most important step before trying to cocreate is being aware of your state of consciousness.

This is the reason I continued to recreate unwanted things repeatedly. While action is important on the Earth plane, your inner consciousness should be considered first. The clue that your consciousness has shifted is that you begin to attract good circumstances, people and things.

For me the most rewarding thing I have attracted is my like minded friends. They have brought me immense joy and comfort. Prior to meeting them I felt isolated and different. Not "unique" different but weird... an outcast. When I am with my friends I feel as though I am in a dream because we talk about things I have never been able to talk about with anybody else. However, I would not have attracted them if I had not changed my state of cosciousness first.

I was told by my new friend and author, Bill, that many people can change lives just by their presence. They do not have to have special titles or education. I use to think that you had to be some kind of guru or master to help others. But when I am in the company of my spiritual friends I see that it is not so. Just being in their presence makes me feel better. But that's because their continous state of consciousness is mostly Love or Above (Please see my articles Power VS. Force 10/30/12 for more information).

"Action, although necessary, is only a secondary factor in manifesting our external reality. The primary factor in creation is consciousness. No matter how active we are, how much effort we make, our state of cosciousness creates our world, and if there is no change on that inner level, no amount of action will make a difference. We would re-create modified versions of the same world again and again, a world that is an external reflection of the ego."

                                                                   -Eckhart Tolle

Avoid Toxic People

What kinds of people do you allow into your immediate space? When you allow toxic people into your immediate energy field, you will find that your feelings of well-being diminish. Just as if you allow someone with a cold to sneeze in your face, you increase you chances of getting sick, you must be careful about whom you elect to associate with to avoid contaminating your life energy."

                                                               - Dr. Wayne Dyer


I have been learning much about energy these past few years. Mostly I have been focusing on keeping my energy positive. My experience has taught me to notice right away when I am near toxic people. Before I was  not aware of how many negative people I spent time with. All I knew was that I did not feel so good when I was around them and I felt depleted once they left my space.

The following are the results of spending time with toxic people.

1. Your are prone to getting physically sick. You are more likely to attract a cold and may even get something as serious as cancer.
2. You feel more anxious, depressed, worried, afraid,etc. Toxic people dump their negative energy emotions on you.
3. Your energy is so depleted you can't pursue your goals.
4. Your energy becomes so low you can't attract good things into your life such as a job, a love relationship, good friends, health/healing, etc.
5. You may end up gaining weight because you are subconsciously trying to protect yourself from the energy of toxic people.

Dr. Wayne Dyer recommends that we say good-bye, albeit with unconditional love,  to relationships that pollute our life space.  He says we could neutralize the negative energy with stronger energy,but that the "effort required exhausts you and that the level of fatigue makes you susceptible to lower energies."

It sure has been true in my experience. However, there are certain toxic people that can not be eliminated from your life, or at least not immediately. This is where I found my challenge until an author friend of mine taught be a technique to regularly clean out my energy. If you would like to learn this technique please email me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com.

The Smile Test!

"If you want to find out how much you care about him, ask yourself how often he makes you smile. I don't mean by entertaiining you, by telling jokes or acting like a clown . I mean by being himself. If being with him makes you smile with pleasure, if hearing from him makes you smile with pleasure, if thinking about him makes you smile with pleasure, you must really care. And there is a very good chance you care enough to call it love. Give him a point on the love scale." -Dr. Georgia Witkin

Here is a list of 10 ways you can tell when it is real love or at least the relationship is moving towards real love.

• You have a perma grin.
• Your friends tell you that you have this "glow" ever since you met him.
• You light up when he comes in the room or you talk to him over the phone. Even when having a bad day you are recharged with energy after a few moments with him.
• He accepts your idiosyncrasies as part of the package.
• You can be yourself around him and know that he cares anyway.
• You are past the infatuation stage, but the "lighting up" part lasts.
• He makes plans in advance to see you regularly even if he is super busy because he wants to be around you as much as possible. "Men in love are thinking ahead and worrying about someone else tying up your time first." - Dr. Georgia Witkin
• He wants to be part of your life and do things he would not normally do in order to just be with you. He will also want to meet your family and friends. He is nice to them and tries to talk to them because he wants them to genuinely like him.
• He wants you to be part of his life and includes you in his plans. He will introduce you to his family and friends and he will be the same guy around them as well. Example: He wont be cold and distant if he is normally warm and affectionate when they are not around.
• He finds you "perfectly lovable" even when you are in a grumpy mood.

"If you are natural around him, you must trust him to know that you're are perfectly lovable and love him enough to test him. Don't make the mistake of thinking that becoming comfortable means that you are 'just friends' or that attraction and passion are at an end. Real love stands the test of time and the 'true you' test, because it makes us want to stay together long enough not only to have children, but raise them, too-and enjoy each other after they've grown." -Dr. Georgia Witkin

Advice For Choosing A Mate

There is much ignorance out there on what to expect in a partner in order to be successful in maintaining a long term healthy relationship that could be considered adequate for marriage. Some people seem to have the scarcity mentality and think that you must settle or you wont get another chance later. But I did a little research and contacted friends, both male and female, who have been happily married long term in order to get their opinion. The following is the advice that was given to me.

