You Are Already Worthy Of Love

"So often in relationships, we want to be all, do all, have all, when we know full well it is impossible. We are trying to prove our love. We are making a desperate attempt to prove we are worthy to be loved. The key here is to surrender every thought, every belief, every idea that leads you to the conclusion that you are unlovable. If you get to the point where you no longer believe you are unlovable, you will instantly become lovable! When you are lovable, you are required  to do nothing. Just be. The path to this realization is detachment. Detach from all the conditions you have placed on yourself. There is nothing you must do. There is nothing you must be. You are all right now. Anything you think you must be, do, or have to make yourself more deserving of love is like the ring in the bathtub-it must be removed!' - Iyanla Vanzant


 I woman I use to know mentioned that she was dating a man she liked, but it was a long distance relationship and it was not working out so well. Then she added that she had nothing to offer anyone at this time anyway. Then I wondered when she would feel she was worthy of love. She had not been in an exclusive relationship for almost fifteen years.Now that I think about it, most of the men she dates do not live locally.

When I first met her, I assumed she was keeping men at a distance (literally) because she was protecting herself from getting hurt again. Another reason I came to this conclusion was because she is severely overweight. I had heard several psychologists and emotional eating experts, such as Geneen Roth,  mention that some women tend to gain weight and keep it on because subconsciously they are protecting themselves from getting hurt. They try all kinds of diets and even see many doctors who prescribe diet pills, but nothing seems to work. It's because their subconscious is sabotaging their efforts.

This may be true in her case as well. But when she made the comment about not having nothing to offer a man, it made me realize that the other reason she was dating inadequate men was that she was not expecting more from a relationship because she did not feel worthy. Before dating men who lived several hours away, she was sleeping with a series of married men. Fortunately she stopped this behavior years ago after many heartbreaks. But then she began to gain the weight.

It could also be that she still feels the shame of sleeping with men who already belonged to another. It could be that she is ashamed of not being able to lose any weight. I do not know this woman closely nor has she asked me for my opinion on this issue. Therefore, often I have to bite my tongue when I hear her make comments about her unworthiness or talks about her mediocre relationships. If she felt comfortable enough to talk to me, I would ask her why she is not expecting more from the men she dates and why she does not feel worthy of dating a man who will adore her and be available. Based on the little I know about her past, she had a hard family life. I have a gut feeling that when she looks at that, she will find her answers as to why she has been holding on to these feelings of unworthiness for almost all her life.

If you find yourself in a similar situation please contact me on Facebook and I will help you find the root cause of feelings of unworthiness. I won't stop there, I will also guide you towards healing in order to attract quality relationships or heal the ones you are already in.