The Ego

It has been written by many that the EGO is an acronym for Edging God Out. I have certainly found this to be true in my experience. I have realized that when I am focused on the wishes or thoughts of the ego I am the most unhappy. I have also noticed how it negatively effects me to be paying attention to the ego centered demands or false perceptions of others.

In the book I, by David R. Hawkins M.D., Ph.D, there is a thorough explanation about why the ego not only brings people much unhappiness, but also "Edges God Out". The following is a list of "some basic axiomatic positionalities of the ego" that Dr. Hawkins wrote in his book.

1. Phenomena are either good or bad, right or wrong, just or unjust, fair or unfair.
2. The 'bad' deserve to be punished and the 'good' rewarded.
3. Things happen by accident or else they are the fault of somebody else.
4. The mind is capable of comprehending and recognizing truth from falsehood.
5. The world causes and deternines one's experiences.
6. Life is unfair because the innocent suffer while the wicked go unpunished.
7. People can be different than they are.
8. It is critical and necessary to be right.
9. It is critical and necessary to win.
10. Wrongs must be righted.
11. Righteousness must prevail.
12. Perceptions represent reality.

"To address these types of issues, it is helpful to recall that one's only obligation is to the truth of the Self and Divinity. This process, therefore, demands letting go of all cherished positionalities because nothing one believes is true. Actually axioms are illusions that create suffering and result in much destruction. These 'axioms' are barriers to enlightment and create a multitude of dualities because they arise from linear perception rather than nondualitistic spiritual Reality."

The main ego axiom that has caused me much suffering is number 12, "Perceptions Represent Reality."  Mostly because  I use to have a negative perception about myself and erroneously believed others were more worthy than I was because of their external and superficial accomplishments. However, ever since I have been spending more time with my down to earth friends, I have realized how twisted my perceptions were. 

I have now also noticed how heavy the energy feels when I am around people who are stuck in ego illusions. It is becoming harder to pretend that they are right.  However, trying to convince others that they are wrong will only feed my own ego. So what I do is just minimize my time with those who are ego centered and instead spend more time with those who are more spiritually attuned. And when I am around those who are more ego based I continously remind myself that my "only obligation is to the truth of the Self and Divinity."

The ego is not entirely bad. In fact, when you have too little of an ego psychologists say you have low self-esteem. So I believe that my problem in the past was not having enough ego.

Dr. Hawkins explains, "An important element of meaning of the term 'ego' is the implication that its true basis is pride and narcissism, which bring in guilt about the implied selfishness of the ego. Ego is also a psychological term that generally has an implied survival value. In therapy, a patient may have the problem of a 'weak' ego and low self-esteem. In contrast, 'egotism' or 'egoistic' means overinflation or even grandiosity. In spiritual parlence, 'ego' implies a negative quality, an obstacle to realization because of its linear dualistic contruction. In psychology, however, the term denotes coping and survival skills to deal effectively with the world."

In essence, the ego is important for our survival on earth. However, too much ego keeps you from knowing the truth. But too little ego also keeps you from knowing the truth.

Do You Have a Blind Spot?

Sometimes we do not manifest what we desire because we develop scotomas or blind stops. These blind spots come about because of childhood programming of false beliefs and society's influence. The following are some examples of beliefs that cause scotomas which block manifesting capabilities.

• The belief that there is a scarcity of quality men or women to date.
• The belief that there is a scarcity of money.
• The belief that life is a struggle.
• The belief that you are not good enough just how you are.
• The belief that you have to be someone you are not for people to like you.
• The belief that you are not lovable just the way you are.
• The belief that you are not smart, capable or educated enough.
• The belief you are not attractive enough to attract a life partner.
• The belief that men do not fall in love with overweight women.
• The belief that you are too old.
• The belief that old means sick.
• The belief that if you stop being sick, you will no longer get attention.
• The belief you can't do something because of your gender, ethnicity, economic situation,etc.