• You should be choosy and never settle, you are never too old.
• To be tied to someone in marriage requires that you be satisfied with your decision otherwise why get married to that person? It only sets you up for problems in the future.
• I disagree with people who have the "You must settle because.." mentality. Sometimes it bothers people that you can have standards and be patient and they can't.
• You deserve and actually should be choosy.
• Before considering to commit to someone think, "If this person never changed, would I want to spend the rest of my life with him/her?"
• You should like things about the person that are important for a long term healthy relationship. If you can't stand the way he smells or taste when you kiss, that is a giant, red flag.
• He/She needs to bring the best out of you, not the worse.
• Be cautious of people who put you up on a pedestal. They are just infatuated. Real love is about a person recognizing your faults and loving you anyway. The person that is infatuated will leave you after the infatuation bubble burst and he realizes his fantasy does not match the real you.
• One of the most important attributes in your perspective spouse is his/her willingness to learn and change in order to meet your needs.
• If you are fascinated by the silent type, later don't complain that in your married life you can't get him to talk.
• Don't get involved with potential. What you want must clearly be there.
• You must have similar spiritual views and respect each other's beliefs.
• Common goals or at least able to support each others goals. Be proud and and believe in each other.
• Be cautious of those who claim they have all these things in common with you, or all of a sudden develop many common interest. They are just trying to fit a square peg into a round hole because they are infatuated.
• Don't fall for peer pressure or family pressure, even if it's well intended. They are not the ones who will be spending the rest of their lives with this person.
• If he proclaims his love for you within a few days of meeting (worse if you have not even met yet), he is full of shit. Wait a few months once he has come down a bit from fantasy world before you make any commitments to him. Love takes time.
• Watch out for those who do not take responsibility for their past relationship failures. They did not learn from their mistakes and are likely to repeat them with you and blame you when your relationship falls apart..with someone like this, it will fall apart. Believe me.
• You have to match, feel a connection, with your partner emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. If the four of these are not there, I guarantee you will not be happy with this person.
• He is a small fry, what you need is a Big Mac (This one made me laugh even though I do not know exactly what my friend meant).

As I was reviewing my "happily" married friends' advice, I couldn't help but notice how similar it was from what I had heard from relationship and marriage experts. Which reminds me, be careful who you get your advice from, it can lead you wrong.

I while back I went out on a date with someone and I couldn't stand anything about him. I mentioned it to a friend (now former friend). Her advice was, "I know you don't drink, but have 2-3 beers, a couple of tequila shots, and you should be fine." So Basically she suggested I get intoxicated in order to be able to date him and perhaps even develop a drinking problem. It sounds ridiculous, I know. But at the time my self-esteem was low because of all the challenges I was experiencing in my life. So when she added that I was too picky and was too old and should settle because I will not get another chance, I began to wonder if maybe she was right. Now it makes me laugh, but at the moment she told me this I almost did consider picking up drinking in order to be able to date this man.

So be careful who you get your advice from!

Don't Confuse Lust With Love

For the women who do not know the difference between lust and love.

• When a man is attracted to you it is a good sign that there might be more, but keep in mind that he could be attracted to many women and will sleep with as many of those women as he can. But he will only marry one and it is not very likely it will be with the one he had the one night stand with or participates in booty calls with him.
• Men can lust over and have sex with many women at the same time and not feel any attachment to any of them, much less love. Women on the other hand, release a chemical called Oxytocin (Google it for more information) every time we have sex with a man. Oxytocin is released from the brain while having sex and causes us to feel attached to the man. Wait at least 90 days and until you are in an exclusive relationship before having sex to decrease your chances of becoming attached while he is just having a good time.
• If the man tells you and demonstrates his attraction towards you remind yourself it is just his lust speaking, not his heart and soul. It takes time to fall in love.
• Don't let him lure you into sex until he has demonstrated his love by his actions, not just words. Yes this is super hard when you are attracted to the guy, but you need to remember that protecting your heart is much more important than sex. Remember that to men sex is just sex. It does not equal love. Men do not even have to like nor be attracted to the women they sleep with, so keep that in mind.

..."when a man asks for sex, and he is told no, his reaction to that no will tell you everything you need to know about him. If the phone calls cease or become infrequent, the flowers stop coming, the dating slows down, please understand that this man was just in it for the sex. If he says something stupid like such as, 'I don't need to wait for sex-I can get it from anybody'; you tell him right back, 'please do'. This cuts the riffraff right away. But if your saying no doesn't deter him, and he continues to try to get to know you better and prove to you that he's worthy of your benefits, then he's really interested in you." -Steve Havey