Writing to Release Negative Emotions

"I'd like to address a common misconception: If you're spiritually evolved you wont have emotional conflict. Well, maybe if you reach Nirvana-but not in this world. The earth is not an enlighted planet. Surprised? It's a place where we learn: there is light as well as adversity." -Dr. Judith Orloff 

I still have not met anyone who has reached Nirvana. Although I have done much healing myself, some negative emotions still come up from time to time. This is normal, I am a human being afterall, not a robot. For most of us, in this lifetime we will not get to a place where all we experience is peace and love. We could do what we can to increase peace and love in our life, but don't be disappointed when life experiences bring out negative emotions.

The truth is, there really is no such thing as a bad emotion. Low energy emotions are actually messengers that tell us that something is amiss. The following are things that I have learned because of my emotions.

•  I have learned to practice self care.
•  I have learned to be assertive and not let others take advantage of me.
•  I have learned how to maintain healthy boundaries.
•  I have learned to love, honor and respect myself and to expect nothing less from others.
•  I have sought out new like minded friends.
•  I have made positive changes in many areas of my life.
•  I have healed many childhood wounds.
• I  have learned to stand up for myself when no one else did.

The above are only a few examples. There are so many more, which I have shared in other articles and will continue to share in the future. If we did not have emotions then there really would be no reason for us to do much of anything. For example, if you did not feel sadness at the thought of losing a romantic relationship, then you would not try to make things work. If you did not feel anger at someone who was treating you poorly, you would not stand up to that person and demand justice.  Or if you did not feel anger at not having money to feed your child, you would not have the energy to find ways to make money.

We experience all of the emotions for a reason. The problem comes when we hold on to the emotion for a long period of time. For example, let's say that you are sad because life has been hard. You lost your spouse, job, home, your child is in trouble, etc. If you stay in sadness, you will only sink further into it. You develop feelings of hopelessness and maybe find yourself becoming severely depressed. What needs to happen in order for things to improve is that you allow yourself to feel anger for what has occured and use that energy to make positive changes.

I have often heard from psychologists that sadness is suppressed anger and anger is unexpressed sadness. In my experience, and what I have witnessed from others,  this has certainly been the case on numerous occasions.

When I find myself stuck on an emotion, I change it. One of the ways I do that is by using Dr. John Gray's method. Here is how it works. Below I listed twelve negative emotions. 

1. I am angry
2. I am sad
3. I am afraid
4. I am sorry
5. I am frustrated
6. I am disappointed
7. I am worried
8. I am embarrassed
9. I am jealous
10. I am hurt
11. I am scared
12. I am ashamed

You pick the emotion that you are currently in and write about it. Then you go down four levels.  Let's say that you are experiencing anger. The emotions you would focus on are as follows:


Level One: I am angry
Level Two: I am sad
Level Three: I am afraid
Level Four: I am sorry

Or if you are feeling shame:

Level One: I am ashamed
Level Two: I am angry
Level Three: I am sad
Level Four: I am afraid


Now let me show you an example of how it would look using anger as the main emotion.

Level One:
"I am angry at my current situation. While I know it is just temporary, it still makes me angry to have to be in it at all. I am hoping that I soon see evidence of positive change."

Level Two:
"I am sad that I have to let go of much from my old life in order to leave space for my new life. I wish it were not necessary."

Level Three:
"I am afraid of getting out of my comfort zone. I am afraid to go out and date again. I wish dating was easier."

Level Four:
"I am sorry that things got so bad. I wish I was not such an emotional wreck and would have been more focused on being proactive instead of reactive."

"However, I trust that somehow things will work out. They always do. I am at least doing my part to get there."


Notice that in each level I expressed my wishes, wants and likes. You can stay writing on each level as long as you need to. Then, when you are ready, move one to the next level/emotion. It does not have to be seperated by levels like I did above, you could write in paragraph form. As long as you stay with the same emotion until you are done writing about it, then stating your desires before moving on to the next level/emotion.

Also, notice that at the end of the process I wrote something positive.  Dr. Gray states that this is an important part of the process. He says, "Write your feelings of love, understanding, trust, appreciation, or gratitude."

If you have so many feelings at once and don't know where to start, start anywhere. Also, if you do not feel better after the process go down another four levels. Sometimes it's because we thought we felt one emotion, but it turned out it was something else. Like maybe instead of angry or sad you were really feeling hurt.  You could find more information in Dr. John Gray's books, Mars and Venus Starting Over, or What You Feel You Can Heal.


 I hope that this was helpful. If you need more information, please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com.

"There is a misguided expectation that we are suppose to be happy all the time. Let's set this straight. None of us is immune to the ups and downs of being human. Emotions-all of them- are precious nuts and bolts of the spiritual journey. Heal from the inside out and you can set yourself free. I often work with patients who appear to have everything. Yet many are lost, unhappy. More isn't always better. no matter how many houses you own, or how impressive a bank account, if you're full of self-loathing, even the most exquisite rose can't touch you. We view the world through the lens of how we feel about ourselves." -  Judith Orloff, M.D.