Romantic Relationship Lessons

I spent many years thinking that I had bad luck when it came to relationships. Upon reflection, I have realized that a big part of the reason I believed this was because my mother would tell me frequently that I had the same luck she had with men. I do not blame my mother, she did not know any better.

What I finally discovered was that attracting dysfunctional or unhealthy people had nothing to do with luck, but many other factors. I am glad I understand this now because prior to knowing this I had a feeling of hopelessness and spent years of my life with a closed heart and not dating at all. I made the excuse that I was too busy to date. But in reality, I was avoiding finding out what was going on in the inside.  If you have negative results when it comes to relationships see if any of the following applies to you.

• You will attract people with the same spiritual, psychological, physiological, and emotional resonance.
• You carry in your system certain tendencies from childhood and you will attract people who will make you relive scenarios from your first family. We do not usually do it consciously. Example, you may be attracted to someone and that person may seem perfect at first, but after some time of dating you find out he is not emotionally available just like your father.
• Life is a classroom and there are people that come into our lives because they will teach us what we have to learn. If we do not get the lesson the first time, the same type of person will come into our life until we do.
• Sometimes people come into our lives because there is something we are meant to do with that person. Such as have a child together. Or maybe build a business.
• Relationships are meant for healing and growth. Once you have grown and healed as much as you could in the relationship, it will then deteriorate. But until then, you will have a need to be together.
• Your beliefs, thoughts, and attitudes attract a certain type of person into your life.
• If you self-esteem and self-love is not healthy you will attract people that will make you feel worse.
• Certain relationships are stepping stones to "the one". The person you are meant to be with has his share of stepping stones. You will meet once you are both ready.

You may now know what areas you need to work on in order to attract true love. If you don't do the work, you will  keep repeating the same romantic scenarios over and over. Remember it has nothing to do with luck. It has to do with attracting into your life someone who resonates with who you really are in the inside. You can't fool the Law of Attraction.

The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem

Happiness

"Success is how you collect your minutes. You spend millions of minutes to reach one triumph, one moment, then you spend maybe a thousand minutes enjoying it. If you were unhappy through those millions of minutes, what good are the thousands of minutes of triumpth? It doesn't equate. Life is made of small pleasures. Good eye contact over the breakfast table with your spouse. Happiness is made of tiny successes." - Norman Neale


I use to be like most everyone else and postpone my happiness until I reached a goal or acquired something like more money. But now that I am getting older I realize how many precious moments were wasted. There always seemed to be a reason why I couldn't do something that would bring me real joy. Usually the reason involved something to do with work or school. I was either too tired, too busy, too stressed, etc.

But in recent years, and especially this year, I have been asking myself, "If not now when?" I have approached midlife and while I have achieved several of the things on my goal list, I noticed that the most important things and people in my life were neglected because of it.

I don't have regrets, but now I am choosing to do things differently. While I still have much to do just like many people do, I have learned to put my happiness and what brings me joy on top of the list of things to do. What does it matter what I achieve if it is only going to bring me temporary joy. Sacrificing the little things that make me truly happy is not worth it.

Today I was thinking about this a lot. Normally I have been too busy to have my son's friends over. He goes to their homes plenty, but usually I am the busy parent who never seems to have time to have the kids over.  But today I said,  "Screw it.  If there is not one reason it's another why they can't come over. Tell them to come over today after school."

This simple decision has not only brought me so much joy, but I can't even begin to tell you how happy the boys are, especially my son. When I hear them laughing, joking and playing with the dog it fills my heart with warm fuzzy feelings.  I was looking back at all those times in the past when I would tell my son I was too stressed out to have people over or the times I did have his friends over, but I was so overwhelmed with stuff I was not really present. I am so glad I do not do that anymore.

No matter how busy I am, I have learned to dedicate time during the week to spend with my son. He is the most important person in my life and when my time comes to pass on, I want to make sure he knows that.  And that he is filled with joyous memories of our time together.

I also make time for me now. This is new. I never seemed to have time for me before. But somehow I always had time for everyone else. This "me" time is so precious and I feel deprived when I don't get at least a few moments to do something that brings me joy. The things that bring me joy do not cost a thing and most do not take much time at all. So there really is no excuse to postpone my happiness until I reach my goals.




"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."

                                                                    - The Cockle Bur

"Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling."
                                                   
                                                                   - Margaret Lee Runbeck


"It's not easy to find happiness within ourselves and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
 
                                                                    -Agnes Repplier

Are You Struggling?

Often we struggle so that we can experience what we are meant to experience here, learn from the challenge, and then teach others to do the same. A Course In Miracles teaches that the challenges that we experience are so that we can speak the language of those in pain in order to assist, support, and teach them to heal and transform their life. Without the challenges we would not know the language and would not be of much help to those in need.

While I would have prefered not to have struggled in my life and I would have liked to have had a better childhood, I could see how my past experiences have been useful to teach others. If I had the perfect life, I could not be doing what I do now to help others heal and grow. Even knowing the truth about life and sharing with others does not help those who are not ready to hear it at this time.

Let's say I had a client who was going through a difficult divorce. Imagine if after she had tearfully explained her painful experience I would have told her, "Forget about it, it's only an illusion. There is no pain." How would I have helped this client with telling her the truth? Actually I probably would have made things worse.

Because of my own past pain, illusion or not, I am able to better help others through their difficult experiences. I've had friends and some family members who seem to be living a charmed life and their childhood was all happy and fun. When I had gone to these people in the past for support, they just did not get it. They were not able to help at all. I would indeed feel worse than before I spoke to them.

In her book When Food Is Love, Geneen Roth wrote that her husband had the perfect childhood. His mother was so nurturing, attentive and loving she even made him shoes. No surprise he turned out to be a happy go lucky guy. When Geneen would have an emotional problem that was connected to a painful event in her childhood, he tried to understand, but just didn't. In fact, on one occasion he asked her, "Did it ever occur to you that your fascination with the dark side is not particularly healthy?" Geneen replied, "If I am fascinated with the dark side, as you call it, that's because the dark side has had so much power in my life. It's what I haven't recognized and felt that has dictated so many of my feelings about myself and my work and relationships. The more I move the dark side into consciousness, the less pull it has on me. I don't like mucking around in pain, but I'm willing to do it because it's the only way I know to become whole. And who knows what would happen then? Perhaps I would become the kind of person who would make my children shoes."

I don't agree with rehashing old pain to no end. But the pain does need to come out in order to heal it and release it. When we suppress or hold on to pain it creates havoc in our minds, bodies and life. Sometimes in order to heal for good you need support from a person who can understand what you are going through, but who is also able to teach you how to heal and release it for good.

If you would like support please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com. The first session is free.

I Know The Truth But Don't Believe It

"I know the truth, but I don't believe it" was said by Helen Shucman,  author of A Course In Miracles. A couple of days ago, I got together with my new wise friends and we watched a movie about Helen and how A Course In Miracles came into being. It was a long movie, about three hours, but I felt as though what was said in the movie was directed at me and I was mesmerized the whole time.

