Power VS. Force, Part II

As mentioned on my previous article, as a whole we are currently on level 207:Courage.  Ofcourse some people, families, countries are at higher levels, but we are brought back down to 207 because of those who are still stuck in lower levels such as shame, guilt, grief, anger,etc.  This is not to say that we never experience lower emotions throughout our lives just because we are at level 207. What it means is that it is the level that we are on most of the time, with few exceptions.

For example if you experience loss of any kind such as job loss, death of a loved one or divorce, it is natural to fall back to the level of Grief. The danger is when people stay there. Or those people who have never had a chance in life to experience another level, a thought does not even emerge that it is possible to be able rise higher. 

Below are the higher levels. As you go further towards 1,000 the percentage of people on that level decreases dramatically.

Energy Level 250: Neutrality
This energy level becomes very positive because it is neutral. Polarization creates division and opposition. "As in martial arts, a rigid position becomes a point of vulnerability;that which doesn't bend is liable to break...the Neutral condition allows for flexibility and nonjudgemental, realistic appraisal of problems." An example that the author gives is that if a person is at this level he is likely to say things such as, "Well, if I don't get this job I will get another." Hawkins adds, "This is the beginning of inner confidence; sensing one's power, one isn't easily intimidated or driven to prove anything. The expectation that life, with its ups and downs, will be basically okay if one can roll with the punches is a 250-level attitude." People at this level have a sense of well being and are easy to get along with. They are  not interested in conflict, competition, guilt or drama."This attitude is nonjudgemental and doesn't lead to any need to control other's people behavior...due to Neutral people's value of freedom, they are difficult to control."

Energy Level 310:Willingness
Success, growing and learning is rapid here. "They're helpful to others and contribute to the good of society. They are also willing to face inner issues and do not have any major learning blocks...At this level self-esteem is high...Willingness is sympathetic and responsive to the needs of others. Willing people are contributors to society. With their capacity to bounce back from adversity and learn from experience, they tend to become self-correcting. Having  let go of Pride, they are willing to let go of their defects and learn from others. At the level of Willingness people become excellent students. They are easily trainable and represent a considerable source of society."

Energy Level 350: Acceptance 
"At this level a major transformation takes place, with the understanding that one is oneself the source and creator of the experience of one's life...All people at levels below 200 tend to be powerless, and see themselves as victims, at the mercy of life. This stems from the belief that the source of one's happiness or the cause of one's problems is 'out there'. An enormous jump at- taking back one's own power- is completed at this level, with the realization that the source of  one's happiness is within oneself. At this more evolved stage, nothing 'out there' has the capacity to make one happy, and love isn't something that is given or taken away by another, but is created from within." This is not to be confused with passivity, which is a symptom of apathy. At the level 350 one is able to "see the whole picture."  People at this level do not discourage diversity.

Energy Level 400: Reason
"Intelligence and rationality rise at the forefront when the emotionalism of the lower levels is transcended. Reason is capable of handling large, complex, amounts of data and making rapid, corrective decisions; of understanding the intricacies of relationships, gradations, and fine destinctions; expert manipulation of symbols as abstract concepts becomes increasingly important...Understanding and information are the main tools of accomplishment...Einstein, Freud, and many of the other great thinkers of history calibrate here." However, the drawback is that reason does not itself provide a guide to truth. "Transcending this level is relatively uncommon in our society."

Energy Level 500: Love
"Love as depicted in mass media is not the level of what this is about. What the world generally refers to as love is an intense emotional condition, combining physical attraction, possessiveness, control, addiction, eroticism, and novelty...The 500 level  is characterized by the development of a Love that is unconditional, unchanging, and permanent. It doesn't fluctuate and it's source is not dependent on external factors. Loving is a state of being. It is a forgiving, nurturing, and supportive way of relating to the world...Love emanates from the heart. It has the capacity to lift others and accomplish great feats because of its purity of motive...Reason deals with particulars, whereas Love deals with entirities. The abilty, often described as intuition, is the capacity for instantaneous understanding without resorting to sequential symbol processing... Love is inclusive...This is the level of true happiness."  However, only .04 of the world's population ever reaches this level of evolution and consciousness.

Energy Level 540: Joy
Once Love becomes more unconditional it begins to be experienced as inner joy. This level is maintained and it is not dependent on externals. "This is the domain of saints, advanced spiritual students and healers...the hallmark of this state is compassion...Individual will merges with Divine will...A Presence is felt whose power facilitates phenomena outside conventional expectations of reality, termed miraculous by the ordinary observer. This is the power of the energy field, not the individual...There is a desire to use one's state of consciousness for the benefit of life itself rather than particular individuals. The capacity to love many people simultaneously is then accompanied by the discovery that the more one loves, the more one can love."

Energy Level 600: Peace
"This energy field is associated with the experience designated by such terms as transcendence, sefl-realization and God-consciousness. It's extremely rare, attained by only 1 in 10 million people...Not uncommon, individuals at this level remove themselves from the world, as the state of bliss precludes ordinary activity. Some become spiritual teachers; others work anonymously for the betterment of mankind. A few become great geniuses in their prospective fields and make a major contribution to society. These people are saintly...although at this level, formal religion is commonly transended, to be replaced by pure spirituality."


Energy Levels 700-1,000: Enlightment
"This is the level of the Great Ones of history who originated the spiritual patterns that countless people have followed throughout the ages. All associated with divinity, which they are often indentified. This is the level of powerful inspiration; these beings set in place attractor energy fields that influence all of mankind. This is the level of the "Great Avatars" such as Lord Krishna, Lord Buddha, and Lord Jesus Christ."



David Hawkins recommends a spiritual practice in order to accelerate the pace of your growth and evolution. By spiritual practice he does not necessarily mean religious practice. Hawkins writes that most teachings from the "The Great Avatars" have been tampered with in order for low energy people to manipulate and control others. David himself wrote, "I lost religion, but I discovered spirituality." I can't tell you what your spiritual practice should be for you. As David and other spiritual teachers say, you can only be given signposts, but there is no particular formula which fits everyone.

I could tell you that if you listen to your intuition it will guide you and also make you aware of the signposts. They are everywhere, but we ignore them or don't see them when we allow ourselves to dwell in lower levels.

    

Power VS. Force

A dear friend of mine loan me a book called Power Vs. Force by David R. Hawkins. Over the weekend he asked me if I had the chance to read it and if so what I had thought about it. I told him that I had finally finished it and I loved it. I felt so peaceful and happy while reading it as though the author himself was sending me good energy. My friend said that it is interesting that I should mention that because Mr. Hawkins died last month on 9/19/12. My friend added that he and his wife had the opportunity to meet him a few years ago. Mr. Hawkins was physically small, however he was full of vitality and radiated such beautiful loving energy to everyone that you just felt instantly happy just by being in his presence.


I was sad to hear about his passing. It would have been nice to have met him one day. However, his work remains. I will share with you briefly what his book Power Vs. Force is about. Basically the power of Love is much stronger than the lower feelings of shame, anger, fear, etc. The following are the different levels. I have only given a very brief description of each so that I could fit it in this article. But please read his book if you would like more information and also to find out how he measured these levels. I will begin with the lowest level to the highest.

Energy Level 20:Shame
This level is low it is equalled to death. It is destructive to emotional and psychological health. Shame is used as a tool for cruelty and the victims become cruel themselves. Shamed children are brutal to animals and to each other. This is the most dangeous level.

Energy Level 30: Guilt
In our society guilt is commonly used  to manipulate or punish. "Guilt-domination results in its preocupation with 'sin,' an unforgiving emotional attitude frequently exploited by religious demagogues, who use it for coercion or control...Guilt provokes rage and killing is frequently its expression."

Energy Level 50: Apathy
This level is characterized by poverty, despair and hopelessness. This is the level in which the homeless recide. The level of "the streets of Calcutta, where only the saintly, such as Mother Teresa and her followers, dare to tread."

Energy Level 75: Grief
This is the level of loss, sadness and dependency. We all have experienced this level at one point, but those who remain on this level feel constant regret and depression. "Although Grief is the cemetery of life, it still has more energy than Apathy does. Thus when a traumatized, apathetic patient begins to cry, we know they are getting better. Once they cry, they will eat again."

Energy Level 100: Fear
Fear has more energy than the lower levels. It is healthy to have fear of danger. However, fear runs much of the world and it can cause many problems as we have witnessed in our personal lives and throughout history.

