The Purpose Of Dating

"God uses relationships to heal us and change us. Although we are not suggesting that dating be the primary place that someone seeks healing (this is a horrible idea), it is a place where good things happen in people's souls....People could have good dating relationships where they learn, are healed, grow, and are stretched, even when the relationship does not lead to marriage. It has value in a person's life." -Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend


Dating could be discouraging and this is why many people choose to stand by the sidelines or use excuses not to date, such as being too busy with work, school or family. The following are the reasons why dating is good paraphrased from Dr. Cloud's and Dr. Townsend's book, Boundaries in Dating

1. It gives you an opportunity to learn about yourself and others. It teaches one what is needed to develop better relationship skills. Dating is for growth and learning. It is a time to develop yourself so that you will be ready for marriage.
2. Dating is for working through issues and recognizing that being solely attracted to someone will not be enough for a long term, happy relationship. While dating,you begin to recognize what your values are.
3. You start to develop relationship skills. Many of us have come from dysfunctional families and do not learn how to relate to the opposite sex until we begin dating. You also find out what your weaknesses and insecurities are.You recognize your maturity level- if you are ready for a healthy, permanent relationship or not.
4. Dating can be healing. If you are willing the person you are dating will help you heal past wounds, maybe not directly,but indirectly which prepares you for "the one".
5. There is value in the relationship even when you are just dating casually. You share emotional and spiritual intimate moments. Yes you could love the person you are dating. Love is not restricted just to the person you are meant to marry. There are different types of love. If you do things right the person could end up being a good friend even if the dating does not lead to marriage.
6. You learn what your preferences are in the opposite sex. Hopefully your preferences are not so superficial that you ignore the important qualities and type of character that make a happy relationship survive and thrive.
7. "Dating gives a context to learn sexual self-control and other delay of gratification." - Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend