Dating Rocks!

"Dating sucks when you are scaring men away inavertently with your low self-esteem and self-destructive behavior. But dating rocks when  you love yourself first and send out a clear signal to prospective men that you're a special woman who rightly deserves to be recognized, appreciated, and loved." -Steve Nakamoto


If you want dating to rock:

• Work on your self-esteem. Know your worth with or without a man.
• Take care of your needs. Do not expect another person to fix your life.
• Go into a relationship as a whole person ready to give love. Not as a needy, desperate, clingy person.
• Hang out with inspiring, caring and loving friends. People see who your friends are to determine who you are.
• Do not say negative things about other people. It's a turn off to men especially when women put down another woman.
• Heal your emotional baggage. We all have some issues to heal and will not ever be completely done. But if you are a total emotional mess you will be a turn off to men.
• Don't be a people pleaser. Women tend to get carried away in this area, then the men think that these women are auditioning to be a girlfriend or a wife. As a result the men head for the hills.
• Avoid dating the wrong  men with serious character flaws. You are just wasting your time.
• Date men you connect with on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level, not just on a physical level. It may be fun for a while, but a total waste of time.
• Date men who bring out the best of you. Some people just don't get along. I remember once going out on a date with a person whose friends thought he was hilarious. Well for some reason when we met, we just could not stop fighting. About dumb stuff too. We completely clashed.
• Carve out time for dating, but don't jump through hoops. You need to maintain your self-care, health, and keep up with work.
• Take things slow. Do not allow yourself to get prematurily attached. I saw a cartoon in a book once in which a man shows up at the door to pick up his date and she is wearing a wedding dress. It's was funny. But the truth is, some women do jump the gun and spend much time daydreaming about the future instead of paying attention to what is going on in the present.
• Don't fall in love with potential. People rarely change.  
• Avoid dating men who live too far from you. It will eventually be a drain for both of you.

If you would like more "Dating Rocks" tips contact me on Facebook.




"Being desperate, a universal turn off is caused by having too many unfulfilled emotional needs. Love seems to work out best when two parties involved come together as whole people looking to add to each other's lives. This is in contrast with being needy predators looking to latch on to someone. The best strategy for attracting and keeping love is to become emotionally balanced before entering into a new relationship. On the other hand, being an immediate emotional or financial drain on a new relationship partner can cause a quick, unannounced witdrawal."

                                         -Steve Nakamoto

Enchanted Love

Dear God,  I don't wish to be a child anymore. I don't wish to be held back anymore. I don't wish to waste my life. Deliver me to new realms, repair me where I am broken and ready my heart for everything; my life purpose and my life partner.
                                       Thank you ,God
                                       Amen
            
                                     


Enchanted Love is the result of humanity evolving to a place where conditional love and love based solely on physical or external attributes is no longer enough. All over the world people are growing, healing old wounds, and transforming into beings who are seeking Enchanted Love. Many have already found it. Marianne Williamson wrote a book called, Enchanted Love which describes what this special love is. Prior to reading her book, I had an awareness that my spirit was ready for more, but I was not able to put into words what that more was.  The following is how Marianne describes Enchanted Love.

• An Enchanted Love is unconditional. While the lovers are not perfect and make many mistakes, they have peace of mind knowing that their mate will love them unconditionally.
• Enchanted lovers support each others Life Purpose. The reason for this is that God set it up this way so that each have the help and at the same time it is a gift for pursuing their Life Missions. He wants us to have someone, a loving haven, to come back to daily after being out there serving humanity. Or for this person to be by our side while we are doing so.
• Their love is always expanding, never stuck. Echanted lovers do not find themselves losing their passion, and love for each other.  A big reason for this is that they are always growing and learning together.   
• The Echanted Lovers do not just connect at a physical level, but also at an emotional, mental and spiritual level. This is why the love and passion last forever even when the body begins to deteriorate.
• Life for Enchanted Lovers is never boring. Everything in their lives is magical; sex, raising kids, even washing the dishes or mowing the lawn. The reason for this is that they did not come together solely to get married, have children, have regular sex or buy a home. No, Enchanted Lovers know that they miraculously came together for special spiritual reasons and therefore everything they do together has magic in it.
• Echanted Lovers know that they are gifts to each other and they treat each other as such. Even when the lovers have disagreements or issues arise, they recognize that beneath there is a gift for both of them and it is time to find it.
• God brings Enchanted Lovers together so that they could have more of a chance to becoming more of what He intended them to become. Marianne writes that God says to the lovers, "Stop and look at this person. There is something for you to learn here, and something for you to teach."
• Enchanted lovers see marriage "as a feast for love and growth." The lovers come together for loving and expanding reasons, while the rest of humanity comes together for ego based reasons: fear, need or control.
• Enchanted Lovers understand that they could only go so far alone in the healing process. There comes a time when you have done enough inner work on your own and there is a need to be with another to go further. When the Enchanted lovers get together, they know that it does not necessarily mean they are completely healed. Therefore they are alert to situations that bring up issues needed to be healed together.

