Anger should be considered your friend. Like a friend you have to listen to it to find out what it is telling you. Once you listen to the message you also have to learn to let it go. To let it flow out of your body.
The following are guidelines to follow when anger comes up in your life:
- Ask yourself what it is that is making you angry. Instead of blaming other people for your anger look within to find out what your beliefs are that are causing you to feel angry. We are always projecting our beliefs onto other people. For example, if a woman thinks men are wonderful and a man teases her about something, she will think he is trying to be funny and make her laugh. If another woman thinks all men are jerks, when a man teases her all hell will break loose.
- Learn better communication skills and to ask for what you want in a healthy way. Many times anger is caused by our frustration about not getting our needs met, expecting others to read our minds and know what those needs are.
- Stop being so dependent on what other people think of you. Dr. Wayne Dyer has a saying, "Your opinion of me is none of my business."
- Unwelcomed situations and changes can also cause us to feel angry. We feel life is cruel and God is not there for us. In these cases the best thing to do is to remind yourself that all change is for the better even if it does not look like it. A good book to read if you are going through difficult changes in your life is First 30 Days. I am currently an expert contributor for the author's web site http://first30days.com. You will find articles written by me and other experts in the blog section that may be helpful to you.
- Learn when it's time to let go and let God. Sometimes we want to manipulate people and circumstances that can not be manipulated. Saying the serenity prayer helps me surrender in times when I find myself wanting to control or manipulate something that I have little to no power over. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Speak your truth and speak from the heart. Many times we do not say what we want to say because we are afraid to lose a person's love or friendship. But you must honor yourself always. In the most loving way you can, say what is in your heart. You have to be brave enough to stand up for yourself and not be afraid of losing that person. If they do not like that you are honoring yourself and speaking your truth then you do not need this person in your life anyway.
- When you are so angry that you are not able to do any of the above, release some of the anger by running, walking, aerobic exercise, high impact dancing, punching a pillow, writing or screaming. The screaming I do not like too much because if you are not alone or the windows are open, you can scare your child, pets and neighbors. Then they get all worried about you or think you are nuts. But if you really need to do it, scream into a pillow. And also when you write in your journal and you are not feeling any release..stop. It is probably because you are rehashing what caused you to be angry instead of releasing the angry feelings. In a future article I will share with you the method I use to write down my feelings and then release them.
- Talking to a friend or family member sometimes helps, but other times it could make things worse because friends are biased and can get you even more angry at the person or situation. Other times they are thinking only about what serves them and they are not really supportive of your need to be heard. Some people are just plain ignorant. They could actually make you feel guilty for being angry and tell you that you do not have the right to feel what you feel. Part of healing is to learn who the wise and supportive people are. These people will compassionately hear you out which will help you release what you feel. If you have gotten negative results with a person in the past, don't go back to that person for support. You are only setting yourself up for more pain.
- Anger can also be a catalyst that will push you to make changes to improve your life. For me this has been the case. It has led me to new like minded friends, positive circumstances and peaceful situations. Without anger many people settle for a dull, unfulfilling, chaotic, boring, stressful and meaningless life. Use the energy of anger to propel you to improve your life.
- If you do not have positive support, I recommend that you hire a Success Coach and if needed a therapist. If you can't afford one, there are many wonderful spiritual people who can help and do not charge a thing. Some of us were burned by religion so we rather stay away. But I have found that Unity church is very different. Even before attending services, I visited a spiritual leader at a Unity church when things in my life were too difficult and I did not have anyone present for compassionate support. I now consult with the Reverend at the Unity church I recently started attending. I have received wise, spiritual and practical help from both spiritual leaders at the two Unity churches. I left the consultations feeling at least 95% better than when I got there. So try it out and see what you experience.
If you live in the area, check out the church I attend, see this site to get the address www.unityriverside.org. Reverend Ray is very supportive and compassionate. If you need a consultation his number is on the church's site. If you would like a free session from me, I could be reached at carbajalzulma@gmail.com
No comments:
Post a Comment