It is strange but I know what Helen meant about knowing the truth, but not believing it. My ego is still trying to hold on to my past life story. My ego is reminding me of all of the hurts and pain caused by others ever since I was a child.

But the truth is, that none of it really happened. Our life on Earth is an illusion. If you have seen the movie The Matrix you will understand what I am talking about. While the movie is fictional, there is truth in it. The truth is that we create our world and it is really a dream, an illusion. Ofcourse it does not feel that this is so when you are in the middle of  a serious challenge. But it is the truth.

This is why I say that I understand what Helen meant. I know the truth. I've known it from as far as I could remember. Yet there have been many times that I reacted as though I did not know. I actually remember times when I was a child and spent a lot of time observing others, especially my parents, and wondered why they reacted in such negative ways. I then figured that this is the way you did things on Earth. So I began practicing acting like my parents did. I became especially skillful at emulating my mother. Now it seems weird that I did that. It was almost as though I was trying to get into character for a movie and was carefully trying to copy the real person the movie was going to be about.

I knew it was silly and not real, but I did it anyway. Then as time went by I forgot that it was not real. I had even forgotten about the times I watched my parents behave in negative ways and copied them knowing it was silly.  I remembered when I started reading psychiatry texts and other books explaining how we develop our beliefs, behaviors, attitudes, reactions, etc.  It is strange for me to actually remember the process of emulating my parents to learn how to be a people.

Now the challenge for me and many others is to unlearn what we learned and to remember the truth. My journey has not been easy, I often slip.  But surrounding myself with my new friends is helping me believe what I know is the truth.

Harvest Time

In the past couple of weeks I've had a knowing within telling me it was time to clear out the old to welcome the new. This is the reason some funky stuff I thought I had healed resurfaced. Now I understand that I need to truly heal and release what is keeping me from my highest good. As I mentioned in my previous article, I often get a knowingness that I need to do something or I am contemplating an idea or an insight and all of a sudden I get an outside source to comfirm that my intuition was correct.

Since last week, I received at least five messages from outside sources stating that Autumn is the time of clearing the old that no longer works or is dead in order to plant new seeds. This is the season in which many things will come up to be healed, but also a time when the energy of transformation is the most powerful.

I will share with you the steps that I am taking in order to benefit the most from this time of harvest.This way when the Spring comes, the seeds will grow and then they will bloom.

• I am letting go of old reactions, beliefs, relationships, that are keeping me stuck in old patterns.
• I am replacing my old ways of thinking and doing things with things that have been proven by many successful people to work.
• I am reminding myself that I need to replace the old with the new quickly, otherwise the old will come back to haunt me again.
• I am taking Aware action towards my goals and desires. No more busy work or doing things because someone says I should or that my childhood programming and false beliefs tell me I should.
• I am getting out of my comfort zone instead of allowing old and false fears manipulate me into not going for what I want.
• I am developing a support team of spiritual high energy people who will support me through this time of growth and healing and who will guide me back to my truth when I start going astray.
• I am balancing my yin and yang energies so that I do not begin my workaholic tendencies and forget about my health and well being.
• I am doing as much as I could get done throughout the day, then I am allowing and trusting God to take care of the rest. Regardless of the ignorant beliefs of others that I should be doing more.
• I am practicing balance in all areas of my life. No more spending endless time working and having no social life. 
• I am letting go of the tendency of getting stuck in a role. Such as the caretaking role. I will remind myself that I am a multidimentional person and I will behave as such.
• I am letting go of expectations I have of other people, who will never be a positive influence in my life, in order to avoid getting hurt or disappointed repeatedly for the same reasons.
• I am protecting my energy from energy drainers and negative circumstances because I know that by doing so I will maintain being my happy self and therefore manifest my desires.
• I am staying connected to God so that I could better hear His guidance and so that I have the energy for growth, healing, and transformation.
• I am reminding myself that there will be some time of darkness, but it is okay. If I continue to practice the above steps, everything will work-out fine.       

If you would also like to get the most out of this season and could use some positive support, please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com.  Regardless if you contact me or not,  use  this powerful energy of transformation wisely so that you can receive the fruits of your labor in the Spring.

We All Have Faith

"I had lost religion...but discovered spirituality."

                            -David Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D.
 


This past Sunday I went to a new church.  Prior to this, the last time I deliberately chose to go to a church was fifteen years ago.  I did go to church two years ago when my father passed away, just to pay my respects to family solely because that is what my dad would have wanted, even though I did not want to be there. I do not believe many of the things my family's church teaches so I stay away.

I have done much learning and healing in my life to realize how ignorant and sometimes even dangerous to humanity religion could be.  But this Sunday I found my people. It amazed me how many of the topics that I write about in this blog were covered during the service. I would like to share with you some of the things Reverend Ray shared with us.

Perception
What you perceive will be your experience. As I have mentioned in many of my articles our perception was developed as a child. However, children are not able to analyze and determine whether what they are experiencing, hearing, and seeing is the truth. All they know is that in order to survive they need to emulate their parents as much as possible.

As we grow older many of us realize that their way (meaning our primary caretakers) was very ignorant, dysfunctional and a lie. However, there are core beliefs that remain with us at an unconscious level. For example, let's say that as a child one or both of your parents told you that your value was determined on how selfless you were even if it meant sacrificing your own well being. When you get older you will have a hard time saying "no" to others even when you really want to. But you are afraid that they will perceive you as unworthy and selfish. When you do sum up the courage to say "no",  your experience will be that the people you come across will consider you to be unworthy and selfish because you are not doing what they think you should be doing.

This experience will only change when you change your perception. I finally understood this concept recently when I was being judged by others within my family and by a couple of my friends. I had been spending extensive time with my critical mother and subconsciously I was absorbing her views even though consciously I know they are distorted.  Because part of me still held the perception that her negative opinion of me may be right, the day after she left I began to experience the same negativity and criticism from people I normally get along with and who are usually very supportive of me.
 
Rev. Ray reminded everyone that when someone judges you or criticises you it is their perception and not the truth. But also that your perception can keep you experiencing the same negative circumstances unless you remind yourself  that your perception needs to be altered in order to experience something different.

We All Have Faith
Ray declared that everyone has faith. The problem is that we have faith in the wrong things. Some of us have faith that we will never get a job or life partner. Or that we will get sick like our parents.  We may have faith in positive things, but it is very little faith. Maybe you do believe you will find your life partner, but a bigger part of you believes that you wont.

You need to do what you have to do to increase your faith in the good and positive. Stay away from negative people and situations as much as possible. Find people whose faith is strong in what is good and real. Some of us were raised in extremely religious ways, however we were never shown to have true faith and to maintain a relationship with God even when it is not a Sunday. Instead we were taught to fear God and consider ourselves unworthy of His blessings. This is a distortion of the truth. Many of us are just now learning how to fully believe and trust in God.  It has been a challenge because of the negative wedged in beliefs of our past.

