"Sometimes in our quest for self-knowledge we look within discomfort and disbelief at our reflection in the mirror of old values and past choices, and we do not recognize the person we see or the life we are living. Perhaps we realize that what we thought we needed isn't what we need anymore. Perhaps we discover that we're still living a choice we made when we were twenty-one, or thirty-one, and it longer fits. In these powerful moments, we feel compelled to make the outer expression of who we are more honestly and accurately represent our inner self. We are longing to live a more authentic life."
- Dr. Barbara De Angelis
It gets to a point in your life when you are so tired of pretending you are someone you are not or become fed up with going along with what others believe when you know in your heart that it is not the truth.When you begin discovering who you really are you are not okay with keeping up with appearances in order not to make any waves. You also realize that many people love the persona or role you have taken up for so many years, but once you start revealing your true self they dislike it very much and/or it makes them feel uncomfortable.
This is what Dr. Barbara De Angelis writes about what it means to be your Authentic Self:
- Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values.
- Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.
- Feeling you can be yourself and be loved, rather than having to act in ways you feel will be acceptable to others.
- Accepting and honoring all parts of yourself rather than hiding or lying about them.
- Communicating the truth when you need to, even though it might create conflict or tension.
- Not settling for less that what you know you deserve in your relationships.
- Asking for what you want and need from others.
While learning more of who I am is 100% better that remaining stuck in roles that have not fit me for at least ten years, it has been extremely challenging living more as my true self. Losing relationships has been the worse. A couple of years ago I was feeling sad about this and I mentioned it to a spiritual friend. He informed me that while I am mourning the loss, to know that it is natural for this to happen when you have gone through growth and learning, especially as much as I have. He added that those people who are meant to remain in my life will remain and those who are meant to leave it will do so. It is the Universal Law of Attraction he said. Like attracts like.
I had forgotten about this until yesterday when I spoke to a man (A friend of a friend) I admire for not only his financial success, but also his high spiritual awareness and intuition. In spite of his busy schedule he called me to give me a bit of guidance. While I was only expecting career or business tips, he gave me so much more. He mentioned that in his experience and what he has witnessed from the experience of others is that when people go through extensive growth and experienced spiritual "awakenings"; relationships, circumstances, jobs and environments will change or disappear. There is nothing that you could do about it. Even if you try to hold on or turn things back to how they were you can't do it because your energy has shifted. However, he advised not to judge myself or others for the changes because shame, guilt, criticism are extremely low frequency emotions which block love and this will keep me from living a life that resonates with who I truly am.
Being your true self could mean you experience loss of some sort. But sometimes it just means change. Not many people like change even if the change is a good thing. When I was in labor and about to close the door of my home to head out to the hospital, I recall feeling deep sadness at the thought of what I'd be losing even though my baby was very much wanted and welcomed. Ofcourse once I had my little guy in my arms all of that sadness was forgotten and all I felt was unconditional love. My son has been the most important person in my life and I am aware that the time will come soon when he will leave to go to college and while I know I will be proud and the change will be good, at least for him, I still feel sadness when I think about it. So as you see even when the change is good we sometimes can't help to feel at least some sadness.
This is why being your authentic self could be extremely challenging. We don't like change. We rather pretend that we are someone we are not or that everything is okay just as it is when clearly it is not. The funny thing is that change has already happened in the inside and that is why we keep getting those feelings alerting us that something is off. Some people experience deep depression. Others live for decades in denial. But we all experience at least some kind of awareness that something is not right when we are not being our true selves.
Only you can decide if you have the courage and strenght to be true to yourself. If you decide to be true to you, I highly recommend that you do not make any changes alone. Especially not any big changes that may potentially cause some pain to yourself or others. Find people who will support you through what is to come. Make sure you choose wise, emotionally stable, positive and level headed people. Allow your intuition to be your guide to find them. They could be family members, accountability partners, friends, support group or church group peers.
"It is unrealistic for us to expect that we will remain the same with the same values, concerns, dreams and needs for decades. It is unrealistic for us to expect that we will not change...Frequently, whether we know it or not, by resisting change, by being attached to our investment of time and energy spent in choices that once served us but no longer do, we have already relinquished much of ourselves-in relationships that are stagnant or passionless, in jobs that are dissatisfying, in life choices that do not serve our highest good."
- Dr. Barbara De Angelis
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