Roadblocks

"Welcome discomfort. Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. That's where the greatest challenge and opportunity will be found. When you are too comfortable you are stagnant as well...Release what no longer serves you, which no longer makes the highest statement of you "

                                                        -Neale Donald Walsch


I admit that change could be scary, but it is necessary. Plus it happens whether we want it to happen or not. Every day we are changing. We are usually not aware of it, but we are. This is frightening to many who want everything to always remain the same.

I have noticed that even people who have big dreams of  living in a way that "makes the highest statement" of themselves are afraid to let go of what no longer serves them in order to embody the person they need to be to achieve their dreams.

The following are the ways I see people sabotage themselves from creating the life they desire.

Excuses

I can't tell you how many people I come across who say they want to live their dreams, but are full of excuses as to why they can't. Some of them are justified, but they are still excuses. Some excuses are actually damaging the chances for growth and healing even further. I once life coached a woman who wanted to turn her whole life around. She was obese, had health problems, her husband left her, and she had low self-esteem since childhood. Every time we talked she was excited about the tools I gave her to start shifting her life in the right direction. But in the coaching sessions that followed, she would give me a bunch of excuses as to why she did not accomplish the small tasks I would give to her.

They were little things that I suggested for her to do, such as set boundaries with family and friends; let them know when her exercise time was so that they would not interrupt her work-out. Her excuse for not telling them was that they would be mad at her if she told them she was busy maintaining her health.

When I suggested that she stop sleeping around with men who just wanted her for sex (especially with the men that were not single) because it was hurting her self-esteem further, her excuse was that they called her or initiated sex first and besides she was lonely. When they would leave (or kick her out of their home) she would cry and binge. She did not undestand that she was getting in her own way of success by comming up with excuses not to follow through with her plans of healing,health and growth. I had to end the coaching sessions with her because every week it was the same story. She'd tell me about a new guy she slept with which triggered another binge and crying.  I understood her fear of losing friends/family, but what I tried to get her to understand was that people who get mad because you are taking care of your health and well-being do not care about you, only about themselves. Truthfully you do not need people like this in your life.


I had another woman who said she was just too busy with family life and housekeeping to start working on improving her health like she wanted. Yet most of her days were not even spent at home. She was usually out with her friends gossiping and getting overly involved in their drama. I know this because when we'd review her successes and challenges for the week her excuse was usually that so and so called because such and such and she went over to be there for her/him. Therefore she did not get to do anything that was planned. I am not saying not to be there for your friends, but if you do not set a limit as to how much you do it, you will never have time for your own needs, much less to achieve your dreams.


Too uncomfortable with getting out of the comfort zone


The main reason people contact me is because they are tired of living the way they are living and need a push in the right direction. But then they do not want to let go of their old way of being in order to get what they want. When they are told they might have to reduce TV watching time or other time wasters and instead pay more attention to their own lives, they do not want to do it. Then to cover up that they are uncomfortable with letting go of these things they use "excuses" to justify why.


Blamers

I know a woman who blames everything and everyone for her lot in life. But blaming others is the easy way out. It blocks us from going within and seeing what we are doing to cause these things to happen. This keeps us stuck and in victim mode. There is no progress because you have given away your power to others and life circumstances. This woman is still holding on to resentments going back from childhood.  Most of the stuff she holds on to is petty and ridiculous. She is sixty something years old and she still fights with her sisters about how they were spoiled and she wasn't. No surprise she is miserable, bitter and hates life. The sad thing is that because she is so stuck on the blame game, she is blocking all opportunity for healing and from living her last twenty plus years of life in a more joyful and peaceful way. How awful to live with such negativity your whole life.


Caretakers.

Caretakers say that they would like to go to the gym or take a class at least twice a week, but when the time comes to sign up, they don't because someone asked her for help at the last minute even though it was neither important nor urgent. Such as taking a kid shopping. They put everyone first before themselves. It is very difficult to do anything for yourself if you always put everyone else first. There are only so many hours in a day and when running around doing this and that for others, you are just too exhausted by the end of the day to squeeze anything in for you. I know one woman who wants me to help her heal childhood wounds, but she keeps procrastinating because others require her time at the last minute.  The ironic thing is that she has taken on the Caretaking Role to the extreme precisely because she has not healed her childhood wounds. I could help this woman with her healing and in finally achieving her other goals because I also took on the Caretaking Role and know what is required. While I have healed and know the tools to help others, I still remember the unhealthy need I had to sacrifice my own well being for the sake of others. This is one of the hardest roadblocks to break without help.


Procrastinating

When people procrastinate it mostly has to do with fear. In fact, all of the above roadblocks have to do with fear. I will elabaorate on this on another article. When we procrastinate we usually have justifed "excuses" why we did so, but these "excuses" are actually blocking the awareness of the fear underneath. An example, there are women who do not date because they say they want to lose a few pounds first. Yet they never seem to get their focus on losing the weight. The excuse is that they have a few pounds to lose before they date. By not putting focus on losing the weight, they are procrastinating on dating. Which is actually masking a fear of rejection, commitment, abandonment,etc.


More than one of the above roadblocks could be preventing us from achieving our dreams. Sometimes it is all of the above. You may have noticed that the roadblocks could be correlated with each other as well. As I mentioned earlier, fear is really behind our roadblocks to change and healing. Neale Donald Walsch says that fear is the acronym for "False Evidence Appearing Real", but also could be, "Feeling Excited And Ready".


If you are "excited and ready" for "living the highest statement of you", but may have the above challenges, contact me and I will help. The first session is free which could be all you need.  I could be reached at  carbajalzulma@gmail.com or on Facebook.



"Change has long been a fearful thing for human beings...and at the same time, it is our most Divine opportunity. Clinging to the banks of the river may seem safe and more secure, but life's possibilities are truly engaged only when we trust, release and become part of The Flow of the Universe."

                                                   -Chelle Thompson