Feed Yourself Spiritual Food Regularly
It is crucial that we all do this because we are experiencing a time of great change. We need to feel connected to God in order to reduce the stress and fear that this transition is going to bring up to the surface.  We are surrounded by ignorant and negative people and in order to protect ourselves from these low energy people we need to keep ourselves plugged in to God. Ofcourse God is always with us. We just forget when we get caught up with the heavyness of life. But if we regularly feed ourselves with spiritual food we wont be so affected by the negative things in life.

Follow Your Inner Guidance and Take Action
We all have the answers within. No need to buy another book, product, seminar, etc. Ray said we don't even have to go to church to get answers. It is good to seek out outside sources and attend church for support during these hard times. But remember that most of what you learn from others is not really learning. Outside sources are more like reminders of the truth. If the information from others resonates with your heart and soul then it is your truth.

In my own experience, when I am contemplating a thought, insight or idea, I suddenly get the information from an outside source. At first this freaked me out. But now it no longer surprises me. In fact,  this is exactly what happened during the service on Sunday. I was reminded of what I already knew. Sometimes we do need these reminders, don't we? Many people do not take action because they do not know what the end result will be and they are afraid of not knowing. But is  important to take action. If you keep getting gentle nudges to do something or go somewhere, you do it. I have not always gotten the results I thought I would get when I followed my intuition, but I am learning to trust that whatever the reason was, it was for my greater good.

 I have learned that God does not normally tell us the whole reason and the results of following a certain path. We are guided in little steps. Once you are done with one step, you are given another step, and so on. Don't do anything crazy though until you learn to determine if it is God speaking to you or your ego. Most people can not tell the difference between the two. I made many serious mistakes thinking I was hearing God when it was actually just my ego.


I will probably write some more in the future about Rev. Ray and about the new friends I made on Sunday. I have a strong feeling that many of you will find their insight and wisdom beneficial which will serve as reminders of your own truth.

If you would like more information on this article, please email me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com. You can also visit the the church site at http://www.unityriverside.org

In Between Boyfriends

Sometimes at the end of a break-up we feel as though we failed. Even when the relationship was not very healthy to begin with. I want you to know that you did not fail. There was a reason why you were in the relationship even if that reason is not apparent to you at this time. But also, there is a reason why it ended. Don't blame yourself for the end of the relationship instead consider that it was meant to end and start thinking about the lessons learned while in the relationship so that you do not repeat the same mistakes again.

Before you get into another relationship take some time off to be by yourself. My experience, and those of many women that I have met, is that if you do not take this time off you will repeat the same relationship with someone different (or it could be with the same person) and you would be wasting your precious years with someone unworthy of you.

The first things to do after a break-up are:

1.Heal your loss. Do not do it alone though. Ask a loving friend to be your break up buddy. If you can't get over a loss and you are severely depressed consider hiring a therapist if you need to. Make sure to check a few out first to see which one you feel the most comfortable with and will help you move forward not keep you rehashing old pain for a long period of time.
2.Spend time focusing on you and what you want.When we are in a relationship most of us neglect ourselves.We forget to do all of the great things that we use to do for ourselves when we were single.
3.Work on your self-esteem. Oftentimes after a break-up we feel very low. The key to getting  back into the dating world and possibly meeting someone who does deserve you is to do things that improve your self-esteem.
4. Have fun and enjoy your life with or without a relationship. If you start dating again and your date ask you what you do for fun what are you going to say? "I sit at home, eat and think about my ex". Most importantly if you love your life and you meet someone who is unworthy you will not be willing to waste your time with that person.
5. Laugh. Not only is laughter the best medicine, but it is also very attractive. Look for funny videos and books. Spend time with friends who make you feel good about yourself.


" And remember, the best way to be a we is to don't lose your me". - Cindy Chupack, author of In Between Boyfriends and writer for Sex in The City.

You Create Your Life

Those of you who understand the basics of how the Law of Attraction works, know that you create your life with your thoughts and emotions. However, you may not know that your subconscious and your soul also have a significant say on what will be created in your life.

In fact, your subconscious and soul are so powerful in the creation process that no matter how hard you work at consciously creating your desires, if your desires do not resonate with either your subconscious or soul then you will not attract what you desire.


The Subconscious Mind

The subconscious could be changed so that you attract your desires, but it will take some conscious and determined work on your part. However, it is absolutely necessary that you do change it especially if you are finding yourself attracting the same negative circumstances repeatedly. Your subconscious went through programming from the day you were born until the age of seven. Between this time you learned how to be a "people". You were also dependent on the love of your parents in order to get your basic needs met. So your little mind decided that the best way to win and keep the love would be to emulate your parents. You concluded that the more you were like them the more they would love you.

For those of you who insist that you are nothing like your parents, there are some beliefs that remain in your subconscious which are sabotaging the accomplishment of your desires. For example, let's say that your parents constantly fought over money. Your father worked hard to earn a living and your mother spent it on useless things.  You might have a subconscious belief that money repels love and causes people to fight. If you maintain this belief then you will have a hard time attracting money. Consciously you are aware of the necessecity of money in our world, but subconsciouly you keep it away because you do not want to lose love or fight for money.

Another example, your parents had a dysfunctional marriage. Even though they would say everything is fine not to worry, you witnessed many fights. Even if you didn't, you saw your mother crying all the time and talking to her friends and family about how much she suffers being married to your father. Your subconsious collected this data in a file called "Women Suffer When Married" by the age of seven.  Maybe when you got older you discovered that your mother was not all there and has a tendency to be overly dramatic. Her favorite role to play is the "victim" when in fact she is bully.

While you are consciously aware of this and realize how ridiculous your mother behaved,  when the time comes to meet your mate you attract people you could not possibly be with long term. You figure it is just bad luck or that there are just no good men out there anymore. When in reality what is happenning is that your subconscious fears based on what you gathered by the age of seven is what is keeping you from attracting a suitable partner. Your child mind was not able to determine that your mother was a bit loony and exaggerated the woes of her married life in order to get attention. Even though as you got older you figured it out, your subconscious kept your childhood beliefs on file.

The other thing that may happen is that you may indeed get married. Perhaps even to a good person. But because you still have the subconscious file  "Women Suffer In Marriage" you find yourself having an unhappy marriage as well. This is because your subconscious brought you what you truly believed.

Take a look at what is happening around you. This will be a clue of your subconsious beliefs.  What you do not like in your life is a clue of what needs to be healed and changed. I read Dr. Wayne Dyer's new book called Wishes Fulfilled,  and he says that what we create is determined 96% by our subconscious and 4 percent by our conscious. No surprise people who know about the Law of Attraction, but are not getting the desired results, believe that the LOA does not exist.   If they believe it does, they assume it just does not work for them.


 The Power Of Your Soul

Your soul is even more powerful than your subconscious. Your soul could guide and help you override your subconscious beliefs. However, you need to listen to the guidance. It will not intrude on your free will to continue to live in misery. Your soul also helps you learn certain lessons so if what you are wishing to attract will keep you away from learning a big important lesson, you will not attract it. If it wont interfere with a big lesson and your desire may actually benefit you, then you will get the soul's assistance.

