To Love Yourself Means...

When love flows in our lives, it opens our hearts, our arms, our eyes. We Blossom, like a flower in the Springtime sun. When love is missing, we wither and close, protecting ourselves against the harshness of life. Imagine being full of love that no matter how much you gave, there was always more than enough, and any love you received was just icing on the cake. - Marci Shimoff

Self Love is so important, yet most people do not even know what it means to truly love themselves. Here are some guidelines on what Self Love means:

• You set healthy boundaries. You allow people into your life that are good for you. When you feel self love you do not get involved with dysfunctional people and if by accident you end up with one, you lay down your rules. When it comes to family it is a lot harder, but you can still set boundaries.
• You stand up for yourself. You do not let anyone bully you or make you feel less than.
• You are not co-dependent. Which means you are not so needy that you will do anything and everything to keep love in your life.
• Self-love means that you are not a doormat. You do not respond to people's last minute request. You do not do more than you could do. You make sure your own cup is full before you give.
• You take care of yourself; mind, body, heart and soul. Yes we are all busy, there are others to take care of, time flies, etc. But when you love yourself you make time for yourself a priority.
• You learn to hush the negative self talk. You know the one that tells you things like, you are not good enough, you are too fat, you are not attractive enough, you are not smart enough ,etc. This voice is not coming from your true self. Your true self is very loving and would not put you down in any way.The critical voice was developed because of the things we heard growing up from parents, culture, siblings, family, environment, teachers, classmates, etc. Some people are not even aware they have this voice. However, it could have a very bad impact in your life.
• When you are hurting you seek out wise, compassionate, and understanding people. You don't go to those who make you feel worse.
• You are not satisfied being around people who only pretend to love you. You also listen to your intuition in order to indentify true love from hypocrisy.
• You don't deny your negative feelings. You either either release them by yourself or you talk to someone who could really be there for you and help you let the feelings go. 
• You do not rehash your old pain repeatedly, you know this only hurts you more. You simply heal what comes up as you go through your life journey.
• You love yourself based on who you are within, not based on the superficial and external.

"Once you experience even the palest glimmer of self-love, it becomes increasingly difficult to feel comfortable in relationships where all it exist is the pretense of love."

                                                       - Geneen Roth


"Most important, find a safe outlet to surface your feelings. Airbrush nothing. Take all the time you need to sort them through. Then-and this is critical-move on. To persist in rehashing issues (sometimes for years!) without progress is counterproductive. There still may be some loose ends. That's okay. You can return to them when the right time comes. Many of us get in the enchanted realm of childhood traumas rather than utilize the knowledge we've gained to move forward."

                                                    -Judith Orloff, M.D.