Energy Level 125: Desire
This level has even more energy. "The desire for money, prestige, or power runs the lives of many of those who have risen above fear as there predominant life motif. However, Desire is also the level of addiction." There are many forms of addiction and also one could be addicted to people or behaviors. "Some people become addicted for hunger for attention and drive others away by their constant demands...Desire has to do with accumulation and greed."

Energy Level 150: Anger
"Although Anger may lead to homicide and war, as an energy level it's much further removed from death than those below it. Anger can lead to either constructive or destructive action...But Anger expresses itself most often as resentment and revenge, and is, therefore, volatile and dangerous. Anger as a lifestyle is exemplified by irritable explosive people who are over sensitive to slights and become 'injustice collectors',  quarrelsome, belligerent, or litigious...The Angry person may go into rage, just like a frustrated infant. Anger leads easily to hatred, which has an erosive effect on all areas of a person's life."

Energy level 175: Pride
People feel positive as they reach this level. It has "enough energy to run the United States Marine Corps. It is a rise of self-esteem compared to the lower levels. "Pride looks good and knows it." Normally Pride has a good reputation and it is encouraged by society. The problem is  "that Pride is dependent on external conditions, without which it can suddenly revert to lower levels...The inflated ego is vulnerable to attack...The downside of Pride is arrogance and denial."

Energy Level 200: Courage
At this level true power occurs."This is the critical line that distinguishes the positive and negative influences in life...Courage implies the willingness to try new things and deal with changes and challenges of life. At this level one of empowerment , one is able to cope with and effectively handle the oppotunities of life... There's the capacity to face fears or character defects and to grow despite of them...Obstacles that defeat people whose cosciousness is below 200 act as stimulants to those who have evolved into the first level of true power...The collective level of consciousness of mankind remained at 190 for many centuries and, curiously, only jumped to its current level of 207 within the last decade."    


I will stop here at the level we are currently in, 207. There are more levels, which I will share with you in the future. I just want to stop here for this article because at first it disturbed me that Mr. Hawkins wrote in his book that in a lifetime most people only move about three points.  So if you are a child born into a family who is at the 150: Anger, at most you could hope to move up to is 153. Which is still at the level of Anger.  However, the author also shared how we can make quantum leaps into the higher levels,  which I will share in another article.
     

   

Find Your Tribe

 I finally found my tribe last month. These people are like minded. They are my spiritual family and friends. I never thought I'd find them at a church. I had kept away from religious organizations for years because my biological family's religion and religions I had explored as a young adult only had a negative influence in my life. I was already an anxious and frightened child and adult. Religion only made the situation worse.

My intuition had been guiding me towards Unity Church for several years now, but I kept putting it off. I would set up a day to go and then last minute I'd come up with something silly as to why not to go.  I am so blessed and grateful that I finally did listen to my gut feelings.  Even when I have had the most challenging week, my tribe never fails to restore me back to my happy self.

Frequently the service seems to be especially made for me. In fact, I mentioned it to the Reverend yesterday that is was spooky how he seems to be reading my mind throughout the week because when I show up on Sundays I find myself  hearing exactly what I needed to hear to restore me back to love. I also find that much of what I write about on this blog is taught at my church. The following is some of the things that the Reverend talked about this past Sunday.

• Everyone behaves in unloving ways sometimes. The important thing is to catch yourself and try not to do it anymore. Don' stay stuck in shame. God does not love you any less for your mistakes. 
•  There is no sin, only mistakes. In fact, I learned last year that sin was actually an old Greek archery term that simply meant, "You are off the mark. Make the necessary corrections and avoid doing it again."
• Rip up the negative tapes.The critical voice in your head which tells you that you are not good enough, attractive enough, smart enough, qualified enough, special enough, etc. The negative voice was formed by family, society, teachers and peers, but it is not the truth. These negative programs came from false perceptions of people who simply did not know any better, even if they might have meant well.
• Same with the negative movies of your mind. Delete them, they are keeping you stuck in old patterns and behaviors.
• Let go of old reactions, behaviors and attitudes that are keeping you from being aligned with the love of God.
• Pay attention to the company you keep. The Rev. said that even he has to remind himself to do this sometimes.
• Make it a daily practice to commune with God to avoid slipping.
• Don't be afraid to reveal your magnificent self. Sometimes it is fun to wear masks, like for Halloween, and pretend you are someone else for a while. However, many hide behind masks throughout their lives in fear of being judged or ridiculed  or considered a weirdo. No need to put on masks for God. He loves your true self.
• All people are welcomed at Unity Church. Regardless of religion, sexual orientation, economic level, ethnic background, race, age, etc.    

 The Reverend took a carved pumpkin (It was a happy one, not a scary one) to church to use as a visual aide for the service, but also to tell us the story as to how the Halloween holiday began; why we carve pumpkins, wear costumes, and pass out candy. It was a beautiful story and he made it fun for the kids. They just loved it.

I encourage you to look for your tribe. It has been most rewarding for me to have found mine. My son and I are treated like family by everyone. Sometimes it surprises me because I had never received so many hugs and even kisses from people. Not even from my own parents. Actually I do not remember ever being hugged much less kissed by my parents even as a child.

I almost do not want to share by spiritual family with you. But that would be very selfish of me. So if you would like to join us, you are very welcome to. You can get information about the church I go to at http://www.unityriverside.org or you can look for one near you www.unityonline.org.


Life can be extra challenging when you journey it alone.  Sometimes you feel like you have never fit in with your biological family or even with friends. You feel like a weirdo and begin to start wearing masks in order to fit it. But I'm telling you that there is no need for that. All you need to do is to find your tribe. Those like minded people who will welcome, support, motivate, and even love you for being your true self. Your spiritual family may be different than mine. We are all unique individuals. But it is out there waiting for you. As for me, I feel as though I have finally come home.

Growth and Healing

Growth and Healing could be a life long process. In fact, it usually is for most of us. There are those who are completely healed, but they are exceptions to the rule. A woman who comes to mind  who healed her stuff and is considered a spiritual master by many circles is Byron Katie. Although she is so humble she would tell you that she does not know whether that is true or not. All she knows is that she got tired of being a masochist. Katie, as she prefers to be called, suffered many painful years in deep depression. She even had to go to a hospital for a while because she was not able to function at all. She slept on a hard cold floor because she felt she did not deserve better. Then she found The Work. If you would like to learn her whole story read one of her books.

I remember when I first met Katie it was at a Dr. Wayne Dyer seminar in 2005. I was not aware they were doing the seminar together. I actually had not even heard of her. But I was amazed by her. Nothing seemed to upset her. She was very loving and caring to everyone. It is hard to believe that there was a time her kids couldn't stand her and that she had trouble in her marriage (note: she is now married to someone else. He has translated spiritual texts such as the Tao Te Ching.  I believe he is something like twenty years younger than her. When he met Katie he was amazed that she was saying things spiritual masters throughout the ages have taught, yet she never read a single book nor even heard of most of the masters, much less knew what their teachings were). What is even more unbelievable to me is that she is so "enlightened" that even though she was becoming blind, her home was robbed (completely) and one time she was almost raped, she reacted the same loving way as she always does. In fact, after just a few words from Katie the rapist changed his mind and left her home.

However, the rest of us are on a different path than Katie is. I have learned that growing and healing is not a linear process. It is not like when you make a "To do" list. You can't write; heal childhood wounds (check); improve relationships (check); stop codependency behavior (check); learn to stand up for yourself (check); stop caretaking patterns (check); become enlightened (check). Even when you work super hard in growing and healing things still come back from the past sometimes to bite you on the butt.

I learned from experience that sometimes when we think we finally healed a situation will occur which will show you otherwise. According to Dorothy Corkville Briggs, author of  Embracing Youself,  learning is much like when you potty train a child.

• First the child becomes aware of  what he needs to do.
• Second the child will tell you, after he soiled himself,  that he needs to go to the bathroom.
• Third the child will tell you that he needs to go to the bathroom while there is urine running down his leg.
• Fourth, the child will finally alert you before he goes to the bathroom that he needs to go. Possibly the child will have some accidents though.
• Fifth, the child goes to the bathroom on his own.

Now let me share with you the adult version of learning.  Let's say you have become aware that you need to heal your relationship with your mother.