If the lesson is a minor one, you could still gain the cooperation and help of your soul. Let me explain. You are here to learn huge lessons and little lessons. Before you were born, you chose your Life course. Much like you would pick classes in college, you pick your classes in life. Just like in college some classes are required in order to pass the course. Others are not so important and you can take them or leave them. You may also substitute one class for another in certain cases.

Your ego and personality have little say when it comes to the big life classes. Your soul might allow you to have your ego ways for a while as long as it does not interfere with your life purpose. However, if you are in danger of going off the path, your soul will find a way to guide you back. If you do not listen when the soul gives you gentle nudges and clues that you have gone too far away from what you are meant to do here, it will create something that will be impossible for you to ignore. It could be an illness, job loss, divorce, etc. Please know that it is not done in any way to punish you. Your soul is just doing it's job. Your soul is saying, "Friend, you are going the wrong way, you will never accomplish what you are here to do if you go that way.Turn back..quick." If you ignore the warnings your soul will then say, "Friend you have gone too far, let me help you get back on the path."

Ofcourse if you are dealing with extreme challenges it is understandably hard for you to see how these challenges could possibly be good for you. But what you have to remember is that our ego personality thinks differently than how our soul thinks. The ego looks at the material and superficial. The soul looks deeper and the focus is on the big picture.

So as you see it is not that the LOA does not work. What is actually happening is that you need to take into account childhood subconscious programming and the possibility that your ego desires will not serve your life purpose and the grand scheme of things.


If you would like more information on this article please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com

To Manifest, Self Love First

"The shift in perception happens not by changing who you are but by seeing who you are and shining it forth. If you were able to exhibit the full grandeur of your being, your whole life would be a romance, one long love story dedicated to ecstasy and joy." -Deepak Chopra


In many of my articles I have written about the importance of self-eteem and self-love. In this article I will compile the reasons why self-esteem and self-love are so important.

When you truly love yourself:

• You go after your dreams. You honor what your higher self desires.
• You do not allow family or friends to make you feel bad.
• You attract romantic partners who love you like you love yourself.
• You are not codependent or humiliate yourself in order to get the approval or love of others.
• You never over give sacrificing your own well being, especially when you are not getting anything in return from others.
• You spend time with people who honor you and support you.
• You avoid spending time with superficial, selfish, self centered people.
• You don't use food, drugs or alcohol to slowly kill yourself.
• You take care of your physical health as much as you can.
• You do not give in to the ego centered demands and the ego expectations of others.
• You treat yourself as though you would treat your best friend or a lover, if not better.

The above points are mostly for those who find themselves giving a whole lot to others and never seem to get anything back but criticism and bad treatment.  What I have learned is that in order to manifest the best of the best, you have to love yourself first and have a healthy self-esteem. For more information see my article Self-Esteem and The Law of Attaction 8/17/12.

This past weekend I spent some time listening to expert manifestors and I found it coincidental that the five speakers said that you need to love yourself first in order to manifest what you desire. Keep in mind that these speakers are rich if not millionaires. They coach people on how to become rich themselves. An expert said that one of her clients is a billionaire. Another expert mentioned that he is known as the self-growth coach who produces the most millionaires than any other coach out there. He sure charges a hefty fee and thousands of people from all over the world buy his products. So he must be good. Anyway, the one thing the expert manifestors had in common was that they all said that the key to manifesting money, a healthy life partner, and good experiences was to love and honor yourself first. 

However, I have said it the past and I will say it again. While self-love is good, being conceited, selfish and self centered is not. These behaviors and attitudes come from the ego. While authentic self-love comes from spirit and in knowing the truth of your eternal being.




"To love oneself is the beginning to a lifelong romance."
                                                           -Oscar Wilde

"I celebrate myself, I sing myself." - Walt Whitman

I will be putting out a book on self-love on 2/1/13. If you would like a sneak peak of my book please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com

Spiritual Beings Having a Physical Experience

"We are not physical beings having a spiritual experience, rather, we are spiritual beings having a physical experience." - Teilhard de Chardin

I have come to a point in my life where I started to see every experience as something to learn from. In my twenties and early thirties my life revolved on externals. I tried hard to achieve and be somebody. I was chasing after things and people because I believed they would bring me happiness. However, chasing after externals that where not aligned with my spirit only brought be unhappiness.I was not aware of it though.

I kept doing what everyone else was doing. I did not know any better until the rug was pulled out from under me and I was forced to see what I was doing and why. When I got to the point where I had nothing external I finally had the opportunity to be with myself and discover what brings me real joy. Part of it is being of service to others, sharing my knowledge and wisdom.

The other part is that I stopped seeing life circumstances as good or bad. I began seeing them as a lesson or a course in Earth school. Instead of being a victim I saw things as the next challenge my spirit was ready for. Everything then had a new meaning and an opportunity for growth.

This does not mean that my life is easy. But it is definitely more meaningful and joyful. I see other people as fellow students in Earth school. Just as I loved to assist my classmates in college when a lesson was difficult, I love to assist Earth school students. I also seek out help from other Earth students who are more knowlegeable and wiser in the areas I still struggle with. I believe that this is a big part of the reason why we are here. Learn our most challenging lessons and once we heal and master them, we teach others to do the same.

It has become so much easier to remember now that I am "a spiritual being having a spiritual experience" rather than physical being with occasional spiritual experiences. Even when having nothing at all, this realization has brought me so much joy that money, titles, relationships, never brought me. Just knowing that I am so much more than my physical body or what I have, or don't have, has made my life so rich and fulfilling.


Namaste (Translation: "The Divine in me recognizes the Divine in you.")

Help Create a Smooth Shift

There are many huge shifts going on around the world right now. Especially recently. What is happening is that what no longer works is breaking down. While there are many people who will be stuck in fear and experience the worse end of it, there are many others who will not notice the shift because they are aligned with the energies of trust and love.

Admittingly, it is not easy to be aligned with trust and love when you are going through extreme challenges, but that is what is going to take to go through this transition smoothly.  What will also help is that you share my blog and other sites like this that tell the truth and not focus on the illusions of scarcity, doom, and gloom.

As I have mentioned in other articles, by keeping yourself aligned with love and trust you get others to do the same. Even just with your presence. But also since you will be vibrating at such high energy you will be able to help others in many other ways; financially, emotionally, physically, etc. You don't help anyone by focusing on your troubles or theirs. I put together the following guidelines to help you stay out of low energy frequencies and create a smooth shift towards evolution.

Keep Yourself At Peace:
1. To break negative patterns and to be able to handle challenges in a more peaceful centered way try meditation. You don't have to do it for a long period of time or at a certain time. If you can do it throughout the the day in between your activities you will see a difference in your energy and you will handle your situations better. Just close your eyes and listen to your breath for at least two minutes.

