Through Changes Get Support

"Everyone in your life will not celebrate the unfolding of your authentic self. Some people don't want 'the real you' to please stand up because, believe it or not, they were comfortable with your limitations, your roles, your old denials, all of which get along very nicely with theirs."

                                           -Dr. Barbara De Angeles



When someone comes to me and shares all of the changes that they wish to make in their lives, the first thing I say is to not go through those changes alone. For a couple of years I did this on my own and I struggled tremendously. I felt alone and isolated. Fortunately my intuition guided me to build my support system and find like minded individuals.

Change is difficult even for those of us who desire to improve our lives, it is even harder if there are those around you holding you back and bringing you down instead of cheering you on and  motivating you. There are various reasons why people don't want you to change. Dr. Barbara De Angeles calls them "The Loving Conspiracy". Please see my article The Loving Conspiracy 3/28/12 for more information.

• As I have mentioned above, the first thing to do is to build your support team. Especially if you have many things you want to change in your life. The best thing to do is to hire a Transition Specialist like myself. I am like Dr. De Angelis wrote in her book How Did I Get Here?, "the horn of the Rhinocerous." Rhino's use their horn for various reasons. One of them is to cut through stuff so that the rest of the body does not get harmed and also for speed to get to things. Many cultures use the horn for its healing properties. So like the horn I have already experienced numerous challenges during my own change process and therefore can not only provide you with short cuts, but also can prevent you from getting unecessarily harmed. Perhaps I could even assist you through your healing using the tools and methods I have used for my own growth and healing.
• If it is not possible to hire a Transition Specialist at this time, that's okay. You can get yourself at least an accountability partner. You have to be very savvy and selective in choosing this person. This person can't have any serious chemical addictions (smoking is an exception because it does not impair judgement although you or your partner may want to quit this for your health and wellbeing) and must be emotionally stable. Must not dwell in low energy emotions (See my article Power VS. Force) for more information. Your partner must be committed to growth. Their profession or economic level is unimportant. As long as this person holds you accountable for your weekly goals. I believe I hit the gold mine with my accountability partner. In moments when I felt like a failure for my slow progress or was comfronted with external challenges, she reminded me of the huge leaps and successes I had already achieved. She reminded me that while others may not see all the great things that I have done, there certainly has been a great change in the inside and the external would soon follow. I recall that she was the third person who comforted me when old friends had disappeared a couple of years ago and told me to trust that it was meant to be so. I could go on and on about my partner, but then I will never finish my article.
• Build a mastermind group. I first heard of this in Napolean Hill's classic, Think and Grow Rich when I read the book many years ago. At the time I thought that mastermind groups were only for business people or entrepreneurs so I never really put much thought into building one of my own. But when I felt isolated and alone through my life changes I got the idea to build one in which the only requirement is that the members are committed to growth and healing. My group has been a huge support for me. There were times I wondered what I would have done without them. We meet once a month. However, if one of us needs support in between or just needs someone to talk to we call each other up. My group is very resourceful, compassionate, understanding, helpful, savvy and like minded. While we each vary a bit on some beliefs, we respect them and each other. Again members of your group can't have chemical addictions, have serious emotional problems nor dwell in lower emotions. Otherwise it will contaminate the rest of the group. The point of the group is to support each other through change. When there is addiction involved the group tends to put all of their efforts in helping the addicted person. Which the group is not qualified to help with anyway. Same with low energy emotions. Mastermind groups are not qualified for this kind of help.  However, there is help for you out there.  
• Start relationships with spiritual people. I do not mean religious, by the way. A good example of a non religious, but spiritual group, is Unity Church. I find it amusing how some people from the Unity church I attend go to their religious church first, but then show up to our church.  I often wondered why that was so. But I imagine the reason they come to Unity church is because they feel so supported, loved, welcomed and the Reverend gives the most interesting and inspiring services. There are many groups out there. You have to try them out and see where you feel you fit the best in.
• Start you own daily communion with God. God is with us always. You do not have to wait to be with God until Sunday. The week is very long and lonely when your only time spent with God is on Sundays. I can't tell you what spiritual practice to follow in order to have a relationship with God. However, I do suggest that you begin to develop one if you do not have one already. Reverend Ray from Unity church in Riverside recommends daily meditation and prayer. I heard a savvy person say that prayer is to speak to God and meditation is to listen.
• If possible join a group of people in which you aspire to be like. I say this because you are the equivalent of the five you people who you spend most of your time with. So if you spend your time with people who dwell in lower emotions then that is what you will do as well. I did not make this up folks. I have heard this from many motivational experts, life coaches, mentors, psychologists, successful and intelligent friends, experts on the law of attrraction (they call it Phase Entanglement), spiritual friends and leaders. I am fortunate in that the group I most aspire to be like are from my church group and I get to spend a minimum of once a week with them, but more if I can or choose to.

I will continue to give you tips that could help you through your change process. However, for faster results and for help for your specific needs please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com to set up a phone session. While I hope that what I write in this blog is beneficial to people, which apparently it is, based on the thousands of readers I get a month throughout the world and the numerous emails or calls, I can't tailor the information for what you need if I do not know what those needs are. I also sometimes need to ask questions to give you the best answer or I want to make sure I understood your situation or question and the best way to do that is over the phone. The first session is free and it may be all that you need.

I also write articles in the blog section for www.first30days.com which may also be of some help to you through your time of change.