• First you become aware of needing to heal your relationship with your mother and you prepare for it. Perhaps you talk to a therapist, church councelor or support group. Maybe you read a few books on how other people have done this. Or you use your best friend's relationship with her mother as an example and ask her for tips.
• Second you feel ready and think you know it all. But then your mother comes over and the battle begins. Three weeks later you realize you did not practice anything that you learned or told yourself you'd do differently.
• Third she comes over again and while you are in the middle of your old habitual reactions, you think to yourself, "Here I go again, darn it. I said I would not do this anymore. It drains me."
• Fourth you now catch yourself before repeating old reaction patterns and while there are occasions you slip, they are not big slips, and you go back to practicing what you learned immediately.
• Fifth, your new healthier patterns on how to relate to your mother are now learned in your subconscious so they are automatic.

Please note that Dr. Laura Shlessinger recommends that if your relationship with your parents is extremely dysfunctional and your parents are abusive towards you, what you need to do is find a way to keep away from him or her or both of them. At least set up strong boundaries if you must see them. Yes people always say that you have to love your parents no matter what. But if you allow them to abuse you emotionally, physically, or mentally, you are not loving yourself. I just wanted to make sure I clarified this because some people think that they must tolerate abuse just because it comes from a parent. This may be true when you are a child because you have no choice if you want to survive. But this is not the case as an adult.

 Also, keep in mind that some relationships seem like they are lost causes, but after going through your own healing you learn otherwise. This was the case with my relationship with my  mother. Once I healed and learned to protect myself, I was ready to see why she did what she did and practiced better ways to communicate with her. Now (even though she is the same person she was before, still carrying years of pain), she responds very differently to me. I could honestly say that we definitely have a much more healthier relationship than we ever had. We also understand each other more so we have become compassionate with each other.

Anyhow, the point of this article is to encourage you to keep on growing and healing. Even when you slip. Sometimes you just want to give it all up and rather live in isolation so that you don't have to deal with anyone or anything. However, remind yourself that the challenges you presently have with a person or situation are precisely what you need heal.  If you don't learn, the lesson will be repeated or even get worse. But be patient and loving with yourself. We are all doing the best we can.


  

How Did I Get Here?

"If you are truly alive, if you are truly growing, you will undoubtly come to many difficult transitions and crossroads in your life journey. These twists and turns are arbitrary. If you haven't traveled so far down the road, you wouldn't have come to this new set of paths, choices, and challenges. It is because you have been so courageous, so determined to learn, to seek the truth, that you are here at all."

            - Barbara De Angelis, author of How Did I Get Here?


A few days ago I had the great opportunity to hear the past story of an inspiring woman. I have looked up to her for a while. Because of her beautiful, vivacious, and sweet personality I had assumed she was blessed with a perfect life. It turns out that years ago she was broke and had no job.  To top it off she had gone through so much growth and healing that her old friends and family no longer wanted to be around her because she made them uncomfortable. She said that for many months she was very lonely and depressed. But she trusted her intuition to lead her to her Life Purpose and now she is rich. I never would have thought she ever had an unpleasant moment in her life. Every time she is on the radio she is giggling, laughing and saying such beautiful comforting words.

Last month I also heard Life Coach, Morgana Rae, share her story. From what I understand this woman is so awesome she coaches millionaires and celebrities. She mentioned that she had not always been this successful and prosperous. In fact, Morgana shared that when she was almost forty she was fully dependent on her father. She was not proud of this, but no matter how hard she tried or what talents she possessed, she just couldn't improve her financial situation. Then her father had a financial crises and was no longer able to help her. So she had to figure out what to do and quick. Morgana consulted a Life Coach who helped her become aware of what may be the cause of her situation. She now has a fulfilling and prosperous life.


These stories reminded me of what Dr. Wayne Dyer wrote in one of his books. He was told by teachers and I believe college instructors as well, that he wrote poorly. Fortunately he never listened  to their opinions otherwise we would not be blessed with his inspirational books. He wrote in several of his "best selling" books,  "Other's opinion of me is none of my business."  Dr. Dyer has also mentioned that he has encountered negativity from family and friends because he has been so determined to follow his intuition and not what others tried to get him to do.

There is a story in a book called, If Life is a Game These Are The Rules,  in which a former opera singer had some serious vocal chord damage and was no longer able to sing. She went to talk to a Life Coach because she had a hard time figuring out what to do in order to make money. The Coach asked her what she liked to do or what talents did she have. The singer told her that she did not have any skills in which others would consider "practical" in order to get a job. The Coach encouraged her to share her talents anyway. The singer said that she spoke French, loved to eat and to shop. With the help of the Coach she surprisingly found work that required these hobbies. She now works at a fancy hotel entertaining rich guests who speak French and sometimes it involves taking them to restaurants and shopping around town.

 One of my favorite emotional eating experts, Geneen Roth, mentioned that she was judged by her family for putting stories in her book about the emotional abuse she experienced as a child. After many tears, she reminded herself of all the people around the world she has helped heal and decided to continue writing her stories. Geneen said that it was not done to hurt her parents, particularly her mother, but to show people that their is hope in healing no matter what. Also Geneen shared that when she began giving workshops she had still not lost all her weight since she was doing it the slow, healthy and natural way. So some people that showed up at the workshop and saw her walked away. Still she did not give up and continued to teach others what she learned about emotional eating.


Then there is Oprah. She was abused as a child. As an adult she was ridiculed for wanting to be a talk show host because of her appearance and background. When she finally did become a talk show host and experienced some level of success, a group of greedy business people attempted to take advantage of her and tried to sue her. She was shattered for a while, but with some savvy words from Dr. Phil, she was reminded of who she was and refused to back down and allow them to bully her no matter how powerful the business people were.

Albert Einstein failed grade school math. Thomas Edison was considered a loser for some time for failing thousands of times before inventing the light bulb.

I share these stories in case others are judging you. Or maybe you are judging yourself for finding yourself in a very challenging and unwelcomed situation. Hopefully the above stories inspire and remind you that no situation, as bad is seems,  is permanent.

Feel Your Pain, Then Forgive

I have never gone to psychotherapy myself, mainly because I have heard of so many people spending years in therapy and nothing got resolved. I also have never been to 12 steps programs for the same reason. At one point, when things were going very bad for me, I was tempted to go to Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings. But I was afraid that I would be like so many people, stuck in victim mode. Ofcourse it is only my opinion. I know many have been helped with therapy and 12 steps programs. It just has never been for me.

But I have also come to the realization that ignoring or suppressing problems does not work either. For many years that was me. I ignored my past figuring it was over and done with and there was no need for me reflect on it and how it was affecting my present life. Honestly, I did not think my childhood had anything to do with my life as an adult. Because of this I kept repeating the same mistakes over and over in all areas of my life.

This was until my world was turned upside down and I was forced to take a look at the ugly things that had happened in my childhood that I had been denying for so long. The biggest breakthrough came after my father died. For some reason the event of my father passing over, triggered something inside of me that forced me to stop denying the truth. While grieving his death I also went through a period of mourning for being cheated from a normal childhood. I became angry, sad (even depressed), anxious, etc. All of the stages for grieving.

I allowed myself to feel all the grief and pain the memories brought up. It was as though my whole system was going through a major emotional detox. After that I was able to forgive. However, I also learned that forgiving did not mean you condone a person's bad behavior nor did it mean you had to allow that person to hurt you in the present. It meant forgiving the person for my own well being and setting healthy boundaries so that the person has no way of hurting me again. This has been one of my biggest, if not the biggest, of my triumphs so far. To forgive, yet set healthy boundaries.

I write this not to discourage people from going to therapy, but to encourage you not to stay stuck in your pain. Have the courage to admit the truth, feel the pain, forgive and then move on to live a joyful and fulfilling life. Also, do not wait for others to allow you to feel what you feel. Some people might minimize your experience because it is not what they experienced or they are denying what they also went through. Regardless, you are not here to defend your emotions to anyone. You are here to heal and grow. If you do find yourself having to defend your emotions maybe it is best to seek help with a therapist, support group, or a person from your church. I was fortunate to find a Reverend, a church group, and like minded friends I could talk to when I need someone to just hear me out. I also learned some wonderful things about 12 step programs from a wise and trusted friend of mine.