2.Go for a walk once a day preferably in a park or somewhere away from street cars and loud noise. Ofcourse you can do it at home too if you have a treadmill and it will be more convenient for you. Listen to inspiring music or music that helps you relax while you walk. When you walk feel good chemicals are released into your body from the brain which help you handle life in a more positive and peaceful state.

3.Don't let yourself get involved in negative conversations or news. Especially if you already suffer from anxiety and have extreme fears.  This might mean you will have to stop spending time with energy drainers or at least reduce the time spent with them. It will also be necessary to stop watching shows on TV that make you experience low emotions.

 Pay Attention to Your Thoughts
1. Don't let your thoughts run wild. In order to create a better experience you have to take better control of your thoughts. Ofcourse it is impossible to know what you are thinking every moment of the day, but you can tell if you are thinking negative thoughts or positive thoughts based on your emotions.

2.So that your mind is "occupied" with thoughts that will serve you and therefore not allow thoughts that are keeping you stuck, practice affirmation saturation.  Some people say affirmations do not work. But in my experience they have worked at the very least to keep me away from thinking about the doom and gloom and instead on what I want to create. Also, I learned from the Law of Attraction experts that affirmations help change your subconscious so that instead of bringing you what you don't want you begin attracting what you do want. If you have read some of my other articles you know that your subconscious was programmed as a child. If your caretakers were stuck in a scarcity mentality, feared God or had negative beliefs about the opposite sex, even if you consciously know they are ignorant beliefs, your subconscious will continue to bring you evidence of what was programmed when you were a child until you change the programming.

3. Practice gratitude. Practicing gratitude keeps you focused on what you do have and on what is working in your life instead of what is missing and not working. I have to tell you that if you have shelter, running water, clean water to drink and food, you are doing much better that most people around the world. Even here in America there are families with young children who are getting their utilities shut off for not having enough money to pay their bills.  Yet the people that most complain are those who are living comfortably.

If you would like more information on this article or would like to get a copy of my Law of Attraction ebook coming out in November, please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com. I also give phone and email sessions depending on your preference. The first session is free which may be all that you need.

Using the Law of Attraction, but Not Getting What You Want?

The Law of Attraction has caused confusion to so many people. They wonder if they are doing something wrong because they have been following the steps of asking for what they want, infusing it with emotion and then allowing themselves to receive. Yet nothing happens, or they get something worse. The following may be the reasons behind not getting what you want.

• You may be thinking consciously of what you want, but your subconscious does not believe it could happen. For esample: You ask for a loving, committed, joyful relationship. But your subconscious says, "Yeah right, that will never happen. If those gorgeous women on television can't keep their men, how could I?"
• You have not healed your emotions. For example: You are using the Law of Attraction to attract a boyfriend and you end up getting an angry lunatic. Or you ask for a job and you get it, but you are surrounded my angry, bitter coworkers. If you keep coming across angry people spend some time healing your anger first. As you are "within" is what you will produce "without". These two examples, the angry boyfriend and angry work environment, happened to me. In fact, they were the catalyst for me to realize I had some suppressed rage and my subconscious was attracting people and circumstances that matched. Once I spent time healing this, I felt so much lighter. So far, since then things have been pretty peaceful.
• Life lessons. There are no accidents in life. Every single thing that happens to us is for a reason. Including your birth family. You were born for a reason, there are no mistakes in life. And some of the things that happen in life occur to steer us back to our path. We my inisist on manifesting one thing, when our soul is telling us it is time to let it go and pursue our life purpose instead.
• Timing is not right. Sometimes everything else is lined up. Perhaps you healed your emotions, gone through the lessons, you have worked with your subconscious,etc. But things are just not happening yet. This happens when the timing is not right. Remember we are co-creators with God and there may be something else going on that we do not see, but God does. For example: You have worked on yourself extensively in order to be healthy for the mate you wish to attract and you use the Law of Attraction, but he is not here yet. What could be happening is that this special life partner has a few things he needs to take care of in his own life before he meets you. Like moving from another state or country; job transition that will allow more time with you, filing for divorce or grieving a deceased wife. Therefore he needs more time for his healing and to put his life in order before he meets you.

"The third dynamic of the Universal Law of Attraction. Energy attracts like energy. For example, when you are angry you attract angry people and you live in an angry world. When you are greedy, you attract greedy people and you live in a greedy world. When you are loving you attract loving people and live in a loving world. It is that simple. Five-sensory humans believe that their world determines their beliefs. Multisensory individuals know that it validates their beliefs. If you believe that the world is dog-eat-dog, you become one of the dogs and you live a world of dogfights. If you believe that the world is miraculous, you become a miracle and you live in a world of miraculous people. Five sensory individuals think, 'I will believe it when I see it.' Multisensory individuals know, 'I will see it when I believe it.'

- Gary Zukav author of Seat of The Soul

Do You Use Food In Place of Life Skills?

"When we began to use food for its mood altering properties, diets as a distraction, or purging as a release, we were trying to help ourselves. We were trying to make ourselves feel better, to fill a need or fill a void or contend with circumstances that we were unable to change or control at that moment, suppressing our unsettling emotions or directing our attenting elsewhere by eating compulsively or dieting obessively was the best, or only, coping mechanism available to us and it worked. Time and time again throughout our lives, addictive substances and behaviors came to our rescue when there seemed to be no other avenues for relief."
                 
                       -Susan Meltsner, M.S.W., author of Body & Soul


When we are children we each develop our own coping mechanism to function in a dysfunctional family. The tools that we use depend on several factors. Birth order, temperament, character, gender, personality, etc. Since none of us were born with a manual on how to handle life situations we adapt and learn from what is going on in our environment with our primary caregivers. If your parents were not very skilled in life then you are challenged to learn it on your own when you get much older. But their way of handling things is wedged deep into your subconsious especially if you have not done the work to change things.

For example, if your father is an alcoholic the chances of you becoming one as well are pretty high. But even if you decide that you will do things differently and not touch alcohol, the lack of healthy coping mechanism and the dependency on something external to deal with life is still in you. Your choice of poison may be food instead of alcohol. If neither of your parents had addictions, it does not mean that you will not have a problem with emotional eating. There are many other scenarios that stimulate emotional eating tendencies.

Some people use food at times to cope in certain situations. In fact, I know a widower who is normally healthy and fit, and when he lost his wife he gained a lot of weight. I gained much weight myself after a job loss especially because my former employer did not want to release the unemployment money for eight months which added much stress. Then a couple of years later I found out about my father's terminal illness and three months after he died. It was too much stress for me and I used food to cope.

It is normal to "sometimes" use food to soothe your emotions, just like you might have glass of wine on a rare occasion to relax after a very stressful day. The thing is that there are many people who use food to help them handle all of life challenges and all situations on a daily basis because they have no other tools for coping. So instead of dealing with the original problem head on, now they have to deal with having an overweight problem also.

