Booty Calls

"You gals out there who still think booty calls are the sign of feminism:they're more like the booby prize of feminism. Because booty calls aren't a positive way to embrace your sexuality. They are negative expressions of your low self-esteem. When women ask me how they can turn a booty call into a romantic relationship, I tell them they can't because it's probably too late. If their 'relationship' started in the bedroom it's likely it will end there too. If  the message  you're giving with your behavior is a one night stand and cheap sex, that's all you will get. Saying no to the booty call is the ultimate way to show yourself and the men you're looking to date that you have self-respect."- Patti Novak, professional matchmaker and author Get Over Yourself!

I chose to write about this topic today because it concerns me how many women are still okay with one night stands, booty calls, and sex without commitment. The following are reasons why booty calls are not the way to go.

• Instead of seeing that low self-esteem is the reason you seek out cheap sex, you sleep around which will only damage your self-esteem further.
• To men sex is just sex. There are actually men who do not even have to find you attractive in order to have sex with you. So don't be flattered if a dude wants to have sex with you. Women on the other hand tend to become attached because of a chemical called oxytocin (check it out on the web).
• Any possibility of being in a committed relationship with the person you are participating in booty call behavior with is diminished if not eliminated completely. Because he now sees you as cheap and easy and most healthy men would walk away (after the sex that is).
•  Cristian Carter, a male expert on dating, has an article on catchhimandkeephim.com in which a woman wrote to him asking how she could turn a sexual relationship she is having with a man into an exclusive relationship. His response was, "You can't".  He said that it seems that many women have sex with men without commitment thinking that the sex will push the men into exclusivity. According to Cristian, a healthy man himself, cheap sex only damages the chances of commitment. He also mentioned that on a rare occasion if the guy is a good guy he may come back after some time, if he felt some love/deep affection prior to the sex, but it is a huge gamble. Most men would not come back if you want to change the booty calls into exclusivity. He will just go to someone else for the booty calls since there are so many women readily willing to sacrifice their self-esteem for a dude and participate in casual sex.
• Another reason women engage in booty calls is that they are afraid if they stop the man will leave. Know that this is your low self-esteem talking, telling you that you can't get someone else who is actually worthy of you. He will leave you anyway, once he is lusting over someone else or finds "The One" whichever comes first.
• Women who have low self-esteem think that the only way to keep a man is to have sex with him. That is bullshit. If a man really likes you he will wait as long as it takes in order to have sex with you. In fact, I have a friend who has been been happily married for eighteen years. Her husband did not even get a kiss for a year while they were dating exclusively. If you are still not convinced, read Steve Harvey's book, Think Like a Man, Act Like a Lady, in which he assures you that if a man likes you he can wait for sex until you are dating exlusively and you are ready emotionally, mentally, spiritually and not just physically. He also tells women not be stupid in falling for the idiot men who say. "I will just get it somewhere else then." Steve's says your response should be, "Please do", and go on to find the one who deserves your "goods".

See related posts: Don't Confuse Lust With Love 10/26/11; The Truth About Sex 1/14/12.