Spiritual Awakening

Many more people than ever before are now reaching an aware and spiritual state. Or have at least experienced a powerful moment of complete bliss, love and knowingness that has impacted their life in some way.

There have always been such people among us, but very few. Now it is reaching mainstream groups and ordinary people like you and me. Before it was believed that only spirititual masters such as Jesus or Buddha could experience this state of being. But it turns out this is not the case anymore.

Some people do not know what to call it. Yet they experience it every day of their lives. As of 2005 I have been coming across more people like this. It surprises me that I have met such beautiful souls. I am aware there are many teachers out there who experience this state, but to know someone personally, who are for the most part in this spiritual place, fills me with immense gratitude and joy.

I had my own spiritual experience a few years ago when I went through extreme challenges. I believe this occured to me because I was no longer able to handle what I was going through on my own and I finally surrendered to God and my Higher self. If I had not been brought to my knees, I probably would still be living my life listening to my ego needs.  After my spiritual awakening, I spent several months feeling complete bliss and I no longer wanted to be part of society. However, being a parent did not allow me the luxury to hide and spend my days in communion with God somewhere in isolation.

I found it interesting how I was now able to read and understand spiritual texts. A good example of such a text is A Course In Miracles. I had bought the book about ten years prior to my awakening and as much as I tried, I just couldn't understand it. After my spiritual experience, I understood every word of it. I often felt a surge of energy down my spine when I read the text. I do not know what to call it, but I learned last year that many people are now having the same experience and it is believed it is God energy. Others call it Holy Spirit energy. Some call it Source energy. Whatever this energy is called it is of an extremely high voltage.   


The challenge now is to live this way every day of our lives. I do not mean to sit in meditation all day, go hide in the woods, or isolate ourselves from others. But to bring this unconditional love state to every part of our lives. There are ordinary people who do this by the way. Every time I am in their presence I feel as though everything is going to be okay. Sometimes they bring tears to my eyes with their words of love and comfort. Other times I am uplifted just by their loving presence.

More of us need to help each other live this way. Once we reach a tipping point, about 51% of the population, there will be much healing in our planet. We will be so strong that our fellow humans who are still suffering will be lifted up as well.

This is not fiction folks. This is actually happening. Even science such as Quantum physics is backing this up. What you can do to help this along is to heal your own life so that you will be in a position to help others. Currently I know several healers who are continuously working on themselves, myself included, to be of better service to others.

One of my spiritual friends told me the other day that we are now manifesting at a very rapid speed. It is so true. Which means we need to be more aware of what we manifest into our life and we need to be in touch with God and our Higher Self to ensure we are manifesting for the good of everyone and everything in the planet.

For more information on this article, please contact me carbajalzulma@gmail.com.

It's Not You, It's Him

Some men are just not ready for commitment. It does not matter how beautiful, nice, successful, talented or smart you are. If a man is not ready for a serious relationship you can not convince him otherwise. This is something that has to come from his heart and soul. The following may be hints that a man is not ready for commitment now, if ever.

• He recently broke up from a serious relationship. Although men are ready for sex right after a break-up, they are not ready for commitment. They need time to heal just as we do.
• You see pictures of his ex in his wallet, fridge, phone, bedroom or any area that he will regularly look at. He may tell you he is over his ex, but these are signs that he is hanging on to something. He has not completely gotten over her no matter what he says. He may actually not even be aware that he has not healed the relationship with his ex. This will leave no room for you in his heart.
• Pay attention to the man's age. If he is in his twenties he is likely playing the field not looking for anything serious. He may also be going to school or working himself up in the career ladder and is not thinking about committing to a woman. Men in their forties may be bachelors for life if they have never been married nor had long term exclusive relationships. Some who have been married for a long time may decide that it is time to live the single life for now on because they missed out on it when they were younger. Keep in mind that there are exceptions to the rule. You just have to pay attention to what your intuition is telling you. I have come across men who married in their twenties who are still married, but most are unhappy in their marriage. There are some who don't mind marriage, but that's because they still live as though they were single. The wife is the one who has to do everything to maintain the marriage. It is not very fulfilling for the wife.
• He disappears on you. A man who is ready for an exclusive relationship will call you almost every day and almost all his weekends will be spent with you. If he does not call you for a few days, and it is rare that you have a weekend date with him, he is just playing the field not looking for anything serious. Ofcourse, it could also be the case that the relationship is still very new, but if weeks go by, not to mention months, then he does not want anything serious with you.
• He is not very mature or is still in selfish mode. He is only around for the sex and the fun. However, when you really need him he wont be around. Like when your car breaks down he will tell you, "Call me when you get it taken care of." Instead of "I'll fix it for you after work or over the weekend." - " Let me call my mechanic to take a look at it." Or even, "Don't worry sweetheart, I will give you the money to fix it."
• He will tell you he is not ready for anything exclusive. Believe him when he does. Ask him when he will be, if ever. Do not ask on the first three dates though. Unless he is pushing for sex and wants to meet your family then ask him if you are a couple. Don't just assume that just because he goes with you to family functions you are exclusive. And definitely do not assume you are a couple if you are having sex. See my article "Don't Confuse Lust With Love" 10/26/11.

"That is it in a nutshell-every man knows this is coming up the road for him. He may not be ready for it now,but if he's not ready for it now and you are, then you don't have a good match, do you? So why waste all of your valuable years on something that's not going where you want it to go? Instead, you should seek out someone else who wants to go where you're going. I truly believe that's why there are so many women in their midthirties unmarried-because somewhere along the line, they just didn't put their foot down and move on."

- Steve Harvey, comedian and author of Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man

Self-Care

　

Many of us exceed in taking care of others, however we struggle to take care of ourselves. This mostly happens to be the case for women with children. You might wonder why self-care is so important when there is an abundance of daily tasks and others to attend to. Based on my experience and what I have witnessed others experiencing from lack of self care, it is crucial that you do attend to your daily needs.

When I first started learning to prioritize my own needs, I realized that I really did not know what it meant to take care of myself. So what I did was make a note of all the things I did for others to ensure they were healthy, happy and ready for life. Then I incorporated some of the things I did for them and began to do them for myself. The following are a few examples of what I do in order to practice self-care.

　

Take Care Of Your Body

The first thing to do in order to have the health and energy for your life is to take care of your body. Feed it nutritious foods and exercise it most days of the week. You do not have to be ridiculously strict nor do you necessarily have to do any streneous exercises. Just keep it simple. Easy does it. What I do when I do not feel like exercising is go for a walk for at least thirty minutes. I come back recharged, energized and in a great mood. When I do not take my walk I feel more tired during the day and I am not so happy. On the days I feel that I have too much to do and want to just skip it, I remind myself that walking not only ensures that my body remains healthy, but it also elevates my mood which helps me deal with daily challenges in a better way.

Get enough sleep and rest. Doing this is so much more healthier for your body than filling yourself up with caffeine or an energy drink in order to make it through the day. I understand that there are days when no matter what you do, you just can't get to bed on time. But as a general rule you should get to bed at a decent hour or work on arranging your schedule so that you can eventually get to that point. Also, if your schedule permits, take a nap during the day. I know this is not always possible, if ever. But see if you can work something out. There have been a couple times I had to postpone a few things in order to take a short nap because I was too exhausted to even get basic stuff done which did not require much brain work, much less was I able to do the things that did.

　

Love Your Body As Is

Most of us have some problem area in our body and no matter what we do it stays the same. Love your problem area(s) anyway. Love everything about your body as is. For whatever reason, you were given the body that you have. Know that it is perfect for what you are meant to achieve and learn in this lifetime. Be grateful for the years it has hung in there when you were not so nice to it and sometimes even abused it.

　

Self- Esteem

Practice building up your self-esteem. We all have a critical voice, but high esteemers notice it, thank it for sharing and replace the judgemental thought with a more positive one. People with low self-esteem have gotten so use to having a critical voice that they do not even notice it anymore. Some people have a very mean and abusive critical voice. I just cringe when I hear them talking negatively about themselves. I wonder what they tell themselves in private. The critical voice was developed as a child. It is the voice of your primary caretakers, family, peers, teachers, media, culture and society.You must know that the critical voice only has false things to say. The truth is that you are a magnificent being and the warped perceptions of others has made you believe otherwise.


