Pick A Different Flavor

"There isn't just one type of guy who is going to find you perfectly lovable. There are lots! So there are probably many types out there who would totally turn you on that you don't even know exist. Think of it like this: It's like eating only chocolate chip ice cream your whole life. Yes, you love vanilla ice cream, you love chocolate chips, and it's delicious and satisfying, but maybe there's another flavor out there-say, cookie dough-that you've never tried:maybe one you don't know about but would love as much or more if only you just tasted it."

               - Dr. Georgia Witkin, author of  It's Not You, It's Him


Most of us have a certain type of person that we are normally attracted to. If a person does not meet  our specific criteria we label that person as not our type and do not give him the time of day. What I have found interesting is that many of the relationship experts who have found their true love say that it is a good idea to date someone different from time to time because "The One" will not look like you expect him to. Laura Doyle, author of The Surrendered Single, says that it is especially important to date someone different who you are not attracted to right away if you have a history of falling for unpredictable men.

Often women make the mistake of perceiving a good guy as boring.  These women mistake the excitement of being with a bad man who is unreliable as love. But it actually is not love. What happens is that the thrill of wondering, "Does he love me or love me not?" and the guessing if he is going to be a show or no show builds anxiety which many confuse as being excitement and love.

Many people get addicted to the roller coaster ride. Sort of like when you play the slot machines. The excitement of the possibility of winning keeps you hooked. Then if a nice guy comes along who calls when he says he is going to call, shows up when he says he is going to show up, does not keep you wondering how he feels about you- you do not give him the time of day.

While you don't get the same adrenaline rush with a good guy he is not boring. Ofcourse you have to experience this yourself to believe me.  Maybe you'll be more motivated to try a "different flavor" if I tell you that if you are serious about finding true love then dating a good guy is the only way to go.

The good guy doesn't have to look like a troll. We all should have some standards. But if he looks decent, just different than you are use to or prefer, give him a chance. You may not be doing back flips for him, but if you wait some time who knows. I have a friend who did just that. She was not initially attracted to her husband when she met him. But she was tired of the roller coaster rides, betrayals, cheating and drama of dating her type. So she dated him. He turned out to be the sweetest, most attentive, loving and adoring husband. They have now been married for almost twenty years.

I know that many times women think that they could change a bad guy into a good guy. But I have not heard of any woman being able to accomplish that. Yet many still keep on trying.  I am guilty of doing this twelve years ago. After wasting so much of my life trying to convince someone to change, I was missing out on working on myself to get ready for my true love. Do not make a man your life project. While it is good to keep growing and improving, the man you date should be enough for you as he is. If he falls short in important areas, then you have to be able to say...Next!!!


 "When you are in love with a man's potential, you're not looking at him as a person-you see him as a project. He's a goal on your 'to do' list...Tuesday: Fix Jim."

                                              - Barbara De Angelis Ph.D.


"You don't get the same adrenalive rush when a guy does what he says he is going to do and is there on time. You might begin to think that you are not attracted to the good guys because of the lack of adrenaline rush. If you are use to dating cheaters, users and abusers, a good guy wont give you the same feeling of intensity that you are used to. That does not mean you are not attracted to him."

                                                           -Laura Doyle



"A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life in order to be thankful for a good one."

                                                           -Mae West

                                           
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