I Know The Truth But Don't Believe It

"I know the truth, but I don't believe it" was said by Helen Shucman,  author of A Course In Miracles. A couple of days ago, I got together with my new wise friends and we watched a movie about Helen and how A Course In Miracles came into being. It was a long movie, about three hours, but I felt as though what was said in the movie was directed at me and I was mesmerized the whole time.

It is strange but I know what Helen meant about knowing the truth, but not believing it. My ego is still trying to hold on to my past life story. My ego is reminding me of all of the hurts and pain caused by others ever since I was a child.

But the truth is, that none of it really happened. Our life on Earth is an illusion. If you have seen the movie The Matrix you will understand what I am talking about. While the movie is fictional, there is truth in it. The truth is that we create our world and it is really a dream, an illusion. Ofcourse it does not feel that this is so when you are in the middle of  a serious challenge. But it is the truth.

This is why I say that I understand what Helen meant. I know the truth. I've known it from as far as I could remember. Yet there have been many times that I reacted as though I did not know. I actually remember times when I was a child and spent a lot of time observing others, especially my parents, and wondered why they reacted in such negative ways. I then figured that this is the way you did things on Earth. So I began practicing acting like my parents did. I became especially skillful at emulating my mother. Now it seems weird that I did that. It was almost as though I was trying to get into character for a movie and was carefully trying to copy the real person the movie was going to be about.

I knew it was silly and not real, but I did it anyway. Then as time went by I forgot that it was not real. I had even forgotten about the times I watched my parents behave in negative ways and copied them knowing it was silly.  I remembered when I started reading psychiatry texts and other books explaining how we develop our beliefs, behaviors, attitudes, reactions, etc.  It is strange for me to actually remember the process of emulating my parents to learn how to be a people.

Now the challenge for me and many others is to unlearn what we learned and to remember the truth. My journey has not been easy, I often slip.  But surrounding myself with my new friends is helping me believe what I know is the truth.