Look For Your Tribe

It is part of self-care to look for your tribe. To find those like minded people who you enjoy spending time with. We all have some family members or other relationsips in which we spend time with out of obligation not because we want to. Finding people who are more like you and who have similar interests makes life more fun, fulfilling and meaningful, but also your tribe is a huge support when you are going through a challenging situation. Practicing good self-care means staying away from people who deplete you or you just don't like spending time with for whatever reason. It also means looking for those people who nourish, encourage, support, motivate and make you feel good about you.

If you would like a free coaching session please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com.

Make Space For Your New Life

　

Autumn is the time of clearing the old that no longer works in order to plant new seeds for the life that you desire. If you have been wanting to improve your life this is the season in which many things from the past are going to be brought to the surface for you to look at in order for you to see what is keeping you stuck in your old life that no longer serves you.

When a negative situation comes up, try not to get upset. Know that what is happenning in your life is resurfacing in order to give you the option to choose healing and growth to prepare the way for what you now want in your life. It is possible that you may not even know what you want on a conscious level because you are so caught up in the drama of life. However, your soul knows and will share that knowledge with you if you are willing to listen.

Often we don't want to listen. We are so focused on blaming others for our circumstances instead reminding ourselves that there are no accidents and everything happens for a reason. Our ego wants us to hold on to old pain and beliefs because once you start listening to your soul you will gain mastery over your ego.

This is also a time when the energy of transformation is the most powerful. If you begin to plant the seeds now, by Spring they will grow and bloom. This means that you would need to take aware action right away.

You do not nessarily have to take physical action. What you may need to do in order to create the most positive outcome could be changing old beliefs or thoughts. Or it could mean getting rid of negative reactions.

Sometimes what is required of you is to let go of a dysfunctional relationship or heal the one you are in. Perhaps you need to seek out like minded friends to support you with your new endeavors. It may be time for you to get out of your comfort zone and instead of listening to what others want you begin to listen to your heart.

It is possible that events have presented an opportunity for you to heal and let go of childhood wounds even if they are deep. Or you will need to unlearn the false information that your primary caretakers, society, peers and family have programmed into to you.

You might have to stop the busy work and workaholism so that you can focus on what really matters (to you) and for once begin taking at least small steps towards your dreams. Probably you will have to learn to take better care of yourself in order to have the energy to accomplish your goals.

We are all unique individuals with different experiences so what I will need to do is different than what you may need. However, if you listen to your soul, it will tell your precisely what is required to let go of or to do in order to leave space for the circumstances and people that you want to fill your life with.

If you would like more information please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com. I have also written similar articles for www.first30days.com in the blog section or you can post a question on the "Talk to Us" section in Ariane's site and I will reply.

　

　

To Be Truly Happy

"The mind may succeed in making you intelligent, but it is poorly equipped to make you happy, fulfilled, at peace with yourself."- Deepak Chopra, The Way of The Wizard


 At one point in my life I was severely depressed. But even when I was not depressed, I still had this sadness I couldn't shake off no matter what I achieved or obtained. It is part of the reason why I worked so hard in life and became a workaholic. I kept thinking that once I achieved my desired goal I would be happy. Sometimes this was the case, but usually it was not. And even when I was happy after accomplishing something it was only short lived.

Then one day, my life was turned upside down and I finally stopped long enough to figure out why I was not happy. Much of it had to do because I was holding on to anger I had on missing out on having a good childhood. I was not aware of it at first, but soon all was revealed. After the grieving period lifted I finally found true happiness.

I also, realized that nothing external could bring me long term happiness. Authentic happiness is brought out from within. I say this not because so many others have said it, but because my experience has shown me that this is the truth. I sometimes think that I was stripped away from everything material that I valued in order to learn this lesson. I was not listening any other way, that's for sure.

Another thing that I finally discovered was that I also did not need anyone to be happy. I may desire to have a romantic partner, but it is no longer required in order for me to be happy. I think back on all the years I wasted dating one dysfunctional person after another and hanging on no matter how bad they were for me. My perception at the time was that without a man I had no value. I have read that this is common among women. It is a belief that has been passed down from generation to generation for thousands of years. While things have changed immensely throughout the years, deep down women still believe this. This is why they tolerate so much abuse from men.

I am here to tell you that you have eternal value which is not determined by what you have or don't have. When you know this without any doubt, even when people tell you otherwise, you will be truly happy. It is one of the most beautiful things that you will ever experience in life. You will feel bliss no matter what is going on around you. Others may wonder why you are so happy when things don't look so good for you. You may try to explain, but they wont understand. Only those who are six sensory beings will know what you are joyful about.

The Game of Life

"When you see a picture in your mind's eye on something that you do not choose as part of your reality, don't give it a second look. Picture something else."

                                        -Neale Donald Walsch


The reason many people have a hard time getting unstuck is because they keep thinking the same way and doing things like they have always done them, yet they are expecting different results. I am guilty of doing this myself in several areas of my life. Not until I became aware of what I was doing and began to consciously choose better thoughts and taking aware action towards by desires did things begin to change for the better.

 Change does not come easy for most people. There is a lot of fear and doubt involved even for those  who are usually very confident in themselves. It is scary to face the unknown. But think about the alternative. Living a life with no meaning and very little joy. So as challenging as change could be I do what it takes to make it happen because staying in my comfort zone was dull, depressing, boring, lonely and in the long run more painful than going for what I wanted.

There are two things that I do daily so I do not revert back to old patterns, behaviors, reactions and actions that no longer serve me and are sabotaging my success efforts. I will share them with you.


Monitor Your Thoughts
Most people are not very conscious of what they are thinking. Even those of us who practice awareness regularly can't keep track of every single thought. However, your emotions will alert you if what you are thinking is a negative thought. Pay attention to those emotions instead of suppressing them with workaholism, busyness, food, alcohol or drugs.

If you are not very much in touch with your emotions, which many people aren't for various reasons that I will not get into here, begin monitoring your thoughts by writing for thirty minutes a day. Just write whatever comes to mind. Then by the end of the week review what you wrote.  Highlight the thoughts that keep coming up daily. Make a mental note that these thoughts are what are creating your life.

I stumbled upon this process by accident a few years ago when I was packing things in order to get ready to move. I found old journals and was looking through them trying to decide if I should just shred them instead of finding another box to pack them. I noticed that every day I wrote the same thing, "I am tired of struggling. Life is such a struggle for me. No matter how hard I work, things are getting worse."  This became a self-fulfilling prophecy because indeed things did get worse, much worse. I lost my job and the consequence was that I lost my home as well. I "worked hard" to find work,  but still things got much worse and I was certainly struggling more than I had ever done before in my life.

I'd like to say that I undestood that my thoughts were creating these negative situations, but while I knew about the Law of Attraction, I had my focus on what others were doing to me. I was so stuck on the victim mode and blaming those who I believed were responsible for my situation that I was not making any effort to use my thoughts more wisely.

Until finally it hit me. By that time my life was so bad it was hard to think of anything good. But I began to learn how to release bad thoughts and to replace them with better feeling thoughts. Little by little things started shifting for me. I am sitll working on improving several areas of my life, but life no longer seems like such a struggle and I have gotten good at choosing a better thought when a negative thought pops up from time to time.


Take Aware Action
Society teaches people to work hard and that is how you will get what you want. Keep in mind that those in charge are the ones who preach this in order to keep other people in their place. They do not want competition so they are not going to tell you that the secret to winning the game of life is not necessarily working hard, but taking aware action.

I will give you an example of what I mean by aware action. When I lost my job I spent weeks job searching from 7:00a.m. to 1:00a.m. I was advised by a Human Resources Manager that if I wanted to get a job within a few months I needed to at least send out five hundred resumes a week. I believed her so I worked my butt off to send those resumes out. 

By sending out resumes this way, I was only producing such negative energy which was actually repelling a job. I finally got sick and was no longer able to spend so many hours on job searching.  When I healed, I decreased the time alloted for job searching, but I was still working much harder looking for a job than when I had a job. That is saying a lot because I've worked in many high paced and stressful environments. I finally did get a job, but because of the negative energy I had produced while job searching I attracted a job with the same energy resonance. This job was excessively stressful and the employees were worked ruthlessly hard that I ended up having to quit after only a couple of weeks.