" Long after our 'cure' became an illness that made our lives more unmanageable, we continue to automatically and habitually engage in the same behaviors because, at the most fundamental level, we thought we had to. We did not know what else to do. Even though we consciously hated our actions, our weight, or our lack of willpower and wanted to change it, we had unconsiously linked food, eating, dieting, or bingeing and purging to essential needs (safety, soothing, stability, some control over our own destinies) and vested our compulsive behaviors, and in some instances, our large bodies, with the magical power to fulfill those needs...almost all of us without realizing it or planning to, receive hidden benefits from our eating disorders, which is one of reasons they are so difficult to overcome until we find other methods to address the needs our eating and excess weight have been fulfilling, those needs will repeatedly draw us back into our addiction. It didn't occur to us that focusing all of our attention on our weight problems was a convenient way to avoid facing marital, financial, sexual, or loneliness problems that took more than a low-calorie diet to undue."

                                                - Susan Meltsner, M.S.W.

Tips For The Active Commitmentphobic

The numbers of both active and passive commitmentphobics are increasing. Experts say that one reason behind this is that in the past women were more afraid of not getting married. Since women were not allowed to work or own property getting married was the only way to survive. So any fears about getting married were outweighed with fears of dying alone, in poverty and becoming homeless.

But since things have changed women are now seeing that they have many more choices even if in the future they would like to have children. Some of them do want to get married, someday, but they may still have deep subconscious fears about commitment which causes them to be attracted to other commitmentphobics. She may take the passive role while he takes the active role.  So it seems as though the problem is with the men she dates not with her.

One reason that fear of commitment in men has increased is that in the past if a man wanted to have sex and have the affection of a woman, he had to marry her. So any fears that he may have had about commitment were suppressed or controlled. But now there is such easy access to sex that a man's fears for commitment can be overwhelming. Even if he cares for a woman his main focus is on how he could get away regardless of how much he hurts her.

As I said before, both men and women can be actively afraid of commitment. The following are tips for these men and women.

• Don't rush the relationship. If you know that you have let down many people before it is best to control your fantasies about this new person and not make any promises you can not keep. Don't promise the moon and the stars if you know that there is a possibity that when things get real you will flee.
• Keep your insecurities on check. Don't be asking someone for a commitment when it is inappropriate to do so just because you are afraid this person will leave or find somebody else. You know that once you have the commitment your fears will overwhelm you and you will be looking for a way out.
• Get your head out of the fantasy bubble.  Don't be telling a person you just met that she/he is the love of your life. Or that you never met anyone like her/him. Or that you see yourself married to him/her. This gets the other person believing that you have developed feelings for her/him when in reality you are just fantasizing and will not be available for the long haul.
•  Stop the blame game. It is typical for active commitmentphobics to blame their romantic partners for ending the relationship. Usually it is a ridiculous reason which was present when the relationship started in the first place. Yet the Active commitmentphobic did not see it as a problem until things got real. Take responsibility for your fears and I suggest you also get help from a qualified therapist.  Blaming others will never get you to the bottom of your fears. A good therapist will.
• Don't mess with someone's life, their loved ones and especially not with their kids. If you can't back it up with something real don't try to include the other person's loved ones in the courtship. When you do this the other person starts thinking that the relationship is getting serious and that you have strong feelings for her/him. When the truth is you don't even know if you will be around tomorrow.
• Don't pretend you are someone you are not. Alot of times active commitmentphobics say things to impress their partner, but it is not the truth. They say things such as, "I just want to be settled now" or "I can't wait to have kids." Be honest, you are not ready for something serious and telling someone that you are is very irresponsible. If the person was not thinking about a future with you, now he/she is since you brought it up.
• Don't cheat in order to end or create distance in the relationship. If you want out of the relationship say so. Why hurt others more than it is necessary? This is the coward's way out. Why not practice being honest about your fears for a change so that your partner protects herself appropriately?
• Don't set unreasonable boundaries. Another escape route that active commitmentphobics use is putting ridiculous restrictions on intimacy in the relationship. Such as only seeing their partners once every month or every two months for no good reason. Not spending holidays or special occasions with their partner is another example. 
• Don't talk about your problems with your partner unless you truly want to work on the relationship. Your partner will try to fix things if you say there is a problem. When the truth is that you do not want things to work out, you just want to escape. The only reason you bring up the problems is to alleviate your guilt that you are having about planning your exit.
• Don't practice the Houdini. If you want to leave say so. Don't just disappear leaving your partner wondering what happened. It is cruel and irresponsible. You owe your partner an explanation. The least you could do is be honest and tell the other person that you have commitment problems and that your fears are overwhelming you so you need to leave. Otherwise your partner will wonder what he/she did or if you are dead out in a gutter somewhere.  

There are three additional things to know about active commitmentphobics. One is that they avoid working on the relationship. They do not want it to work, they want to escape. If you are the passive one you will only aggravate the active person's fears by trying to make the relationship work. Just let the person go and work on yourself so that in the future you are ready to attract someone who is able and willing to give you the love and commitment that you deserve.

The second thing is that often the relationship with commitmentphobics is very passionate. The reason behind this is because they don't know if they will be around tomorrow so they give it their all when they see you thinking that it may be the last. This is why people who are left have a hard time understanding what happened. One mintute you are kissing passionately, next thing you know he will not return your calls.  It is not something you did. It is just typical active commitmentphobic behavior. This is why I tell people to slow down. To prevent themselves from getting hurt uncessarily.

The third thing is that people who are actively afraid of commitment do not want closure because they want the option to return should they change their mind. Ending a relationship is a form of commitment too so they are constantly with one leg in and one leg out. The active person might already be married or living with someone else, but still calling you as a security blanket in case he/she wants to return to you. The problem is that when you give the active person this reassurance you will never heal and prepare for someone who is healthy and deserves you. You will be allowing the active person to string you along even though it is not likely he/she will go back to you.



If you have a pattern of dating commitmentphobics please see my article Tips For The Passive Commitmentphobic 9/9/12.

Please contact me for more information on this article. I am available for email sessions as well if you prefer.

Lessons Were For Me

"...we can not bargain with the force of evolution; if we aren't going the way of our heart, things will begin to fall apart. Not as punishment or retribution, but the crisis we will find ourselves in will come about to shake us up, to educate us. It may me an emotional breakdown or it may be physical illness, but the soul will awaken us in its own perfect way before things go too far."

-Kathy Freston author of Quantum Wellness



Today I am feeling very content with the growth and healing I have accomplished in such a short time. What I am doing differently than what I have done before is to be more aware and mindful about my life. Before I was so consumed with making a living and achieving more that I did not pay attention to what was most important. Which was me and what was going on inside of me.

Living in an unaware and unconscious state causes you to repeat the same mistakes over and over. You are also, by the Law of Attraction, sent the same people, circumstances and events. The reason for this is that life is presenting you with an opportunity to learn a lesson. Most people do not pay attention until the situation has gotten out of hand and turned into chaos. There is a whole lot of pain involved when you are not being mindful.