I have outlined for you what Echanted Love is, but I recommend that you read the book if you wish to learn more about the magic of Enchanted Lovers. If you would like information on how to prepare yourself for Echanted love, please contact me on Facebook. The first session is free.

Note: The prayers were taken out of Marianne's book.


                                        Dear God,
                         Please remove from me my any
                         resistances to love. Make straight
                         my path to the heart of my beloved.
                         Reveal to me the meaning of this
                         ride we are on.
                             Amen


                                      
 

Keep Yourself Good Company

"A willing meantime experience is the experience of those people who walk or run in into the meantime, willing to do the work. The work required to establish a better relationship with yourself. A willing meantime means recognizing that you are not by yourself, but you are with yourself, and you don't mind keeping company with you. Finding somebody, being in love, having a relationship-these are not motivativating factors in your life right now. You are still very much interested in these things, just not right now. Now you want to get you in order."

                                                                  -Iyanla Vanzant


What I have found is that many women jump into relationships as soon as one ends without taking a break to revaluate the previous relationhip. This is a big mistake. When you do not take the time to grieve a relationship and spend some time just being with you, you repeat the same patterns and mistakes you did with last relationship. This is why so many women find themselves attracting the same kind of man over and over.

I understand why women do this. I did it myself in my twenties. I was either in the beginning of a relationship, in a relationhip or ending one. I thought it was just bad luck that I attracted inadequate men, but the real problem was that I had not spent time alone to reflect as to what I was doing and being that was causing me to attract unworthy men.

The biggest reason I did not take a break between relationhips was that I feared that being alone meant I was unworthy or defective in some way. I felt I was no good when I did not have a man in my life because:family, parents, society, childhood programming, friends, etc.,  instilled in me the belief that there was something wrong with a woman if she did not have a man.

I have learned from my earlier mistakes, and now I teach women to learn to love themselves and know their worth whether they are in or out of a relationship. But also to enjoy their own company so that the next time a person who is unworthy of them comes along they are not so quick to get involved with him. 

The time spent in the meantime could be very hard and tempt you to either go back to your ex or accept another mediocre relationship. Even the most emotionally healthy among us are not protected from getting our hearts broken on occasion and experience meantime situations. The difference is that when you have self -love and you love your own company, it is much easier to bounce back. You also do not make the same mistakes again.

In a forum for women that I participate in, there was a gorgeous young lady who was seeking advice on healing her pain caused by a break-up from her unfaithful ex boyfriend.  The pain she demonstrated through her writing moved me to share some beautiful words with her that a wise friend, Vic De Jong,  gave me when I ended a relationship with a man who I had been sure was my  soulmate.  I would like to share his words here again for those of you who have just ended a relationship and going through emotional pain in hopes that it may help.


"If you engage your soul and look within, you will see that you are the same wonderful person you were before you met the fellow. And you can be that same wonderful person, that piece of  Divinity, simply by choosing so. He is not able to take anything away from who you are and it's up to you not to give it away and become who you are not; don't let the experience dictate how you feel about yourself.

A different perspective: This is an opportunity to love those who don't love me and love them anyway. My love is not a commodity to be traded, my love is genuine and freely given. I was given this opportunity to learn how to forgive someone who on the surface, doesn't deserve it, simply because it is who I am. To not forgive is a poison to my well being, so I will forgive and in experiencing this evolve to a higher level of my being from this experience."

                                                                      -Vic


If you need some support through your meantime experience, or assistance in establishing a better relationship with yourself,  please contact me on Facebook. The first session is free. Sometimes all we need is some encouraing words to help start the healing process and to begin enjoying our own company.  In the meantime, remember that no one can take your worth. You are a valuable person whether you are in or out of a relationship. The sooner you realize that, the closer you will be in attracting someone who is able to give you the love that you want and deserve.

Your Love Power

"Above all, a woman's true power source comes from loving herself. I'm sure that a lot of people will quickly say that they love themselves, while in reality they weaken their own power in unintentional and often overlooked ways like negative self-talk. Therefore a more accurate gauge of a woman's true level of self-love is to add up all the good ways she treats herself and subtract away the things she habitually does to diminish her own positive feelings of self-worth."

                                                       - Steve Nakamoto


The following are clues that you are a person who loves herself in a healthy way and therefore  in a position of power to attract love into your life.

1. You like yourself. You may have some things you'd like to improve on, but you know that you are okay regardless if you are able to change those things about you that are less than perfect.
2. You respect yourself and therefore will not tolerate others to disrespect or mistreat you in any way.
3. You like your body and you treat it well with exercise, rest and by eating mainly healthy foods.
4. You say "no" to request that will cause you to neglect your self-care, health and over all well being.
5. You are quick to forgive yourself from past mistakes.You know that you will do better next time.
6. You respect your uniqueness and do not compare yourself to others.
7. You do not give anyone permission to make you feel inferior.
8. You stop the negative self-talk. You recognize that the negative voice was the result of childhood programming and it is time to reprogram your subconscious with the truth.
9. You do not spend time with people who drain you or who are negative. You understand that while you might not be aware of it consciously, unconsciously they are causing you harm.
10. You graciously accept gifts and compliments from others without feeling guilty or the need to reciprocate.
11. You reward yourself when you do well, and you are kind and compassionate with yourself when you do not.