My blood pressure was extremely high, I had headaches, chest pain, back aches and TMJ while I was working at this job. I had to quit because I felt I was having a heart attack every time I went to work. Family and friends thought I was exaggerating and just being a big baby. But when I went to see a doctor he confirmed that my blood pressure was  extremely high and he was amazed that I had not had a full blown heart attack already.

I realized that if I continued working in this environment I would probably drop dead within a few weeks. I thought about the possibility of leaving my son behind and what would happen to him. While I still had no clue what I was going to do for money, I knew that my health was more important. I also finally understood why it was crucial to pay attention to the energy your actions are producing. If you really want something you will attract it, but only with the energy resonance that you have produced by your thoughts, emotions and actions.

If you would like more information on how you can practice aware action and more tips on "The Game of Life", please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com



"You will make real what you believe is real. Life was never meant to be a struggle, and doesn't have to be, now or ever."  - Neale Donald Walsch

The human race has no chance to lift itself  from its own lowest thoughts until you lift yourself to your highest ideas." - Neale Donald Walsch

The Keys to Success

"Why should we be in such a desperate haste to succeed and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away."

                                                    -Henry David Thoreau





There are a few things that have helped me be successful in achieving goals and I will share them with you.

1. Learn to listen to your emotions and release them in a healthy way. When you are experiencing any negative emotion it is difficult to focus on your goals and it is impossible to attract a good outcome. In fact, negative emotions will only magnetize more things that will cause you to experience those bad feelings. However, be realistic and patient with yourself. Having emotions is being human, appropriate in many cases, and also a necessity.
2. Don't compare yourself to others. There will always be someone who is doing better, looking better and has more than you. You can't be number one at everything. You are on a different path than anyone else, and the key is to learn what that path is. Do not let your ego lead you astray. Your ego will tell you that you must get more, do more, be more because you do not measure up to others. However, your spirit will tell you that you are on a different path following a "different drummer." You are number one at one thing for sure. And that is in being you. There is no one else like you in this world. Learn to be the best you that you could be.
3.  Have goals, but don't be so attached to them that you ignore the happiness that every day could bring. Most people are only happy until they reach a goal and to top it off it is only short lived. This is why people who make goals are always looking for what is next as soon as they reach  it. The rush of happiness they get when achieving their goal quickly dissipates. Life seems gloomy and hard when you do not notice every day reasons to be happy. Life is what happens when you are busy making plans.
4. Take baby steps. Many people want to achieve their goals so bad that they try to sprint instead of taking baby steps. But in order to achieve success you have to take baby steps. When we see successful people we assume they became that way overnight. However, that is not the case. Every day they took baby steps to get themselves to where they are today. But people who do not realize this, try to go from point A to point Z without taking all of the baby steps in the middle. Not only is this overwhelming, stressful, and potentially dangerous, but also counterproductive.
5. Be selective as to who you spend your time with. Many success coaches say that we are the equivalent of the five people we spend most of our time with. This makes sense when you consider that when we are with someone we give them some of our energy and take some of theirs in return. As I mentioned on yesterday's article this is called Phase Entanglement. If you spend much of your time with negative people who have no interest in improving their life and rather spend their time blaming external circumstances for what is not working, you will have the same negative energy resonance that they have which will only repel your desires from you.

If you would like more keys to success, please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com. The first session is free, which could be all that you need. Also, I am an expert contributor for www.first30days.com  You will find several of my articles related to this topic under the blog section. I often give advice under the "Talk to Us" section as well.


Look to this day
For yesterday is but a dream,
and tomorrow is only a vision,
But today, well lived,
Makes every yesterday a dream
of happiness
An every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day.

                  - Sanskirt proverb

Emotional Eating

There is more to losing weight than just dieting. If it were then we'd all be thin. There are so many diets to choose from, but if you read my article Popular Diets 8/11/12, you will see that dieting actually has many negative effects.

In my case, I found that when I am contemplating going on a diet I end up eating more before the diet. Like if it were my "Last Supper". While on the diet I develop an obsession with food. But when I am not on a diet, I eat normally.

For emotional eaters, dieting can make things worse. Because of this and for many other reasons, which I have written about in several articles, I now refuse to go on a diet.

These are the steps I take which have helped me reduce my emotional eating even during my most challenging times and as a result I have lost weight in a natural and easy way. No fuss, no risking my health and no spending ridiculous amount of money on diets.

• The first step with emotional eating is to ask yourself if you are really hungry or are you feeling a certain way that is causing you to want to eat something when you are not hungry.
• Be more aware and mindful while eating. I now practice not eating while being distracted such as with the TV or reading something. When you are doing something else while eating, you don't pay attention when you are full and end you up eating more than you should. Plus you don't savor your food and when you are done, you have a feeling of being unsatisfied.
• Learn better ways to soothe and release your emotions. I have written many articles on just how to do that. One of the articles is called Writing to Release Negative Emotions 10/04/12. 
• Stop the negative chatter about your body. I still have some perfectionism in me and I could be somewhat critical about my weight. But I remind myself that I am doing things in a more loving way. This has helped me not to eat when I am not hungry.Before, when I felt bad about how I looked, I use to end up eating more to suppress how I felt. It's silly, but I know many other people who do this as well. You feel bad because you are overweight, but you eat to suppress the feeling which only makes things worse.

I have lost weight following the above guidelines and my relationship with food has changed tremendously. I have learned many methods to process my emotions which do not involve food. But I also realized how different my behavior was in the past when I was around food. I especially saw this when I was at a party with lots of food and I naturally stopped eating once I was full. Normally I'd overeat at parties. I use to think I did this because I just loved food. But now I know it was to soothe my anxiety and insecurities.

If you would like some more tips on losing weight the healthy way, please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com

Emotional Health

When I first took a real look at my life a few years ago, I was filled with regret, remorse, and sadness. For one, it finally hit me how many years I wasted making the same mistakes, being in the same situations, dating the same kind of people, friends with people who were so unlike me, etc.

While I finally came to the realization that I no longer wanted to live that way, I had no idea how to proceed with changing my life. I was so overwhelmed by everything I needed to work on. Every area in my life was a disaster; my emotional health, financial situation, dysfunctional relationships, physical health, and even problems with my son. You name the problem I had it.

As a single mom, with all of the other obligations I had as well, I felt I did not have enough time for working on all of the areas that required my attention. However, I told myself that if I did not start changing my life it would only get worse and I would be forced to change my patterns. Already I was diagnosed with high blood pressure at the age of thirty and put on medication.

What transformed my life was taking baby steps. First on my list was healing my emotions; the deep sadness that would never leave me, severe anxiety and suppressed rage. I recognized that I was avoiding them by being a workaholic and excessive exercising. Later on I used food to numb my emotions which only made my health problems worse. The healing did not come all at once, but by taking small steps, little by little, things started shifting for me.

I recommend that if there is something in your life that you wish to change, and you are serious and committed, start off by taking baby steps. A lot of times when we look at the people who seem to have it all together, we tend to believe that they magically became who they are overnight. But we do not know the daily things they did in order to get to where they are now.

Another thing that I learned during the change process is that if your emotions are not balanced, it is very difficult to change your outer circumstances. I will give you an example from my own life. My relationship with my son was a mess. I was trying to fix it because I knew that once he entered his teens, it would be more difficult. But I was not emotionally healthy so I did not have the energy to repair things between us. In fact, my emotional issues were making me impatient and mean. Not until I finally took the time to center myself and learned to release my negative emotions was I able to focus on improving my relationship with him.

Prior to this, I felt I had no time to be dealing with emotions because I had way too many things going on at the same time that required my attention. However, things weren't getting resolved in other areas I was having challenges with either because of my emotional imbalance. So actually I couldn't afford not to make time for the emotions.

In our society we are taught to ignore our feelings or that emotions are only for silly women. But the truth is, that one of the major reasons that there are addictions is because people try hard to suppress emotions. Some of the emotions people carry since their childhood.

If you would like some assistance releasing emotions please contact me via email carbajalzulma@gmail.com.

　

To Love Yourself Means...