The reason false beliefs create scotomas and block manifesting is because we have a built in screening device called the Reticular Activating System which acts much like an Executive Secretary screening out information. Without R.A.S., we'd be overwhelmed by the unlimited number of perceptions. R.A.S. also reinforces what we believe. Unfortunately even if it's false beliefs which many of our beliefs are.

If your belief is that there is a scarcity of quality men, for example, when a nice guy is right in front of you, you will not be aware of it. Or if you become aware of it you will assume he is a jerk like the rest of them and put up your "Do not disturb" sign. Most of the time we do this unconsciously.

Or if your belief is that men do not like overweight women, and a cute guy is looking at you, you will not be aware of it. And if you do notice, you assume that he is thinking something awful about your weight. But he actually could be thinking, "Look at all those sexy curves, I wonder if she is single". But then you unconsciously give a vibe that dicourages him from approaching you. Which he senses, assumes you must be taken if you look that hot, and he walks away.

Another example, many people are ill because they like the attention they get and do not believe they could get attention without their illness. Their R.A.S. then blocks out all of the tools that are available for healing.

For more cool information on R.A.S check http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/reticular_formation

Intuitive Eating

Last year I learned the ramifications of dieting from many experts. The nutritionists who wrote the book, Intuitive Eating, are among the experts who encourage their clients to stay away from diets if they want long lasting weight loss, health and well being. This is what Evelyn Tribole M.S., R.D. and Elyse Resch, M.S., R.D. have to say about dieting:

Diet backlash is the cumulative side effect of dieting; it can be short-term or chronic, depending how long a person has been dieting. It may just be one side effect, or several.
By the time Sandra came to the office, she had the classic symptoms of diet backlash. She was eating less food, yet had trouble loosing weight during her more recent diet attemps.
Other symptoms include:

• The mere contemplation of going on a diet brings on urges and cravings for "sinful" foods and "fatty" favorites: such as ice cream, chocolate, cookies, and so forth.
• Upon ending a diet, going on a food binge and feeling guilty. One study indicates that postdieting binges occur in 49 percent of all people who end a diet.
• Having little trust in self with food. Understandably, every diet has taught you not to trust your body or the food you put in. Even though it is the process of dieting that fails you, the failure continues to undermine your relationship with food.
• Feeling that you don't deserve to eat because you are overweight.
• Shortened dieting duration. The lifespan of a diet gets shorter. (Is it no wonder that Ultra-Slim Fast's sales pitch is, "Give us a week...and we'll...").
• The last supper.Every diet is preceded by consuming foods you presume you won't eat again. Food consumption often goes up during this time. It may occur over one meal or over a couple of days. The Last Supper seems to be the last step before "dietary cleansing," almost a farewell-to-food party. For one client, Marilyn, every meal felt like it was her last. She would each meal until she was uncomfortably stuffed- she was terrified she would never eat again. For good reason: She had been dieting over two thirds of her life, since the sixth grade, through a series of fasting and 500-calorie diets. As far as her body was concerned, a diet was only around the corner- so she felt she had better eat while she could. Each meal for Marilyn was famine relief.
• Social withdrawal.Since it's hard to stay on a diet and go to a party or out to dinner, it becomes easier just to turn down social invitations...There is often a fear of being able to stay in control. It's not uncommon for this experience to be reinforced by "saving up the calories or fat grams for the party," which usually means eating very little. But by the time the dieter arrives, ravenous hunger dominates and eating feels very out of control.
• Sluggish metabolism. Each diet teaches the body to adapt better to the next self-imposed famine (another diet). Metabolism slows as the body efficiently utilizes each calorie as if it's the last. The more drastic the diet, the more it pushes the body into calorie-pinching survival mode. Fueling metabolism is like stroking a fire. Remove the wood and the fire diminishes. Similarly, to fuel our metabolism, we must eat sufficient amount of calories, or our bodies will compensate and slow down.
• Using caffeine to survive the day. Coffee and diet drinks are often abused as management tools to feel energetic and filled up while underfed.
• Eating disorders. Finally for some, repeated dieting is often the stepping-stone to an eating disorder, ranging from anorexia nervosa or bulimia to compulsive overeating.