"In order to attract love into your life, the first place to start is by improving the relationship you have with yourself. By doing this, you'll be sending out an unmistakable signal to the universe that you are a woman of incredible value, and any man would be crazy not to love and cherish you."


                                               -Steve Nakamoto

You Are Already Worthy Of Love

"So often in relationships, we want to be all, do all, have all, when we know full well it is impossible. We are trying to prove our love. We are making a desperate attempt to prove we are worthy to be loved. The key here is to surrender every thought, every belief, every idea that leads you to the conclusion that you are unlovable. If you get to the point where you no longer believe you are unlovable, you will instantly become lovable! When you are lovable, you are required  to do nothing. Just be. The path to this realization is detachment. Detach from all the conditions you have placed on yourself. There is nothing you must do. There is nothing you must be. You are all right now. Anything you think you must be, do, or have to make yourself more deserving of love is like the ring in the bathtub-it must be removed!' - Iyanla Vanzant


 I woman I use to know mentioned that she was dating a man she liked, but it was a long distance relationship and it was not working out so well. Then she added that she had nothing to offer anyone at this time anyway. Then I wondered when she would feel she was worthy of love. She had not been in an exclusive relationship for almost fifteen years.Now that I think about it, most of the men she dates do not live locally.

When I first met her, I assumed she was keeping men at a distance (literally) because she was protecting herself from getting hurt again. Another reason I came to this conclusion was because she is severely overweight. I had heard several psychologists and emotional eating experts, such as Geneen Roth,  mention that some women tend to gain weight and keep it on because subconsciously they are protecting themselves from getting hurt. They try all kinds of diets and even see many doctors who prescribe diet pills, but nothing seems to work. It's because their subconscious is sabotaging their efforts.

This may be true in her case as well. But when she made the comment about not having nothing to offer a man, it made me realize that the other reason she was dating inadequate men was that she was not expecting more from a relationship because she did not feel worthy. Before dating men who lived several hours away, she was sleeping with a series of married men. Fortunately she stopped this behavior years ago after many heartbreaks. But then she began to gain the weight.

It could also be that she still feels the shame of sleeping with men who already belonged to another. It could be that she is ashamed of not being able to lose any weight. I do not know this woman closely nor has she asked me for my opinion on this issue. Therefore, often I have to bite my tongue when I hear her make comments about her unworthiness or talks about her mediocre relationships. If she felt comfortable enough to talk to me, I would ask her why she is not expecting more from the men she dates and why she does not feel worthy of dating a man who will adore her and be available. Based on the little I know about her past, she had a hard family life. I have a gut feeling that when she looks at that, she will find her answers as to why she has been holding on to these feelings of unworthiness for almost all her life.

If you find yourself in a similar situation please contact me on Facebook and I will help you find the root cause of feelings of unworthiness. I won't stop there, I will also guide you towards healing in order to attract quality relationships or heal the ones you are already in.

Who Do You Listen To?

 I have heard many success experts and psychiatrists tell people that the best thing to do when going through change or healing is to ensure that you surround yourself with loving and supportive people. Otherwise your change efforts or healing may be sabotaged. For more on this, please see my article called Loving Conspiracy 3/28/12.

My own growth and healing process has taken so long precisely because I did not have the support. The people who I thought I could count only ridiculed me and only made my change efforts more challenging. Fortunately I have found a support group since then and now my change and healing has been rapid.

Below is what Dr. Doreen Virtue, one of my favorite authors has to say about ensuring that you surround yourself with encouraging, loving and positive people.

"In fact, let me encourage you right now to use caution when choosing your companions-whether they be lovers, friends, co-workers, or family members. The people you associate with on a regular basis can have a tremendous positive or negative influence on you. Being arround negative people who are always echoing 'What's the use?' or 'Dream on; we'll never have a good life like those people,' or 'You're always going to be a loser,' has a hypnotic effect. Their negative affirmations prevent your unconscious from believing that you have the right and strenght to succeed.

If you must spend time with negative people - for example family members whom you simply can't avoid at times- keep these interactions to a minimum. Arm yourself with postive affirmations, and slip into the rest room often to review them and renew your positive spirit. If you had to walk into a hospital ward filled with people who had contagious diseases, you'd wear a protective mask and gown, right? It's the same situation here-only with negative thinking.

Your inner self will always guide you in the right direction telling you what to do when faced with  monumental decisions such as divorcing a spouse, or 'divorcing' a negative friend or family member. Spend as much time as you can with your inner voice and vision. If you feel confused or scared, be patient with yourself. The inner voice is clear, but it sometimes speaks quietly, and it's easily drowned out by noise of negative thinking and fear."