Even in the worse situations there is a gift. Life is always pushing you to evolve. So if you do not get the gift the first time the situation will get worse until you do get it. While I still make mistakes, living as though everything in life is for "my growth, enjoyment or both" has made my life more beautiful, joyful and peaceful. I am constantly being presented with gifts and miracles. There are times I am left in awe.

The following is one of my favorite songs. I was listening to it the other day and it reminded me of all the life lessons that I have learned. It as though there is a force pushing me towards my life path. Every time I start going the wrong way I get pushed back to the correct route.



Song by Cecilia called Silver Wings

The Past It Taught Me Well,
And Sometimes Though I Fell,
It's Plain To See,
The Lessons Were For Me,
So Let It Be,
They Came To Set Me Free.

If God's Plan For Me Is To Reach Higher,
I Accept The Call, That's My Desire.
For Within My Heart, The Everlasting Dwells.

Twas Fate That Showed Me How,
To Profit In The Now.
The Game of Life,
Is Stepping Past The Strife.
So Let Us Be,
It's Come To Set Us Free.

Chorus

Let Me Voice My Plea.
And Let Me Touch My Destiny.
Fly Me, Fly Me, On Silver Wings,
To The Place Where Angels Sing.

Tips for The Passive Commitmentphobic

A clue that you are a passive commitmentphobic is that you want to force love. You meet someone and and you immediately want to know if you are going to be exclusive and if it is going to be a permanent thing.  The problem is that when you meet someone you can not know these things right away. If the other person tells you they know after just meeting you they are either commitmentphobic themselves or have unrealistic perceptions of what love is.

Another clue is that you have a history of dating commitmentphobics, people who are not available either physically or emotionally, or have serious character flaws. The reason you look for these type of people is because a man who is serious about commitment and is ready to do so terrifies you. Therefore, you choose someone who will never be able to commit to you for whatever reason. You may not be choosing these partners consciously, but you are definitely doing so on the subconscious level.

Perhaps this may be hard for you to believe. It was for me. I thought that I was doing everything I could to have an exclusive relationship. And I was, but always with inadequate partners.  They had the built in barrier that gave me the safety net to give my all to this person. But ofcourse the love was not returned. I have since then learned and healed much of my commitment issues. I no longer attract low energy people. But in the beginning of your healing it could be hard to spot people who are not good for you. The following are tips to follow so that you protect yourself from getting hurt again and to give you the space to heal thoroughly.

• Do not force things to happen when you meet someone. Instead spend your time paying attention to what he says or doesn't say, what he does or doesn't do. Remind yourself that when you try to force things to happen it is your own insecurities wanting to cement the relationship with someone you do not even know and may possibly hurt you.
• Take things slow. You need time and space to get to know someone. If you have a history of choosing wrong partners it is especially crucial that you take things slow. Regardless of how things appear on the outside. Appearances could be deceiving. Put your hormones and fantasies on check. Remind yourself that you want to do things differently now in order to attract a more suitable partner. Know that if a man truly likes you he will not go away if you need to take things slow.
• Start exploring why it may be that you are afraid to commit. You might think it is ridiculous in your case because consciously you want to get married and be settled.  But if you listen to your intuition it will tell you why you have a fear of commitment. In my case I was afraid to repeat the relationship my parents had. In fact, I remember my mother saying that she wasted the best years of her life with my father. When she would tell me this I would say to myself, "Well I am not wasting my best years of my life for anyone. If and when I marry it will be after I am forty years old. Then I will be ready." I had forgotten about this until a few years ago when I began my healing.
• Don't try to sell yourself as the perfect partner. Keep your focus on your life. You don't know who he really is in the beginning. This is the time to collect data not the time to try to convince someone how fabulous you are. If he is right for you he will know without you having to tell him anyway.
• Protect yourself by not being easily won over. This is not a game. People sometimes say things they do not mean either because they are caught up in infatuation or they want something from you in return. Such as sex.  Sometimes they go as far as wanting to meet your family, do favors for you, or are nice to your kids. Don't fall for the bait. Only time will tell if he is sincere. Protect yourself and your loved ones in the meantime.
• Stay realistic and keep your fantasies on check no matter what he says or does. Active commitmentphobics could be excellent romancers and very charming. They say exactly what you want to hear. But remember that once they have you they can't keep up the romancing and their commitment fears take over so they leave more often than not. If someone is overdoing the romance in the beginning, telling you that he has met the love of his life after just one date or two, remind yourself there is something wrong with him. And with you as well if you believe him.
• Maintain healthy boundaries. This means that you do not give too much of yourself in the beginning. I do not mean be coldhearted and unpleasant to be around. What I mean is that you do not revolve your whole life around him. You do not devote your time and energy on his needs. Maintain focus on your needs and your own life. This is not selfish it is self protective. It is very common for women to give their all to men in the beginning and then deeply regret it a couple of weeks or sometimes just days later. 

Keep in mind that there are also active commitmentphobic women and passive commitmentphobic men. The above tips are for both men and women who are passively afraid of commiment. In a future article I will write tips for the active commitmentphobics. From what I learned partners sometimes switch off.  Therefore, it is best to read both articles. Not only so that you know how to spot someone who is a commitment phobic, either actively or passively, but for yourself. To protect yourself and to prevent yourself from hurting others because of your fears.



I have many more tips. However, it is difficult to write it all down in one article.  If you would like more information please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com. The first session is free. I am also available for email coaching if that is your preference.

Law of Attraction 101

The following are a few tips to help produce the desired energy so that the Law of Attraction works in your favor.

1. Make your best effort, but detach from the outcome. Desperation and urgency repel things from you instead of magnetizing them towards you.
2. Stay away from Energy Vampires as much as possible. For further information on Energy Vampires please see my post from 9/7/11.
3. Surround yourself with positive people as often as you can. Studies have shown that the 5 people you are around the most determine your energy resonance. So if most of the people you spend time with are negative and full of drama this is the energy you will take with you.
4. Spend time healing your emotions. You will attract circumstances, people and things that resonate with your energy. If you are angry you will attract angry people and circumstances that will cause you feel more angry. You can't just put on a happy face and expect good things when in the inside you are full of turmoil.
5. Be careful what you wish for. Be sure you are healthy Mind, Body, Heart and Spirit before you ask for anything. Sometimes if you desire something really bad such as a relationship you will get it, but you will get someone who resonates with your energy. So if you have low self-esteem issues you will attract someone who will aggravate them. You might attract people who cheat on you, abandon you, are emotionally unavailable or mistreat you in many ways.

For some other of my articles related to this topic please see the blog section at www.first30days.com

Beliefs and The Law of Attraction

"Doubt and unbelief is as certain to start a movement away from you as faith and purpose are to start one toward you. It is by understanding this that most people who try to use of  'mental science' in getting rich make their failure. Every hour and moment that you spend  giving heed to doubt and fears, every hour your spend in worry, every hour in which your soul is possessed by unbelief, sets a current away from you in a whole domain of intelligent Substance. All the promises are unto them that believe, and unto them only. Notice how Jesus was upon this point of belief; and now you know the reason why." 