When love flows in our lives, it opens our hearts, our arms, our eyes. We Blossom, like a flower in the Springtime sun. When love is missing, we wither and close, protecting ourselves against the harshness of life. Imagine being full of love that no matter how much you gave, there was always more than enough, and any love you received was just icing on the cake. - Marci Shimoff

Self Love is so important, yet most people do not even know what it means to truly love themselves. Here are some guidelines on what Self Love means:

• You set healthy boundaries. You allow people into your life that are good for you. When you feel self love you do not get involved with dysfunctional people and if by accident you end up with one, you lay down your rules. When it comes to family it is a lot harder, but you can still set boundaries.
• You stand up for yourself. You do not let anyone bully you or make you feel less than.
• You are not co-dependent. Which means you are not so needy that you will do anything and everything to keep love in your life.
• Self-love means that you are not a doormat. You do not respond to people's last minute request. You do not do more than you could do. You make sure your own cup is full before you give.
• You take care of yourself; mind, body, heart and soul. Yes we are all busy, there are others to take care of, time flies, etc. But when you love yourself you make time for yourself a priority.
• You learn to hush the negative self talk. You know the one that tells you things like, you are not good enough, you are too fat, you are not attractive enough, you are not smart enough ,etc. This voice is not coming from your true self. Your true self is very loving and would not put you down in any way.The critical voice was developed because of the things we heard growing up from parents, culture, siblings, family, environment, teachers, classmates, etc. Some people are not even aware they have this voice. However, it could have a very bad impact in your life.
• When you are hurting you seek out wise, compassionate, and understanding people. You don't go to those who make you feel worse.
• You are not satisfied being around people who only pretend to love you. You also listen to your intuition in order to indentify true love from hypocrisy.
• You don't deny your negative feelings. You either either release them by yourself or you talk to someone who could really be there for you and help you let the feelings go. 
• You do not rehash your old pain repeatedly, you know this only hurts you more. You simply heal what comes up as you go through your life journey.
• You love yourself based on who you are within, not based on the superficial and external.

"Once you experience even the palest glimmer of self-love, it becomes increasingly difficult to feel comfortable in relationships where all it exist is the pretense of love."

                                                       - Geneen Roth


"Most important, find a safe outlet to surface your feelings. Airbrush nothing. Take all the time you need to sort them through. Then-and this is critical-move on. To persist in rehashing issues (sometimes for years!) without progress is counterproductive. There still may be some loose ends. That's okay. You can return to them when the right time comes. Many of us get in the enchanted realm of childhood traumas rather than utilize the knowledge we've gained to move forward."

                                                    -Judith Orloff, M.D.

Writing to Release Negative Emotions

"I'd like to address a common misconception: If you're spiritually evolved you wont have emotional conflict. Well, maybe if you reach Nirvana-but not in this world. The earth is not an enlighted planet. Surprised? It's a place where we learn: there is light as well as adversity." -Dr. Judith Orloff 

I still have not met anyone who has reached Nirvana. Although I have done much healing myself, some negative emotions still come up from time to time. This is normal, I am a human being afterall, not a robot. For most of us, in this lifetime we will not get to a place where all we experience is peace and love. We could do what we can to increase peace and love in our life, but don't be disappointed when life experiences bring out negative emotions.

The truth is, there really is no such thing as a bad emotion. Low energy emotions are actually messengers that tell us that something is amiss. The following are things that I have learned because of my emotions.

•  I have learned to practice self care.
•  I have learned to be assertive and not let others take advantage of me.
•  I have learned how to maintain healthy boundaries.
•  I have learned to love, honor and respect myself and to expect nothing less from others.
•  I have sought out new like minded friends.
•  I have made positive changes in many areas of my life.
•  I have healed many childhood wounds.
• I  have learned to stand up for myself when no one else did.

The above are only a few examples. There are so many more, which I have shared in other articles and will continue to share in the future. If we did not have emotions then there really would be no reason for us to do much of anything. For example, if you did not feel sadness at the thought of losing a romantic relationship, then you would not try to make things work. If you did not feel anger at someone who was treating you poorly, you would not stand up to that person and demand justice.  Or if you did not feel anger at not having money to feed your child, you would not have the energy to find ways to make money.

We experience all of the emotions for a reason. The problem comes when we hold on to the emotion for a long period of time. For example, let's say that you are sad because life has been hard. You lost your spouse, job, home, your child is in trouble, etc. If you stay in sadness, you will only sink further into it. You develop feelings of hopelessness and maybe find yourself becoming severely depressed. What needs to happen in order for things to improve is that you allow yourself to feel anger for what has occured and use that energy to make positive changes.

I have often heard from psychologists that sadness is suppressed anger and anger is unexpressed sadness. In my experience, and what I have witnessed from others,  this has certainly been the case on numerous occasions.

When I find myself stuck on an emotion, I change it. One of the ways I do that is by using Dr. John Gray's method. Here is how it works. Below I listed twelve negative emotions. 

1. I am angry
2. I am sad
3. I am afraid
4. I am sorry
5. I am frustrated
6. I am disappointed
7. I am worried
8. I am embarrassed
9. I am jealous
10. I am hurt
11. I am scared
12. I am ashamed

You pick the emotion that you are currently in and write about it. Then you go down four levels.  Let's say that you are experiencing anger. The emotions you would focus on are as follows:


Level One: I am angry
Level Two: I am sad
Level Three: I am afraid
Level Four: I am sorry

Or if you are feeling shame:

Level One: I am ashamed
Level Two: I am angry
Level Three: I am sad
Level Four: I am afraid


Now let me show you an example of how it would look using anger as the main emotion.

Level One:
"I am angry at my current situation. While I know it is just temporary, it still makes me angry to have to be in it at all. I am hoping that I soon see evidence of positive change."

Level Two:
"I am sad that I have to let go of much from my old life in order to leave space for my new life. I wish it were not necessary."

Level Three:
"I am afraid of getting out of my comfort zone. I am afraid to go out and date again. I wish dating was easier."

Level Four:
"I am sorry that things got so bad. I wish I was not such an emotional wreck and would have been more focused on being proactive instead of reactive."

"However, I trust that somehow things will work out. They always do. I am at least doing my part to get there."


Notice that in each level I expressed my wishes, wants and likes. You can stay writing on each level as long as you need to. Then, when you are ready, move one to the next level/emotion. It does not have to be seperated by levels like I did above, you could write in paragraph form. As long as you stay with the same emotion until you are done writing about it, then stating your desires before moving on to the next level/emotion.

Also, notice that at the end of the process I wrote something positive.  Dr. Gray states that this is an important part of the process. He says, "Write your feelings of love, understanding, trust, appreciation, or gratitude."

If you have so many feelings at once and don't know where to start, start anywhere. Also, if you do not feel better after the process go down another four levels. Sometimes it's because we thought we felt one emotion, but it turned out it was something else. Like maybe instead of angry or sad you were really feeling hurt.  You could find more information in Dr. John Gray's books, Mars and Venus Starting Over, or What You Feel You Can Heal.


 I hope that this was helpful. If you need more information, please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com.

"There is a misguided expectation that we are suppose to be happy all the time. Let's set this straight. None of us is immune to the ups and downs of being human. Emotions-all of them- are precious nuts and bolts of the spiritual journey. Heal from the inside out and you can set yourself free. I often work with patients who appear to have everything. Yet many are lost, unhappy. More isn't always better. no matter how many houses you own, or how impressive a bank account, if you're full of self-loathing, even the most exquisite rose can't touch you. We view the world through the lens of how we feel about ourselves." -  Judith Orloff, M.D.

Mother Hen

"Mother Hens have low-self-esteem, either because of a bad breakup or body issues, and they smother potential dates with their well-meaning but completely unsexy motherliness. They're classic enablers who find it easier to focus on others than to think of their own need to take care of everyone else except themselves. Someone who always has to take care of and fix everyone else is often the oldest sibling in her family and probably was a caregiver to the younger children when they were growing up." - Patti Novak


I read a story in Dr. Laura Schlessinger's book called Bad Childhood Good Life, about a woman who was always putting her brother's needs before her own, even after she got married and had her own family. The reason she did this is that she took on the "Mother Hen" role as a child because her parents were not emotionally available to do so. As the oldest she felt responsible to provide care for her younger sibling.

The result was that instead of the brother growing and healing, he blamed her for his bad behavior and problems. He felt "entitled" to get what he wanted from her such as money, room & board, or any other form of assistance even though he was a full grown man and should be doing this for himself. The bigger problem is that Mother Hen accepted the blame and did what she felt she had to do to make up for it even if it meant it will be at the cost of her own health, well being and happiness.

