Keep Yourself Good Company

"A willing meantime experience is the experience of those people who walk or run in into the meantime, willing to do the work. The work required to establish a better relationship with yourself. A willing meantime means recognizing that you are not by yourself, but you are with yourself, and you don't mind keeping company with you. Finding somebody, being in love, having a relationship-these are not motivativating factors in your life right now. You are still very much interested in these things, just not right now. Now you want to get you in order."

                                                                  -Iyanla Vanzant


What I have found is that many women jump into relationships as soon as one ends without taking a break to revaluate the previous relationhip. This is a big mistake. When you do not take the time to grieve a relationship and spend some time just being with you, you repeat the same patterns and mistakes you did with last relationship. This is why so many women find themselves attracting the same kind of man over and over.

I understand why women do this. I did it myself in my twenties. I was either in the beginning of a relationship, in a relationhip or ending one. I thought it was just bad luck that I attracted inadequate men, but the real problem was that I had not spent time alone to reflect as to what I was doing and being that was causing me to attract unworthy men.

The biggest reason I did not take a break between relationhips was that I feared that being alone meant I was unworthy or defective in some way. I felt I was no good when I did not have a man in my life because:family, parents, society, childhood programming, friends, etc.,  instilled in me the belief that there was something wrong with a woman if she did not have a man.

I have learned from my earlier mistakes, and now I teach women to learn to love themselves and know their worth whether they are in or out of a relationship. But also to enjoy their own company so that the next time a person who is unworthy of them comes along they are not so quick to get involved with him. 

The time spent in the meantime could be very hard and tempt you to either go back to your ex or accept another mediocre relationship. Even the most emotionally healthy among us are not protected from getting our hearts broken on occasion and experience meantime situations. The difference is that when you have self -love and you love your own company, it is much easier to bounce back. You also do not make the same mistakes again.

In a forum for women that I participate in, there was a gorgeous young lady who was seeking advice on healing her pain caused by a break-up from her unfaithful ex boyfriend.  The pain she demonstrated through her writing moved me to share some beautiful words with her that a wise friend, Vic De Jong,  gave me when I ended a relationship with a man who I had been sure was my  soulmate.  I would like to share his words here again for those of you who have just ended a relationship and going through emotional pain in hopes that it may help.


"If you engage your soul and look within, you will see that you are the same wonderful person you were before you met the fellow. And you can be that same wonderful person, that piece of  Divinity, simply by choosing so. He is not able to take anything away from who you are and it's up to you not to give it away and become who you are not; don't let the experience dictate how you feel about yourself.

A different perspective: This is an opportunity to love those who don't love me and love them anyway. My love is not a commodity to be traded, my love is genuine and freely given. I was given this opportunity to learn how to forgive someone who on the surface, doesn't deserve it, simply because it is who I am. To not forgive is a poison to my well being, so I will forgive and in experiencing this evolve to a higher level of my being from this experience."

                                                                      -Vic


If you need some support through your meantime experience, or assistance in establishing a better relationship with yourself,  please contact me on Facebook. The first session is free. Sometimes all we need is some encouraing words to help start the healing process and to begin enjoying our own company.  In the meantime, remember that no one can take your worth. You are a valuable person whether you are in or out of a relationship. The sooner you realize that, the closer you will be in attracting someone who is able to give you the love that you want and deserve.