I hope that before you spend more money on another fad diet you understand that if you do indeed lose weight it will only be short term. Also, yo-yo dieting is considered worse for your health than being a few pounds overweight.

Are You an Emotional Eater?

If you find yourself craving foods even when you are not hungry you might be an emotional eater. An emotional eater is someone who eats to suppress or soothe her emotions. However, most emotional eaters are not aware that they are doing this. They only know that they crave certain foods or can't stop eating until they are so full they feel sick.

It is unfortunate when people are not aware that they are an emotional eaters because instead of finding out what is causing the overeating they start fad diets to lose weight and then they feel very bad about themselves for not being able to stick to them. Their self-esteem suffers for not controlling their food intake and the worse thing that happens is that they go up and down in weight, called yo-yo dieting, which is even worse for their health than being a few pounds overweight.

Below are the reasons that people overeat or consume in excess foods that are not good for them in order to soothe, suppress, or avoid an emotion.

• Anger. Most people, especially women, were taught that anger was wrong, therefore even when they have the right to be angry they supress it and some use food to do it.
• Anxiety/Worry/Fear. People who are chronically afraid, anxious or worryworts have a high tendency to addictive behaviors in order to soothe their feelings. Some become alcoholics, drug users, smokers, and even the culturally accepted and encouraged workaholics. And others turn to food.
• Stress. Regular stress can induce overeating, eating wrong foods or both. Not just because you are too stressed out to think about what you are eating or how much you are eating, but also to help calm yourself down.
• Life Changes. Life is change, there is no other way. However, most people were not taught how to handle regular change. Much less are we taught how to handle tragedies, job loss, traumas, illnesses and death of a loved one. There are a mixture of feelings that emerge when change occurs and some people who have not learned to understand their emotions use food to comfort themselves or cope. Even when good changes occur such as a new lover, a wedding, having a baby, buying a house, getting a promotion, starting a business,etc., occurs people turn to food for comfort. Part of the reason is that it is much easier to just eat than to sort out how you are feeling about the change that is happening. Plus some people rather not let themselves feel what they are feeling because they are afraid of their emotions.
• Boredom. Instead of finding ways to engage themselves in activities that will be fun and stimulating, people turn to food to pass the time.
• Lack of love or meaningful relationships. These people can't stand feeling alone and use food as a replacement for love. It could be they are alone because they are shy. Also it could be because they are afraid of emotional intimacy so they isolate themselves. Whatever the reason, when they feel alone they eat which makes them feel worse so they isolate themselves even more and therefore make less friendships and repel lovers.
• Feel the need for protection. Some women who have had negative experiences with men eat to gain extra weight and keep men away from them. This is the only way they know how to protect themselves. Although most women do not do this consciously. A clue that you might be using food for protection is that once you loose some weight and start getting attention from men again, you sabotage your weight loss success by overeating to get back to your comfort weight. Also some people over eat because they have not learned to protect themselves from negative or abusive people and energy drainers so they pad on some weight, subconsiously thinking that will do it.
• Feel other people's negative emotions. This is very similar to the needing protection point above. However, this one is specifically for empaths. An empath is a person who is very sensitive to the emotions of others. They just don't have compassion for others, they actually feel their pain and some even take on their pain. Empaths are often overweight because they also subconsciously eat to give themselves extra padding between themselves and other people, but also because feeling the emotions of the negative people around them can be so overwhelming they use food to soothe and relax them. A clue that you are an empath and use food to alleviate the symptoms is that when you are surrounded by people for a while, you start craving foods even though you are not hungry and can't stop eating that food once you start.
• A caretaker who has no time for her own needs. Many caretakers feel overwhelmed when taking care of others and rarely have time for their own self-care. In order to gratify their needs, caretakers sometimes reach for food. They don't recognize that what they need instead is some sleep, rest, exercise, time with friends, or just doing something she enjoys doing away from children and other people she takes care of.
• Low Self-Esteem. You would think that in order to improve self-esteem issues the first part of the plan would be to improve your appearance as best you could. But actually this backfires. Mostly because people do not compare themselves to realistic ideals. Instead we compare ourselves to women we see in the magazines, movies, TV, etc. Dieting for people with low-self esteem is very damaging because when they can not always control every morsel they eat, they are extrememely hard on themselves and end up developing eating disorders such as bulimia, binges, anorexia, and compulsive eating. And what makes it worse for people with low-self-esteem is that they sometimes unconsiously reach for food to soothe their insecurities. Then they get angry that they sabotaged themselves. This is a big reason why they develop the eating disorders and then have a hard time healing from them. It is a never ending vicious cycle.
• No reason for living- Not knowing your life purpose. We all desire to feel needed or that our life has a purpose. Some people do not know what their life purpose/calling is and in order to fill the void they use food instead of spending the time to discover what their reason for being is.
• Depression. I have true compassion for those who sufffer from depression. I will be writing more in future a post about this, but for now work on catching yourself when you are using food to help you cope when you are feeling down. When you remember go for a walk instead. I assure you that once you are done with your walk you will feel better.