                            - Wallace D. Wattles



If you are familiar with the law of attraction you know how important it is to have beliefs which support that which you wish to manifest. However, it could be very difficult to believe at times when you find yourself in negative situations.

One good trick is to think smaller. I know that you always hear people saying that you must think big and that it takes the same energy to manifest a million dollars as it is to manifest $1,000. However, if you have subconscious beliefs about how it is just not possible for you to become a millionaire then you will never manifest a million dollars.

 Therefore, the best thing to do is to start small. Because every time you are holding the thought that you want to produce a million dollars a part of you is not believing it is possible and therefore blocks your ability to create those million dollars. But if you focus on manifesting $50 and once you get it, your beliefs about attracting money start changing.  Your subconscious will begin believing that you can attract money. Then you see if you could attract $100 dollars.

Some people are able to attract massive amounts of money, but usually those are the ones who have already been around large somes of money. This is especially easier for those people who grew up in families where they rarely, if ever, experienced scarcity. When you grow up in poverty, it is a little harder to manifest large sums of money. It is not impossible, but it will take work on your part to change your subconscious beliefs.

There are those who grew up in lower income families and now as adults they are still able to manifest money to live more than comfortably. This is because their parents ensured that the child never went without no matter how little money the parent made.

For example, I know a woman who grew up in the same economic level that I grew up in. However, her father made money on the side doing who knows what exactly to get her what she wanted. He even bought her a new car when she was only sixteen. The family as a whole did not live better than my family did, but her father favored this woman and always gave her what she desired.

Fast forward thirty years later;  she believes she could get what she wants when she wants it.  She never had to struggle a day in her life either. On the otherhand,  I was told it was selfish to even have the little I had and it was taken away. So I grew up believing that there was never enough. At least not for me.

If you have read my other articles you know that the most important years in a child's life are ages birth to seven. These are the years when your subconscious beliefs are set. The rest of your life is then bringing you experiences that reflect those subconscious beliefs. My programmed beliefs where that life was a struggle. You work hard at a job you hate and still there is never enough.

I have been working on changing those beliefs and I do see things shifting. But it definitely did not happen overnight that's for sure.

For more information please contact me on Facebook or carbajalzulma@gmail.com

To Shift Your Life

　

Most people believe that the more they worry about something it will not happen. However, the opposite is true. The more you worry about something the greater the chance that it will come to pass. It is very difficult to change your thoughts from negative to positive when you are in the middle of chaos or things are falling apart left and right. Unfortunately if we do not make more of an effort the negative circumstances will continue and could even get worse.

I learned through my own experiences many tools that help change your thoughts and in response your circumstances improve as well. I share here a few techniques that I use to help myself shift out of negative thoughts and situations.

Avoid Negative Conversations

In order for you to start improving not only your life but to create a significant shift in the world, you have to stop getting involved in negative conversations. This includes watching negative shows on TV. We are all a lot more sensitive to negativity than we know. When you engross yourself in what is bad in the world you only create more of the same.

Avoid Energy Drainers

Now that I am more aware of my energy I could tell the difference immediately when I am with a positive person or an energy drainer. Before all I knew was that as soon as the energy drainer was gone I felt depleted, sick, or moody. In fact, a few times I literally became ill. I later began imagining that she stold my positive energy and she gave me all of her yucky energy. Once my studies on energy started I found out that this was not my imagination, it was actually happening. In order to manifest good things you have to be feeling very good. You can not do that if your positive energy is regularly being sucked dry by energy drainers. If you need more information please view my article Energy Drainers 8/20/12 or Energy Vampires and The Law of Attraction 9/07/11.

Shift Your Focus

We are all masters at knowing what we do not want. The evidence on how masterful you are has shown up in your environment, circumstances and relationships. The time has come to not only know what we do want, but in using our mind to assist us in getting it. Most people let their mind run wild and therefore they keep sabotaging themselves from attracting their desires. Then things start getting worse. Believe me it is much harder to get out of the hole of negative thougths when you are in deep with the unwanted circumstances that you created. It is much better and easier to catch yourself when you are thinking negatively when things are more stable.

Stop the Blame

When we are children we are indeed victims of circumstance. However, once we become adults we have the ability to transform our lives any time we want. I admit that change is not necessarily easy. However, it is not even possible when you have given your power to somebody or something else. This keeps your focus "out there" when the solution for your problem is actually "in here". The more you get into the blame game the longer you will stay in the negative situation that you find yourself in. I agree that there are some very bad people in this world. However, there is a reason why we attract these people into our lives. You may get rid of one bad person, but if you do not change what is going on in the inside you will attract someone else who is just the same.


　

　
Related Article: Positive Energy and The Law of Attraction 9/19/11
　

Slowing Down Dating

One important thing that I have learned about dating is that you have to take things slow. It could be difficult to do when you are excited that you have met someone special. But there are several reasons why it will benefit you to slow things down. Here is a list as to why that is so.

• You avoid getting hurt. The person you are dating could get caught up in infatuation and make promises that he may not be able to keep. If you take things slow you will get to reach the point where infatuation has decreased and you could evaluate if he is truly developing feelings for you or if it was just the hormones making him talk crazy.
• You find out if he is even a person you want to be with long term. When you start dating, a man is in his best behavior especially if he is attracted to you. It takes time for his true colors to come out. Some men show their colors right away, but there are those who are able to conceal serious flaws at the beginning. However, no one can conceal deep issues forever and that is why you need to slow down enough to wait and see if he is who you thought he was when you first met him.
• You avoid commitmentphobics. If he is a person who is actively afraid of commitment, he will pursue you aggresively in the beginning. However, once you give in, his fears will overwhelm him and either he will break-up with you or just disappear like Houdini. You have to be self-protective and one way of doing it is by not letting yourself get caught up in what he says and let him remove all barriers before it is appropriate to do so. Only time will tell if he means what he says and will follow through. You need to take things slow to find out.
• You  do not make hasty decisions that you will later regret. People get very excited when they meet someone special and sometimes get carried away in revolving their whole life around that person. People who are passively afraid of commitment are especially prone in getting caught up in the fantasy and are more likely to change their life drastically in order to spend more time with their love. If you take things slow you will reduce the risk of disrupting your life for someone who turns out not to be the one.
• You get rid of the people who have an unrealistic view towards love and romance. Some people don't realize that it takes time to develop real love. Part of the reason is because of the media, movies, fairy tales, society etc.  These are the people who are only there for you when times are good. However, the day that you want to talk to him about something serious he wont be able to handle it and may even leave. When you slow down you get to see him in different situations and can better determine if he is a down to earth guy who you can have a real relationship with or he is only a fantasyland male you can never count on when you need him.

Related articles: My Dating Rules 8/24/12; Fear of Commitment 8/22/12; Pick a Different Flavor 8/14/12; Are You Running Away From Love? 8/2/12