You Are Not Alone

For so time now I keep getting the message that I am not alone, but I am still allowing mainstream beliefs to make me think that I am. This morning I was listening to my favorite radio station and there were several people that called in who were in the same boat. Because of persecution in a past life for their spiritual beliefs they felt isolated and alone now (To the young woman who I shared the radio station with last week, call me so that I could give you the details. Based on the information you gave me about yourself this is something you would be interested in hearing).

I also met singer and song writer yesterday who is going through a challenging time because of her mother's illness. To add to her problems, because she is not of the same religion as her birth family she has been abandoned and she and her husband are enduring alone. She is taking full care of her mother and it has been a huge challenge. The only comfort and emotional support she gets is from like minded friends, who are not even of the same religion or beliefs, but respect and support her anyway.

The artist shared different quotes from various religious books, even the Muslim religion, who say the same thing, "Love others no matter what nation, religion, culture, etc. Respect others different from you and learn from them. Show everyone kindness and compassion. We are all doing the best we can under the awareness we have." The trouble is many people construe the universal teachings and exclude people who are different from them. The warped perceptions is what blocks God awareness.

The following is what Dr. David R. Hawkins wrote in his book "I", about why people hang on to false beliefs:


"The awareness of God is obscured by cynicism, skepticism, rational caution, negativism, or even ignorance. The underlying motive often reveals the answer. The ego does not like to have it's world view challenged or brought into question. It protects it's paradigm of reality from fear. It may be threatened by contrary information and become defensive because it is being made to look 'wrong'. It also likes to take responsibility for its views because that imputes that they are held by choice.

Conflict may arise because of religious or group loyalties, or ethnic or family traditions, but the loyalty of the committed spiritual seeker is only to God. Doubt may also be a healthy signal that one is in the wrong place, spiritually speaking. As naivete merges into spiritual maturity, discernment may flash a warning signal. If in doubt, always take 'stop'. One may also outgrow the current group or teaching; then it is time to move on.

Doubt may be motivated by the fear that there may be a loss of customary self-indentity or cherished beliefs."


Anyway, I just wanted to share with you that you are not alone, even if at times you feel as though you are. Many more people are going to start coming forth because they are becoming aware of universal spiritual truths and no longer wish to hide their beliefs from others. However, loved ones may not be too happy about it and they could probably be a huge challenge. Just remember that you are not alone no matter what it appears to be and you will meet like minded individuals who will remind of the truth.

Adult Children of Alcoholics

 I spent many years suppressing childhood issues because I did not believe it was affecting me as an adult. But after learning from my brother's friend, who is an addict councelor, and after reading books from experts on the subject, I have realized the various ways I was affected as a child and why there were certain things still lingering as an adult preventing me from being the best me.

I wont get into details on the different roles that children take on when growing up in a dysfunctional family, especially in one in which one or both parents is an alcoholic. However, I will tell you that experts and psychologists have written that in a healthy family roles are temporary. For example, if the father loses his job and is going through a period of low self-esteem, the mother jumps in and becomes the provider for the family and is there to financially and emotionally support her husband and children until he is ready to get back on his feet.

Or if one child is having a hard time in school the healthy family will unite and try to help that child do better. Basically what happens in a time of challenge in healthy families is that members of the family switch off supporting each other depending on who needs the extra help at the time.

However, in an alcoholic household, there is no switching off because the person who is the addict has a long term problem. So family members take on permanent roles. For example, if the father is an alcoholic the mother takes on the victim and enabler role.

We all play different temporary roles in life. One moment you are a parent. The next moment you are a teacher. But being stuck on a role could be unhealthy. I will give you an example from my own experience.

I took on the role of the Caretaker. Experts say it is common for the oldest daughter in an alcoholic household to take on this role. There is nothing wrong with caring for others ofcourse. The problem occurs when there is a compulsion about it and you neglect your own needs. Caretakers tend to be Co-dependent. As a Co-dependent the belief is that the more you care for others the more they will care for you, perhaps even love you. Therefore, Caretakers over give even at the risk of their own health and well being.

One time when Life Coach Morgana Rae joked that she had Obsessive Coaching Disorder, it got me thinking about my own disorder. But my caring obsession was not limited to coaching. It was more like an Obsessive Caring Disorder. I've gotten a lot better in being more balanced and in practicing self-care. But sometimes I still catch myself inappropriately worrying about others.

Like when I was talking to Bill (The friend of a friend I mentioned in the previous article). He was walking me through this exercise to teach me to get myself back to love and away from lower energy emotions. I began worrying about other family members and even my deceased father. Luckily he caught that and reminded me that right now we were focusing on me and my own well being.

The following are other ways I was affected by growing up in an alcoholic household.