We Are All Teachers

"We are all teachers, it does not matter if we want to teach or not-we still teach. Teachers are not just those of us who write books or give lectures, not just those of us who have students assigned to sit in our classes, not just those of us who have initials after our names indicating that we have an advanced degree. Each of us teaches others every day:our children, our lovers, our family members, our friends, our colleagues, everyone with whom we have contact in even in small ways. We teach hope or cynicism, kindness or insensitivity, generosity or selfishness, trust or suspicion, love or apathy."

                    - Dr. Barbara De Angelis


Last week a Principal friend of mine asked me if I would do her a big favor and translate for the teachers on two days because they were holding conferences and some parents did not speak English. I thought it was just going to be for a couple of hours and I also wanted to be in good favor with my friend so that she would allow me to do my student teaching at her school and I could finally complete my teaching credential.

It turned out to be an all day thing and at times it was a bit tiring because I was helping teachers back to back. But I learned tremendously from the teachers I assisted. I realized that the teachers were not only teaching the children academics but also self-esteem, courage, determination, confidence, planning, kindness, cooperation, peacefulness and wisdom as well. I told my Principal friend, "Wow! I got lucky. I had all the good teachers. They were awesome!" She replied, "I have nothing but good teachers working here." I thought about how fortunate the children were. The parents even recognized it. One mom told her daughter, "You are very fortunate. You have two moms that really care about your well being and your future." One mom told me that her daughter went through a profound transformation as soon as she started going to school there and at the age of eight she was already telling her parents she wanted to go to college. Her young sibling said he wants to do the same.

Many of the children commented on how they wanted to be just like their teacher. My experience in grade school was very different. If I had not been exposed to these wonderful teachers all clustered in one school, I would have continued to have thought good teachers were an exception. After my experience at this school I see things very differently.

The teachers weren't teaching by telling the students what to do. They were teaching by example. From what I have heard  from various psychologists, children learn by emulating you. Not by what you instruct them to do.  These teachers seemed to have known this instinctively. However, we are all teachers. We do not have to hold a title or credential.  We are especially teachers to our own children. But we are also teachers to whoever we come in contact with.