I very often hear similiar stories from my clients or women I just happen to meet. Just the other day a woman from http://first30days.com shared her story in the "Talk To Us" section. My heart went out to her because the challenges she was experiencing are typical of a woman who has taken the Mother Hen role. I completely understand Mother Hens because that has been my role for most of my life. In fact, not until three years ago did I realize how unhealthy my behavior was and I began to make changes. It has not been easy though. I slipped a few times over the years. But I have gotten a whole lot better.

This is what Dr. Laura has to say about to the Mother Hen in her book:

"Janeen, if your brother was 'messed up', let's look at the larger truth. Your father was absent and your mother was busy. He didn't have a parent. You did the best you could, but you were a kid. Kids can't really raise kids...I think you have been in denial also-taking all this responsibility on yourself. No wonder you brought him into your home; it's how you tried to fix the 'bad mothering' you think you did. But that was the past you both shared. You both suffered from the loss of Mommy and Daddy. You denied your childhood angst by burying yourself in your brother and his issues. Your brother denied his childhood angst by blaming you-which fed into your denial...and so it went, around and around."

Until I had challenged her decision to bring her brother into her home during our first conversation, she was like a missile- blindly trying to make up to her brother what she indentified as her "bad mothering" of him, when in fact neither of them wanted to confront the fact that they both were virtually abandoned by both parents. However, Janeen had made a better life choices, was educated, married and a mother. Her brother, jealous, resented all she had, and wanted to hurt his "surrogate mother." Sick. Sad.

These are typical signs which may indicate that you have taken the unhealthy Mother Hen role:

• You are a giver, but do not allow yourself to receive.
• You work hard to provide and give to others even though you are exhausted and depleted.
• You take blame for the feelings or challenges of others, even adults.
• You let others walk all over you. Especially your spouse, siblings, friends and children.
• You have low self-esteem or you base your value on how much you give to others.
• You always sacrifice your needs and well-being because you can't say "no".
• You attract low energy men: Addicts, abusive, selfish, cheaters, dishonest, self centered, etc.
• You help your friends at a moments notice, but when you need their help you just hear the sound of crickets.
• You attract selfish people in general. For example, your boss takes advantage that you never say "no", even when you really need to in order to finally get home at a decent hour and get some much needed rest, so he regularly piles on a bunch of last minute work on you so that he could leave at noon to play golf with the buddies. To top it off you are on salary so you are not even getting paid overtime.
• You are an enabler to your spouse's or boyfriend's addictions.
• You think that it is your fault that he cheats or you take blame for other serious character flaws.
• You do not set healthy boundaries with others, in fact you may not even know what boundaries are.

If you need my support to learn how to stop Mother Hen behavior, please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com


"Even in a serious state of denial, you know you have been hurt and damaged in ways that cause confusion, pain, fear, and even anger. While you may be clear on the big picture of the difficulties you experienced in childhood, the "fine details" may not be so obvious...Those fine details have to do with..fixing everyone and everything to make up for the sense of powerlessness as a child...constantly creating in your adulthood your early bad situations in order to magically fix yesterday, and so forth."

                                                              -Dr. Laura Schlessinger

My Personal Love Lessons

Recently I was thinking about how much romantic relationships have taught me. I had many difficult moments. Sometimes the same scenario repeated itself over and over again. I did not understand that the reason this was happening was that I was not getting the lesson. I even lost my faith in God for a while. But I finally figured out that life was giving me an opportunity to choose again.

The following are my personal life lessons when it comes to romantic relationships. Review your relationship patterns and see if maybe you have the same lessons to learn as I did.

• Prince Charming is not coming to rescue you. The fairy tales, media, movies, magazines, and culture make us believe that without a man we will not be happy and that we can't live a great life until prince Charming comes and rescues us. I got a major wake up call after a series of prince Charmings who turned into frogs. I was forced to take a lot of time alone and finally see that I could lead a happy life without a man. Plus the kind of man that I want to attract is not looking for someone to rescue.
• Assert your needs and feelings no matter what. We are taught as little girls to be pleasing and not make any waves. We are told that we need to give..give...give..give, give...give...give.. and never ask for our needs to be met. So women end up compromising themselves in order to keep a relationship. Many men know that most women are too afraid to leave. Some women cling to a man even when he is emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive.
• Honor, love and respect yourself. Some men are like little boys, they are always testing women to see how far they could go. Unfortunately most women let them go way too far. Low energy men need to be retrained to respect, love and honor women. But for that to happen we need to honor, love and respect ourselves. We teach men how to treat us. Let's start teaching them the right way.
• Your self-esteem is not dependent on anyone or anything. If a man leaves your life it does not mean that you are less of a person. In my experience it has always been a good thing that the person left my life because it led me to be free to meet someone much better. Just make sure you get the lesson and heal first so that you do not get the same type of guy (or the same one) again. You will be hurting your self-esteem thinking there is something wrong with you. It's not you, it's him. You just need to do what you got to do to stop attracting him.
• It is better for you to be alone than to be with someone who treats you poorly. You deserve better than a man who is selfish, abusive, chemically addicted, emotionally unavailable, etc. Or even if he simply does not get how fabulous you are. If a man does not see you as a beautiful goddess and cherishes you as one, then he does not deserve you.
• You can't fit a square peg into a round hole. Sometimes women are much less picky when it comes to men than men are with women. I can't tell you how many men I dated who thought they were God's gift to women. The reason for this is because women act like men are everything. Even when a man has serious character flaws. Or he conflicts with her values, interest, and beliefs. Women still compromise themselves to make things work. Don't do this. Don't compromise on the big things that should not be compromised, you will enventually regret it.
• Trust your intuition no matter what. There are many low energy people out there. They tell you what you want to hear for many self serving reasons. It's not always their intention to mislead you, but they get all caught up in infatuation. Once infatuation is over they can't deliver. So learn to trust your intuition.
• Have your own life. As women we tend to revolve our life around men. We drop everything for men, sometimes even our good friends. Men rarely change their life and schedules so drastically even when they develop feelings for a woman. Be more like a man in that you ensure that you don't give up the things in your life that keep you feeling good about you. Especially do not drop your friends.
• You can't change a man, you could only change yourself. We focus so much on fixing men when they do not want to nor do they think there is anyhing to fix. The worse part is that we are so busy trying to change them that we neglect our own life. So if you are with someone and think that as soon as you can you are changing this and that, forget it. You are wasting time and energy. Just start all over with someone who already has those qualities.
• I recommend that you find someone who wants to grow with you. I recently met a happy couple who has been married for fifty-four years. I asked the husband what was the secret. He told me that when him and his wife were dating for eight months, he asked her to marry him, but only if they both worked on growing together. They are an inspiration to me and many others. I know that their children have followed their footsteps. I met one of their daughters who has been married for many years as well. Someone who does not know them would probably assume they were newlyweds because they are so into each other.

Following Your Dreams

Every time you suppress some parts of yourself or allow others to play you small, you are in essence ignoring the owners manual of your creator and destroying your design. - Oprah Winfrey


It took me many years to understand that material things will never make me happy. At least not long term. Neither would diplomas, credentials and titles. What I have found that keeps me happy (even on the worse days) is following my dreams. Being of service to others has made my life more fulfilling and joyful. Sometimes I am so excited to get to work that I jump out of bed at 5:00 a.m. full of energy. I even want to work weekends.

I believe that most of us want our lives to have meaning. To make a difference in someone else's life. But people get so stuck on the day to day stuff that they do not pursue their dreams. They don't seek help from others either for direction.

I am going to encourage you to follow your dreams and not to let things get in the way of them. Instead of using the Law of Attraction to accumulate more stuff, I suggest you use it to get you closer to your calling. When you pursue something that has meaning to you, all other areas in your life are enhanced. You get along better with family. You are even friendlier with strangers. Your health improves. You meet like minded people. You are also so sparkly that people are instantaneously attracted towards you.

It's interesting that now work seems more like playtime. Even to go to parties I am reluctant to leave my work, that is how much I love it.

You may have success in life, but then ....what kind of life was it? You've never done the thing you wanted to do in all your life. ..go where your body and soul want to go. When you have the feeling, then stay with it, and don't let anyone throw you off.
                                                                                                
                                          - Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth


If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are- if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time.


                                           -Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth



Money is not required to buy one necessity of the soul.
                         
                                               -Henry David Thoreau


The best things in life aren't things.
                                              
                                                -Anonymous