As a child:

• As a child I had extreme fear and anxiety. There were times I was not able to sleep because I was having an anxiety attack. I did not know what it was then. All I knew was that I was not able to breath and I had chest pains.
• I developed religious OCD (It is a real psychological dysfunction by the way). Because of the warped religious beliefs I was taught as a child, I somehow thought that the horrible things that happened at home were because I did not pray enough. So there were nights I did not sleep because I was reciting prayers.
• I never developed a feeling of well being, safety and trust which is crucial for children in order to become balanced, stable and productive adults.

As an adult:

• It took me almost three decades to learn what it was like to feel safety, well being and to begin to trust other adults.
• I discovered I still had the anxiety I had as child. However, for years I suppressed it with busyness, workaholism, co-dependency or compulsive caretaking, perfection compulsive behaviors and later with food.
• I developed passive commitmentphobic tendencies and therefore I attracted active commitmentphobics or people with serious character flaws with a built in safety net so that there is no possibility of the relationship being long term.

The above are just a few examples of the way I was affected. I write this article to encourage you to get support if you grew up in an alcoholic household. You may have an ongoing issue which stems from that.

I also want to ensure that everyone understands that I have no bad feelings towards my father nor do I blame him for anything. I understand why he developed the addiction and therefore I feel nothing but compassion and love for him. If anything I wish I knew then what I know now in order to have been there for him more when he was fighting his addiction (there goes my OCD again). However, it does not mean that I pretend that what happened never did. Like my youngest brother says, "Everyone wants to just shove everything under the rug and not talk about anything that truly matters."

My father loved us, there is no doubt about that. When he was was not drunk he was a good dad. The problem was that there rarely was a time when he was not drunk. Through the last years of his life I could see his sorrow on is face for the pain he caused us as children and young adults. I often felt he wanted to tell me something. Perhaps ask for forgiveness for not being a better father. I learned later from my godfather that it is precisely what my father told him a few days before he died. He was sorry for all the pain he caused his children. I only wish I could have had the opportunity to tell him that he was loved regardless. I wish I could have told him not to be stuck in shame because it would make him want to drink more.

By the way, another thing that I was reminded of during my conversation with Bill is that when there is alcoholism in the household low energy emotions linger and it affects all family members throughout their lives one way or another. I have heard great things about Adult Children of Alcoholics workshops. While I have not gone myself, knowing what I know now, I would have gone to these meetings to speed up my healing. Most of the stuff that is taught in these meetings I learned by chance throughtout the years and that is why it has been a long process. I imagine that if you go to the meetings the healing process is much shorter. Just remember that the support is meant to be temporary. Don't stay stuck in victim mode.

Old Patterns Keep Us Stuck In A Rut

"It may be obvious that we continue to treat ourselves the way we were treated as children, but I lived a diverse and seemingly aware life for more than forty years without figuring it out. I suspect many other people have, too. Only becoming conscious of old and unchosen patterns allows us to change them, and even so, change, not matter how much for the better, still feels cold and lonely at first-as if we were out there on the edge of the universe with the wind whistling past our ears-because it doesn't feel like home. Old patterns, no matter how negative and painful they may be, have an incredible magnetic power- because they do feel like home." - Gloria Steinem




Like Gloria Steinem I too have become aware after almost forty years that I was treating myself precisely like I was treated as a child. Now that I am consciously aware of it, I am finally making changes. It has been difficult even though the changes have been for the better. It was mostly hard for me to get out of my comfort zone because I felt so alone. I did not think about getting support until years later, so I'd keep reverting to old patterns I had been trying to break for so long.

The support team has helped me during my time of change. Especially because treating myself with respect and honor and requiring others to do the same felt alien to me. I've always gone along with what others wanted. I do not like conflict so I learned to smile and pretend everything was alright when it really was not. It took me over forty years to stand up for myself.

According to Dr. Doreen Virtue, people who grow up in healthy families do not allow others to treat them poorly when they become adults. No matter who it is, a coworker, friend, boss,etc. A person who grows up in a healthy family will not hesitate to leave a situation or a person who is not honoring and respecting them. However, those people who grow up in a dysfunctional family convince themselves that the bad treatment that they are receiving from others is not that bad.

Another pattern that has been difficult for me to break has been in the dating arena. My Love Map  was extremely warped for a long time. I unconciously chose partners that were extremely bad for me because they felt like home. No matter how unhealthy the relationship was I had a hard time leaving. Until finally I was told by my spirit guides that I deserve so much better.


If you find yourself stuck in a rut in an area in your life consider that perhaps you do not want to leave your comfort zone. Until we become aware of why we do what we do, we do not change to improve our lives.