"As you come to into your time of wisdom, you must find ways to pass that flame of wisdom on to others. How do you do this? Look for opportunities to share what you have with someone who needs it. If your time of challenge has passed, then your task is to recall your moments of feeling lost, isolated, frightened of what was to come. Look around-you are sure to find someone experiencing that despair or confusion now. Share your strenght and courage with that person Have the willingness to offer your love, your service, your support, and opportunities will present themselves. You won't have to go looking for them-they will find you." - Dr. Barbara De Angelis


I use to believe that I had nothing to teach other than the academics that I was learning at school. But in one of my college classes an Instructor's requirement was to volunteer helping highschool moms with emotional support and career guidance. It was such a joy to have something of value to share with the young women. The Instructor said that the reason she made volunteer work a requirement to pass the class, was because there was a huge need for young women who were labeled At Risk to get out of hopelessnes and helplessness mode which their families and society programmed into them.  And with college students, especially of their same culture and gender, showing them how it is possible for them to change their lives, they begin to delete false programming.


"You do not have to be perfect to share your wisdom. Even if you are in the middle of your own challenges, you still have something to offer. Someone behind you needs your hand to help them take their next step. Perhaps you don't yet know how to climb up the step in front of you, but you know enough to help that person behind you up their next step, upon which you are already standing."


Outside of school I have learned that I am also a teacher. I do not have everything figured out yet. Nobody does, even if they pretend they do.  But in the areas I have healed and grown I am more than happy to share with others. I often come across someone when I am out and about who mentions their challenge and it happens to be something I have mastered and could be of some help. The things I still struggle with I talk to those who are ahead of me in that area. So we are all teachers to someone.


Like my new friend and author said to me, " You could work at Lowes or be a waitress, it does not matter. You are a teacher wherever you work and wherever you are. You do not have to have special title or make a certain amount of money. A person can make more of a difference in the world than some guru or expert merely by his/her presence and the way he/she is with others."

This is so true. A few people like this come to mind. In fact, yesterday I did not get to see my favorite couple because they had a prior engagement and I missed their presence terribly. I wasn't the only one. I kept hearing others comment on how much they missed the sweet couple. It is not necessarily what they say or do. And they do not have any degrees, titles or credentials that I know of. They are just very kind people. Maybe even the sweetest I have ever met. You can't help but feel that you are one of their adopted children when you are around them. With the care and attention they give you and how they inquire about your happiness and well being.  They sometimes surprise me with how quickly they rush to assist you when they find out there is something troubling you.

They are definitely way ahead of me in the spiritual area. But that is why I go to them for support. But there are also many others who seek me out to help them with what they have not yet mastered. That is how things should be and many people are now consciously evolving to. Ofcourse there are still those who are selfish and self centered. But if you work on doing your part to help others, no matter how small it is, by the Law of Attraction others will come to help you.


"Once you have gone through your own challenges and difficulties and come out the other side, you have something priceless to share. When you offer what you know to others when they need it, you solidify and recognize your new wisdom. "

                      
                       - Dr. Barbara De Angelis

Light In The Dream

"You who have spent your life bringing truth to illusion, reality to fantasy, have walked the way of dreams. For you have gone from waking to sleeping, and on and on to a yet deeper sleep. Each dream has led to other dreams, and every fantasy that seemed to bring the light into the darkness, in which  no ray of light could enter. And you sought a blackness so complete that you could hide from truth forever, in complete insanity. What you forgot is that God cannot destroy Himself. The light is in you. Darkness can cover it, but cannot put it out."

                                   -A Course In Miracles


While I write a lot about growth, dysfunctional relationships and healing in this blog, the truth is that we are making everything up. Only love is real. Everything else is an illusion. Ofcourse it does not mean that we allow others to treat us poorly. We could love people from a distance if necessary. We could also choose with who we spend our time with. Ideally you'd spend most of your time with like minded people who nurture you and light up your soul.

When I write about anything that is not at the energy of  love and above (See my article Power VS Force II 10/30/12 for more information ) it is mainly for those people who can not yet grasp that everything that we experience which is negative is not real. Also, just because I have known the truth for at least fifteen years now, I too get caught up in the world of fantasy a lot more than I care to admit. It is hard not to with so many people among us who believe that their dreams (or actually nightmares) are real and they contaminate the rest of us who are trying to remember the truth.

