Overcoming Emotional Eating

"Food satisfies when the hunger is physical, and only then can it be considered nourishment. Every other time you 'use' food, you leave yourself. You walk in the door and leave yourself starving. You wouldn't leave your best friend in time of need. You wouldn't even leave an acquaintance.  But you leave yourself over and over and each time it happens you come closer to starvation."

                    - Geneen Roth, author of Feeding the Hungry Heart






I got my compulsive and addictive behaviors from my parents. It took me a while to discover that I even had a problem. Mainly because my compulsiveness and addiction was not alcoholism like my father's nor was it food like my mother's. It was workaholism. This addiction to work is not seen as a negative behavior in our society. Quite the opposite actually. Especially to employers. No surprise I have been the star employee in many situations.

However, workaholism is an addiction and a compulsive behavior. I had been very proud of myself for not picking up drinking in my life to deal with life challenges. I also was not aware that my mother used food to deal with hers.  But, when I lost my 9 to 5 job, I was under so much stress I substituted work with food as a way to cope for all of the uncomfortable feelings that came up during this time. I was not aware of what I was doing ofcourse. Until my clothes no longer fit me. Then like most Americans I decided that getting on a diet was the answer. But I just could not stick to the diets. I kept wondering what was wrong with me.

Until finally I figured out that  what I was doing was eating in order to cope with my negative situation and therefore no diet was going to work until I found better ways to deal with my emotions. The following are tools that I use to prevent myself from using food to cope with life challenges.

•  I walk almost daily. I gained so much weight that I was in severe pain when I was trying to get back to my usual exercise routine. But I knew how important it was to do at least some exercise for my emotional well being, so I started walking.
• I no longer suppress my feelings. Or at least not usually. If there is not a friend available to talk to I journal. I have come up with a technique of not only venting out my feelings, but also to release them in the writing process. It does not do me any good to use food to suppress how I am feeling and sometines there is nothing that could be done that will fix things, but to accept a situation (for now). Writing has been my favorite weapon to deal with frustration, sadness, and anger.
• I stand up for myself. I use to hold my anger in when a power hungry employer tried to bully me or when my mother would bring me her criticism and negativity. Not anymore. I learned how to assert myself in a healthy way. Ironically the bullies disappeared from my life and my negative mother no longer affects me.  But I still remember how I used work and later food to suppress uncomfortable feelings instead of showing some assertiveness. Even my son is proud of me now. He says to me, "Way to go mom! About time you stand up for yourself."
• I meditate daily. This is no longer a bizarre practice for even mainstream people. In fact, when I was under so much stress when I lost my job, a Kaiser Permanente doctor advised me to meditate to reduce my blood pressure, anxiety and stress. I am not kidding. It was part of the doctor's prescription. At the time I did not listen though. I thought, "Who has time to meditate? I need to get a job ASAP!" But now I realize how important meditation is not only for my overall health and well being, but to prevent emotional eating.
• I recite the AA prayer: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." When you grow up in a dysfunctional environment like I grew up in, you tend to have a control issue. When you feel you are losing control, even if it is something you never really controlled in the first place, you go bonkers. I had to train myself to let go of the things I could not control. This was a challenge for me. But the AA serenity prayer has been a big help to me.
• I practice self-care. Another of the problems I developed growing up in such a chaotic environment was that I took on the caretaker role. It was the only way I knew how to survive in such a dysfunctional family life. Sacrificing my own needs for the sake of others. However, now I know that part of my emotional eating was caused because it was the only way I knew how to care for me. I knew how to care for others and instinctively knew exactly what others needed, but I had no clue what I needed so I used food. Now I know better ways to practice self-care. Sometimes I forget and go back to my old patterns. But for the most part I am doing much better.

"The essential question is: Will you feed yourself  with 'matters necessary for growth,' or will you continue to ignore your needs, killing yourself slowly with food and drink? Will you nourish yourself or wont you?" - Geneen Roth

If you would like more information please contact me at carbajalzulma@gmail.com. Also see related articles: Emotional Eating and Overeating 8/16/12; Dieting Facts 8/3/12; Is Your Diet Killing You? 7/14/12; Popular Diets 8/11/12.