But as one of my spiritual friends says, "We attract the people that are of the same energy resonance. We can't trick the law of attraction." So while consciously I may know the truth, my subconscious is still bringing me the people and experiences with the same energy resonance of my childhood. As I am healing my past, the low energy circumstances and people are becoming less frequent. Ofcourse I still have challenges like everyone else. But they are no longer the norm. I have also attracted high energy individuals. Remember, what I mean by low energy are those people who dwell in low energy emotions.  When I write about high energy people I mean those people who dwell in love & above emotions. Again please see articles Power VS. Force  and Power Vs. Force II 10/30/12 for more details.  

Please note that energy is not a made up thing. It is real. We are all made up of energy.  Everything in the universe is made up of energy. Just that we are all of a different energy resonance.  If you need scientific data look into Quantum Physics.

 We form our perceptions during our childhood. Before seven years old we gather data from those around us to understand how the world works. Our parents are our main teachers. We emulate them and soak up patterns, behaviors, beliefs, addictions, energy resonance and perceptions from them. This is important to know. Because the rest of your life, by the Universal Law of Attraction,  evidence of those perceptions will be brought to you which will only confirm the childhood perceptions that you developed as a child.

However, all perceptions of energy that are not love & above are illusions. I have been extremely fortunate to have been meeting those who remind me of this truth. I hope that one day I am able to remember this truth on my own. I have also been taught techniques on how how to get myself back to love when challenging relationships or circumstances emerge. If you would like some information, please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com

I have also written similar articles in the blog section for www.first30days.com

 


 

What To Do In The Meantime

Sometimes it could be frustrating when you have a bunch of things in life that you are working on changing and somehow you feel that all the forces are working against you to stop you. Fortunately when this happens, something always falls on my lap to remind me of what I need to do to survive the meantime experience. What fell on my lap this time was Iyanla Vanzant's book In The Meantime. I openned up to the page that I needed the most for this point in time. Here is what Iyanla suggested we do while we are "In The Meantime".

1. Love yourself no matter what! Never let what is happening or the fear of what could happen rob you of your ability to love yourself. Realize that your meantime is bound to create confusion in your thinking. However, you must also realize that where you are is exactly where you need to be. You are being guided back to love, to self-love.
2. Feel what you feel and acknowledge that you are feeling it. Before you reach out to avoid the pain, reach in and feel it. Feel any hurt, pain, confusion, or weakness. Feel your vulnerability, and acknowledge that you feel vulnerable. Once you feel whatever it is that is going on inside you let yourself know that it is perfectly okay to feel it. Do not judge yourself. Do not tell yourself you shouldn't. Feel it! Acknowledge it! Ride it out!
3. Express what you feel verbally or in writing. You will discover that it is absolutely imperative to express your feelings in the meantime. You must tell someone what you feel. If you try to hold it in, it will choke you! When this happens, more likely than not what you are trying to hold in will spill out in a very inappropriate way, at the inappropriate time. You can save yourself a great deal of stress, and possibly some embarrassment, simply by choosing how you want to express how you feel.Write it out! Talk to a friend! Call Dial a Prayer! But by all means, never try to ignore what you feel or act as if the feelings do not exist.
4. Get clear on what you want. What do you want to do? How do you want to feel? How can you create the experience for yourself? What is that you believe is keeping you from your experience? What are you willing to do to have the most peaceful version of the experience that is possible? Yes, I know these are more questions, but they are quesions you must ask if you want to get out and stay out of the meantime.
5. Do not look for or expect anyone to make your meantime better or less painful. You need to spend some time with yourself and gather up the little pieces that you have given away. If you bring another person into the middle of the process as a means of distraction, you could very well misdiagnose the cause of your ills.

"The harder you reach out, the longer the wait becomes. The more you look at others, the more desperate the wait will seem. Not until you surrender the anger, resentment, desperation, insecurities, and fear can the meantime become a meaningful experience."

                                              -Iyanla Vanzant